'The Real Housewives of New Jersey' Get the Runs
'The Real Housewives of New Jersey' Get the Runs
Last week, the Joes collided a bit on Real Housewives of New Jersey. Also, Joe Giudice got drunk and tumbled around the house until he chipped a tooth. This week, the Jersey 'wives are walking a 5k.

Caroline and Jacqueline pull up to Jacqueline's snowy driveway, and Teresa is there, sitting in her car. Once inside, Teresa tells them about the book signing, Joe vs. Joe drama. Real men text fight. Truth bomb: Caroline tells Teresa that Melissa is the key to building the bridge between the families. Teresa calls her and says it's time the Joes got it together. Somehow it starts a fight. The family has to get it together, somehow, in time for Milania's birthday party.

The morning of the 5k charity run, the Housewives rise and shine. What charity is it for? "Disabled ... people?" Jacqueline guesses. Teresa has the runs, and Joe is just disgusting like always. Joe makes some sausage and packs some wine for the early morning run. On the way, the Manzos have a good laugh making fun of Teresa's book. I like that family.

The Housewives arrive with their crew, without numbers or anything. And they missed the starting gun, which REALLY mattered to Joe Giudice. Are they going the wrong direction? Look at Teresa's getup. Soon, the Manzos decide to cheat and/or quit. Kathy and Rich cross the finish line, followed by Teresa. Then, much later, Joe. They had a good time and managed not to get in any fights!

Greg, Chris, and Albie are having Melissa and Joe over! This is great. Greg and Melissa want to have some one-on-one "girl talk." They love each other. There's a step and repeat set up in their apartment!

So, Melissa brought her single for their review. We get to hear it, too! Listening to it, it's uncertain what the Manzos and Greg thought. They thought it was "really good." But Chris and Albie ask Melissa to perform at the New Star launch party (or whatever their business is called).

Lauren and Vito mixed dough together, but it was boring. They tried adding porn music, but it was still boring. The issue at hand is that Lauren doesn't like herself and thinks she's fat. Chris doesn't like Lauren and Vito, he likes Melissa and Joe as a couple.

The Manzo boys, Greg, and the Gorgas go out and party. It gets very sexual. Joe Gorga is the life of every party! And no one chipped a tooth.

Milania, the true star of this show, is having her birthday party! She likes what she likes and she wants the big crown. Milania's birthday didn't go so well last year, when she was asleep for most of it on the cruise ship. This year, they're having a pizza party at Joe's pizzeria. It's Italy-themed, I think.

The Housewives are planning on going on vacation (in next week's episode) and Caroline is trepidatious. The best thing about a pizza party, is that you can pound your fists on the table and scream, "WE WANT PIZZA!" Who doesn't like doing that? As long as Joe Gorga isn't pounding his fists on the table, we're all good. Don't make Juicy angry!!

Milania's cake looks like a pizza, which is kind of gross. Then Gia sang a song to Milania, it was in the vein of "Friday," ("first you were one, then you were two, then you were three, then you were four, now you are five.")  It was no "We Are Sisters," that's for sure. Then Gia sang (or tried to sing) a song specifically for Teresa and her Uncle Joe. Ballsy! It was doubly awkward, for both the message and the medium.

Gia cried and everyone watching decided it was a wake-up call. Will this family feud ever end?! More importantly, who is that awesome goddess in the pink football jersey behind Gia? Rich shoves the Joes together, and Milania opens her presents. All is right with the world again ... until Punta Cana.

(image courtesy of Bravo)

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