What is wrong with this country?  In a recent “Disaster Preparedness” poll, twenty-seven percent of Americans said that given their choice of fictional hero, they would pick MacGyver to rescue them.  Rescue them from exactly what was unclear, but MacGyver was the number one choice among American adults.  Jack Bauer, from 24, finished sixth in the polling with a measly seven percent.  That Richard Dean Anderson's MacGyver beat bona fide bad ass Jack Bauer in anything besides a mullet contest is ridiculous.  However, you can't argue with a telephone poll, right?  Oh, wait, you can. 

Let's take a look at this logically.  Here were the poll takers fictional rescuing options, with the percentage of the vote they received: MacGyver (27%), Indiana Jones (16%), John McClane (14%), Jason Bourne (8%), James Bond (8%), Jack Bauer (7%) and Lara Croft (7%).  How the hell did MacGyver run away with this thing?  Did the polling company only call members of the Richard Dean Anderson fan club? 

If I need to be rescued, my life's on the line, and I need to choose one of the above fictional heroes, here's my list:

1) Jason Bourne – Have you seen the Bourne movies?  I'm not sure anyone has kicked as much high-leverage ass in movie history.

2) Jack Bauer – He can do it all, even with no support.  Also, Jack will stop at nothing to locate my whereabouts, even if it means torturing some innocent people.

3) James Bond – You can't go wrong with a classic like Bond.  He just may get held up along the way by some buxom scientist.  I'd like to be in captivity the least amount of time possible. 

4) John McClane – If I were McClane's son, he might be higher on the list.  But, I'm not, so he wouldn't give a crap about me.  The Die Hard films are contingent upon John's personal tie to the conflict.

5) Indiana Jones – He'd give it his best shot, but unless we're in the 1940s, I don't know what good his whip is going to do in 2007.

6) Lara Croft – I never liked Tomb Raider.  The movie sucked, too. 

7) MacGyver – I'm sorry, I just don't see it.  MacGyver was cool and all, but do I want my life to depend on a bomb he makes out of cardboard, earwax, and a pack of Slim Jims?


I think it's clear that America got this one wrong.  MacGyver is not cut out to be a modern day rescuer.


-Oscar Dahl, BuddyTV Senior Writer
Source: Opinion Research Corp.
(Image Courtesy of PlagueoftheMullet.com)