This week True Blood
did very bad things with a slew of criminal
enterprises. Franklin kidnapped Tara, Bill found a stripper to murder,
Pam got tortured and Jason hit on a high school girl. Since the episode
was titled "9 Crimes," here are the nine biggest ones I spotted.
The Phone Break-Up
True Blood is available on Amazon Prime.
Breaking up with a girl over the phone is as bad as it gets (except for the rare Post-It note break-up), but that's just what Bill did to Sookie. It got even uglier when he explained in graphic and disturbing detail the violent night of sex he had with Lorena.Conspiracy to Commit Murder
Bill's strategy became clearer when he struck up a deal with Russell to have Lorena killed after he helped the Mississippi King by ratting out Eric and Sophie-Anne's V-selling ring. But first, to prove his loyalty, Bill had to seduce a stripper and bring her back to their limo for a nice snack. True Blood
is going to great lengths to make Bill as unappealing as possible, from his sex with Lorena to feasting on a stripper. Gang Initiation
Alcide's ex-girlfriend Debbie wasn't having an engagement party, it was an initiation into the Operation Werewolf gang led by King Russell. At Lupines we saw Russell feeding the werewolves with his blood before letting Debbie get branded and licked by Coot the werewolf. I'm just happy they didn't go down the bestiality route, because I seriously thought they might have some human-werewolf love.Kidnapping
We finally learned who Franklin Mott works for when he tied up Tara, kidnapped her and brought her to Russell's mansion. The poor girl cannot catch a break, though if/when she returns to Bon Temps, she does get to take Lafayette's car.Assault
Lafayette, in his bitching new sports car, tried to sell V to the gang of drug dealers Andy and Jason busted in the last episode. Instead, they decide to attack him, which I'm fairly certain could be considered a hate crime, though I'm not sure if it was because he's black or gay. That's a double hate crime whammy. Luckily, he was saved by Eric, whose strange affection for Lafayette is more endearing every week.Selling an Illegal Substance
Because Bill gave up the V-selling ring, the Magister returned to raid Fangtasia. He tortured Pam until she and Eric lied by saying Bill is responsible for selling V. I'm starting to think we're going to end season 3 with a massive war between Mississippi and Louisiana, and, like the Trojan War, it all started because of a woman, Sookie.Loitering
Sam's estranged shifter family spends the episode annoying him by loitering in his parking lot because they lost their home. I feel bad for Sam because finding his birth parents is the worst thing to ever happen to him.Jealousy
In the saddest moment in Jason Stackhouse's life, he gets jealous over Kitch Maynard, a high school football star who's about to break Jason's old records and steal the only accomplishment of his life. My sympathy goes away when Jason tries to intimidate Kitch after grossly hitting on Kitch's high school girlfriend. Keep it legal, Jason, you can have any adult woman you want, you don't need to swim in the kiddie pool.Blackmail
Finally, the one gear in Jason's head turns and he blackmails Andy into making him a cop or else he'll spill the beans about who really killed Eggs. Starting out your career in law enforcement by committing a crime isn't the best strategy.
However, the biggest crime of all might be the fact that Sookie didn't immediately rebound from her break-up with Bill, especially since a super hunky, half-naked Alcide was sitting right next to her. That girl needs to wake up and realize that she's surrounded by hot guys who could take her mind off Bill.(Image courtesy of HBO)