'The Real Housewives of Miami' Recap: Let's Talk About Sex
'The Real Housewives of Miami' Recap: Let's Talk About Sex
Gina Pusateri
Gina Pusateri
Contributing Writer, BuddyTV
Last week on The Real Housewives of Miami, Adriana and Lea's friendship dissolved into wee little bits that resulted in Lea crying on the curb outside a Miami night club, while Joanna showed Lisa the receipts that proved Adriana lied about being married for the last four years.

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The Honeymoon's Over

Romain takes a blind-folded Joanna to see the house he bought for them. At first, she is unimpressed because she is, in fact, kind of a snot, but her opinion changes as soon as she sees the beautiful view from the backyard. She reminds Romain how bad their sex life is and manages to emasculate him all in the same breath, saying that he's the "girl of the relationship." No wonder he doesn't want to have sex with you.

Marysol meets with her psychic, who brings a black cat and insists there should be incense cooking in a pot on the stove for her visit. I don't know what it is about the Real Housewives, but the women on these shows love their psychics. The psychic pulls the "diablo" card out of her tarot deck and says that a blonde woman in her 50's did some black magic that affected Mama Elsa's health. Great. Now Marysol not only things that Lea is evil, but that she put some kind of spell on her mother to give her a blood clot in her brain. These are all educated women. I don't understand it.

The re-decorating of Lea's house is an ongoing process, so she and Lisa meet with the designers in charge of the renovation, whose names are Hernan and Fabio. Of course. Lea's talking to them like they're her best friends, not people who work for her, telling them all about her feud with Adriana. Lisa also apologizes for putting her in an awkward spot when she tried to get everyone together last week and promises not to interfere anymore.

Sex Talk for Dummies

So Romain decides to blow off his and Joanna's sex therapy session, which is pretty rude. To be fair, he's angry about a text message he saw from Joanna's sister, Marta, that accused him of cheating on her. He claims that Joanna didn't stick up for him to his sister, and that's why he decided to punish her by ditching therapy, but he promises her he won't miss the next one.

While in their session, the therapist tells Joanna that she may be emasculating Romain and that's maybe why he's been hesitant in bed. Joanna's response is, "But he's the woman of the relationship," not understanding what the word "emasculate" means at all. Well, I don't know what we should have expected.

Lisa and Adriana meet for a drink at Lisa's house. Lisa asks Adriana how often her and Frederic have sex. Adriana advises Lisa to keep things fresh and pulls a naughty nurse costume out of her purse. Does she carry that thing in there for emergencies next to lipstick and tampons? Is it a new costume, or did she let Lisa borrow hers when she was done using it? So many questions.

Lisa then takes the opportunity to confront Adriana about the marriage license Joanna showed her the other night. Adriana gives her story yet another spin, saying that since she wanted someone who was not an ordained minister to marry her and Frederic, they needed to sign the marriage license before the actual ceremony. Lisa doesn't necessarily accept Adriana's explanation, but she decides not to hold it against her.

In return, Adriana appreciates Lisa's honesty and friendship and asks her to be a bridesmaid. Lisa, of course, is thrilled and accepts.

Venue vs. Gala

Alexia is throwing a Venue party, and Lea decides to make time for the event, despite the fact that she's busy planning her own gala, because Alexia and Herman are her friends and she supports her friends. Alexia, on the other hand, still hasn't decided if she's going to the Black Gala. To be fair, Lea says they charge $60,000 a ticket for the Black Gala, which is insane.

Lea is the first to arrive to the Venue party. But the gang's all there soon, except for Lisa, who is at home pretending to be sick but really enjoying a sexy night in with her husband.

As soon as Adriana and Frederic arrive, they start trouble with Romain and Joanna. Apparently, there was a little off-screen drama between Frederic and Romain after Frederic tweeted something nasty about Romain during last season's fight between Joanna and Adriana. It's all very convoluted, and Romain, Frederic and Adriana start yelling at each other in French. Adriana tells Joanna that her fiance has been cheating on her with a Colombian. So, yeah, things have stayed pretty classy.

After Frederic is done fighting with Romain, he turns to Lea and yells at her for spreading lies about his fiance wife. Lea tries to make peace and tells him that she won't say anything else about them.

Joanna and Lea are socializing when Ana (the real diablo, if there is one on this show) arrives. She goes to say hi to Joanna, and when Lea also greets her, Alexia swoops in like a freaking hawk saying that Lea is being a hypocrite for being nice to Ana, even though everyone knows how much they hate each other. Lea's defense is, "I'm nice to everybody!" It's hard to realize sometimes that Lea Black is the most adult human on this show.

Next week, get ready for some C-lister entertainment (including Flo-Rida and Taylor Hicks). It's Black Gala time!

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(Image courtesy of Bravo)



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