'The X Factor' Recap: Toothless Wonder Baffles Competition
'The X Factor' Recap: Toothless Wonder Baffles Competition
Jilliane Johnson
Jilliane Johnson
Contributing Writer, BuddyTV
It's Thursday night and you know what that means! No, it's not time for you to get all dolled up and car pool to your favorite after-hours spot; it's time for The X Factor! Last night, we celebrated LA's birthday, watched a thief get caught backstage and a woman named Panda stole the show and lost her breath. What more can these judges possibly encounter?

By the looks on Britney's face, that is one loaded question. Tonight, it's not about those who make the grade. The competition grows interesting when hopefuls grace the stage and leave behind a bad taste in the judges' mouths. Just take a look at what I mean and see who you remember at the end of the night.

Britney feels at home, down south in Greensboro, North Carolina.

It looks as if everyone in the city has shown up to the auditions. That is, except for Simon, who makes a detour for a plate of country grits. Lucky for country girl, Britney, he shares once he arrives.

Willie Jones, "Your Man" by Josh Turner

This 17 year old Fresh Prince of Bellaire look a-like gave the appearance of a rapper or even an R&B singer. All of this is tossed out as soon as he opens his mouth to sing the lower than low baritone that Josh Turner made famous. He's a soulful country singer. Who would ever have guessed it?

"This is why I wanted to come to Greensboro," says Simon. There is no doubt about it that Willie is going places. We start off the night with four yeses!

Kalvin McManigle, (I wish I could tell you.)

There is absolutely nothing to say about this man, his lack of teeth and lack of annunciation as he sings something that I cannot make out. "I literally couldn't understand a word of that," says Simon. Kalvin looks to his fellow countrywoman for support. "Britney, I love ya, woman!" he says. "I'm scared I'm related to you!" cries Britney. That would be a no.

Julia Bullock, "Pumped Up Kicks" by Foster the People

This is probably the first artist that I want to see fail. If Julia makes it through to boot camp, then her career with her band (which includes her ex-boyfriend) is over. Her edgy look and unique vocals remind me of a Hayley Williams or Gwen Stefani. Sorry, band, but you've been dropped

"Well for me, you are exactly what I've been looking for," smiles an excited LA. As the judges throw their accolades out at Julia, the jaded ex-boyfriend looks on backstage obviously upset. Unfortunate and awkward hugs follow as Julia reunites with them offstage.

Krysten Colon, "Don't You Remember" by Adele

This hairdresser has finally found the confidence to grace a stage in front of such legendary judges. The problem is that her song choice is originally sung by Adele whose songs are usually bad news for competitors. Simon stops her performance early on.

He points out the flaws in her song choice and suggests she come back later. So the now very nervous Krysten will return with a new and hopefully improved audition.

Jeffrey Gutt, "Hallelujah" by Leonard Cohen

This single father's tattoos may have been the only hint at what his voice would sound like. The song which is usually very mellow has now been met with grit and a raw sense of rock and roll. Jeffrey gives one heck of a genius performance and he's no stranger to the stage, either.

Simon's arms go up with applause as the crowd stands to their feet. "I like how mysterious your voice was," comments Britney. As the yeses send Jeffrey to the next round, Talon, his son, runs out to greet his father. "Talon," addresses Demi, "you're dad's a rock star!"

The storm has blown in!

Batten down the hatches, everyone! Not only is lightening striking but the stadium is leaking right over Simon. It doesn't help that more than a handful of acts display no talent whatsoever. Byron Edwards annihilates "Chasing Pavements" by Adele. Remember what I said about Adele? Apparently, Byron didn't get the memo. When the judges refrain from singing his praises, he address the crowd with "[Expletive] you guys!" You get the idea.

Krysten Colon, "I Have Nothing" by Whitney Houston

The second coming of Krysten goes from Adele to Whitney. Sure, this makes sense. Needless to say, Krysten starts off promising and then fails miserably. Her vocals are all over the place, mostly off key. Luckily, the bad weather turns her microphone off and the stage momentarily goes black.

Britney squeals and scans the room for the nearest exit, terrified by the sudden blackout. A few expletives are tossed around too. Simon brings focus back to Krysten and delivers her first of four nos. Krysten exits the stage obviously upset. "Oh, she was pissed!" giggles Demi.

Cute and well-mannered Krysten quickly transforms into her evil twin. She screams at her supportive family members, tosses the full contents of a water bottle at a nearby camera and comes close to terrorizing someone with a chair. Eventually, she finds herself outside and in the rain while her mother apologizes to cameras.

Well, talk about drama! And that was only one hour. I'm quite convinced that tonight's lack of talent outweighs those that we'll be seeing in boot camp. Of the worst tonight, Kalvin is probably my favorite. If anyone can help me understand what song that man was singing, I would greatly appreciate it!

The X Factor season 2 auditions continue next Wednesday on FOX. It's obvious there is more talent to find, yet the drama has just begun flooding in. Keep your eyes peeled for tears, flying spit and Gene Simmons?

Jilliane Johnson
Contributing Writer

(Image courtesy of FOX)

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