'30 Rock' Fan Columnist: Hooks Crossed
'30 Rock' Fan Columnist: Hooks Crossed
Sandra Ly
Sandra Ly
Contributing Writer, BuddyTV
Liz Lemon and Jack Donaghy's romantic crises came to a head in this pre-finale extravaganza of an episode.
In an attempt to avoid attending Cerie's wedding without a date, Liz dug into her "gentleman rolodex" and had failed encounters with the extraordinarily handsome but incredibly incompetent Dr. Drew Baird (returning guest star Jon Hamm), whose hands were severed in unfortunate accidents brought on by Baird's endearing stupidity, as well as Dennis Duffy (played by guest star Dean Winters), who Liz found in the middle of a balloon boy-esque scheme. These miserable encounters forced Liz to accept the date Cerie set her up with - the most recent of her failed boyfriends, the English antithesis of her very being, Wesley.

Tracy Jordan's antics came in the form of an attempt at a movie role that had the potential of winning him the Oscar, a piece of the EGOT goal he's been trying to attain. In order to provoke the raw emotion needed to pull off an Oscar-winning performance, Kenneth and Dotcom took Tracy to the neighborhood where he grew up, and Tracy at first claimed ignorance to any sort of nostalgia, but the stone wall hiding his memories quickly collapsed, and a distraught Tracy spewed all sorts of painful, nostalgic lines of comedic gold.
Meanwhile, Jack Donaghy was confronted by an irate Avery Jessup, demanding that he decide once and for all which of his two romances he will pursue. In an attempt to break up with Nancy, Jack set up what he imagined would be the worst date of all time - a documentary about female circumcisions followed by copious amounts of Indian food. In classic 30 Rock fashion, however, nothing turned out the way Jack planned; Nancy seduced Jack so thoroughly that the two ended up having sex, an outcome which Jack revealed to Liz in a panic and which Liz subsequently scolded. Jack confessed his concurrent relationship with Avery to Nancy in a place where she would be unable to storm out in a huff - in the middle of mass, which is where this week's episode left off.
 Best Quotes:
Jack Donaghy is trying desperately to convince Avery to come with him to Cerie's wedding:
"You do not want to miss this wedding, it's going to be New York royalty: the Astors, the Rockefellers, the Sbarros."
And Avery concedes:
"Yes, I know, Jack. You think I don't want to know what Pizzerina Sbarro is going to be wearing?"
Liz Lemon has no reservations about attending Cerie's wedding without a date, and Jenna asks her:
"But what about Floyd's wedding?"
To which Liz immediately responds:
"If I have to sit through that alone, I will rent a car, set it on fire and drive it off a waterfall."
Liz is mortified when she learns that since they last met, Drew Baird has lost both of his hands, brandishing steel pirate hooks in their stead. He attempts to console her:
"I'll have you know, Liz, that I'm in line for a hand transplant. There's this strangler who's about to be executed, and, uh, I got my hooks crossed!"
Tracy Jordan would rather continue with the CGI Garfield project he currently has in the works, but Kenneth tries to convince him to consider the other, more prestigious script he's being offered:
"It's real Oscar bait sir. You say things like 'You don't know my pain!' 'You watch your mouth, Tyrese!,' and in a less dramatic scene: 'I'll have hash browns.'"
Tracy Jordan's childhood hitting him like a ton of bricks, and he offers some harrowing insight into his troubled past:
"I saw a blind guy bite a police horse. I saw a hooker eat a tire! A puppy committed suicide after he saw our bathroom! I once bit into a burrito and it had a child's shoe in it! A pack of wild dogs took over and successfully ran a Wendy's! The sewer people stole my skateboard. I once saw a baby give another baby a tattoo!  They were very drunk!"

(Image courtesy of NBC)