Is tonight the night that The Gokerino is sent home? Can it please be that night? While my hatred of Senor Gokus has been readily apparent for weeks, if not months, for most of the American Idol season the Gokeheads were large in number, singing Der Gokenstein's praises to whomever would listen. These people have become relatively silent over the last couple of weeks, and especially after Daniel served up the old Banshee Special on last night's performance episode. But, because Americans and their texting fingers appear to have an irrational affinity for Los Gokes, there's a better than fifty percent chance that he remains alive in the competition after tonight (that percentage is based on nothing). Frustration, thy name is Danny Gokey.
Results Show! Chris Daughtry! No Doubt! All exciting things, to be sure, but the quadruple whammy, the belle of the ball, the main attraction tonight is an event, a moment that you will likely be telling your cyborg grandchildren about decades from now - Tonight, Paula Abdul will perform her new single in front of a live national audience. Hold on to your butts, America, and join me as I shoot my live thought beams all across the interwebs. I cordially invite you to take part in the proceedings.
Dramatic opening! We see clips from last night, edited in a Michael Bay quick-cut manner. Seacrest opens the show live from the mosh pit, with just a single spot light shining on him. I bet he concocted that himself, that clever little monkey. And then, somehow, Seacrest walks down the stairs on the stage. SEACREST CAN TELEPORT! Holy crap.
64 million votes came in last night. I don't know who this favors. The Top 4 are all back in their normal clothes. Ryan introduces Randy as TheBomb.com. Don't do that again, sir. Paula is wearing some low-cut nonsense again, showing off her well-marinated cleavage. Yech.
Ryan announces that Paula Abdul will indeed take the stage tonight. Crossing my fingers for a total trainwreck.
The Ford Music video is kind of a tribute to A-Ha's video for "Take On Me." The Top 4 are cut-outs from billboards. It's incredibly stupid.
Nice. Slash is on stage to play lead guitar on "School's Out (For Summer)." The Top 4 are most certainly singing live tonight. The band kind of overpowers the singers, as is to be expected. Danny, Kris and Allison all sing well out of tune, probably because they can't hear each other. Still, it's one of the least offensive group numbers because, well, Slash is on stage rocking out with his top hat on. You can't beat that.
Slash isn't too enthused to be interviewed by Seacrest. I wonder if Seacrest ever listened to Guns N' Roses back in the day. He strikes me as more of Bell Biv Devoe/New Kids on the Block/Raffi kind of a guy.
Kris is interviewed by Seacrest and talks abotu how he never expected to make it this far, and predictably gets called out by Simon for the attitude.
HA! Adam, talking about last night, says that he really loved the outfit he wore. Of course he did. Then Danny rambles about his scream, and overdoes the whole "pretending to be humble" thing.
Oh God! Here it comes. Paula's performance. Get ready. Brace yourself.
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