It's finally here! The spin-off that dozens watched concludesish tonight with the wedding of the . . . month? It doesn't really conclude, though, because we're invited along on the Honeymoon from Hell next week. But let's focus on the present.The morning of her wedding, Bethenny finishes revising the manuscript for her book. Jason sends Bethenny a note to remind her that they are getting married. Shawn, who miraculously did NOT get fired, does a really good job getting everything together and taking care of those "dreadful" flower pots at the Four Seasons.
While lounging on the couch in her bridal bathrobe, Bethenny pretends to appreciate her future mother-in-law's sentimental gift.
Carol: This is something that you and I are going to start. A tradition in the Hoppy family.
Then Bethenny attaches the locket to her lace underpants.
She is America's Sweetheart, y'all, we just never realized it. Her dog, Cookie, should be put down though.
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Despite all the drama leading up to the big day, Shawn is completely in control. You go, Gentle Tony Hale! Noel, a Four Seasons employee, offers Bethenny a foot massage and I am like "NO!" because if he doesn't know about prenatal pressure points something could go wrong. But things like birth defects and miscarriages and going into early labor don't happen on the wedding day of Bethenny Frankel, they just don't.
Bethenny has met her match in annoyingness in her Maid of Honor, Teri. Just let the woman apply her damn body shimmer, Teri! Unfortunately, pregnant Bethenny has to pee, and they decide to have her pee in a silver Four Seasons bucket. This is arguably worse and more difficult than just taking the dress off and putting it back on after.
Finally the Real Housewives and Hoda Kotb show up (and some other shmucks who don't have their own TV shows). It's already a circus and a fashion show, when you factor in the runway and the weird applause that Jason got for coming to the altar, it was the ultimate TV wedding (but more like Full House than reality). I also enjoyed the cutaways to the Real Housewives (seated in the front row just like at a fashion show) and the officiant's insistence on holding the microphone way too close to Jason and Bethenny's faces.
When did this show turn into My Fair Wedding with David Tutera? Our cliffhanger is finally resolved, Bethenny does, in fact, get married! It may as well be any other wedding show on Style or TLC for the last twenty minutes, until Bethenny makes it obnoxious and stressful again and we are harshly reminded that it is all about her.
Of course, someone went in the pool like an idiot. Someone murder that guy. But finally it's over (the wedding, not the series, unfortunately). This would be a natural conclusion for Bethenny Getting Married? right? But no, we're going to run this thing into the ground.
Check back tomorrow for tips to create your own Bethenny Frankel style wedding!
(image courtesy of Bravo)