New 'Biggest Loser' Trainers Are Underwhelming
New 'Biggest Loser' Trainers Are Underwhelming
Eleanor Bryan
Eleanor Bryan
Contributing Writer, BuddyTV
So, guys, what did you think?

After two weeks of semi-ridiculous, forced secrecy, we finally met the new trainers last night. I don't have kids, and I definitely don't have kids who are dating, but I feel like how I imagine a parent might feel upon meeting their child's new boyfriend or girlfriend. Nervous, then underwhelmed. And then kind of irritated.

Read the full recap from Tuesday's episode.

It's not that I have anything against Cara and Brett. They seem like perfectly nice people, albeit a bit robotic-sounding. It's OK, though. I'm sure it took Bob and Jillian a while to get used to sounding like they were coming up with their lines on their own, too. I'm willing to give them the benefit of the doubt. They have shiny new faces and perfectly coiffed hair. They're young and exciting, and they say all the right things. "I don't want to give them a good workout, I want to kick their asses." Good job, Brett! Give it another four seasons, and you just might be the new Jillian Michaels!

It's the producers I'm irritated with. After all, it's not Cara and Brett's fault they got picked. It's not Cara and Brett's fault that they shrouded in black and bombarded with wind machines for two weeks in a row. It's not Cara and Brett's fault that they get schlepped around in completely ridiculous black vans with scary tinted windows. It's the producers'.

Let's take Cara, for example. She's thin, she's pretty, she talks tough and she looks good in a tank top. But she's just a boxer. Granted, she's a pretty phenomenal boxer. She's won the Golden Gloves, you guys! Twice! But, Golden Gloves or no, a boxer does not a trainer make. She can go on about how she wants to "put the fight back in her contestants" until the cows come home, but that still doesn't make her any kind of expert on weight-loss or all-round physical fitness. Maybe she has some other credentials that make her a great trainer, but if she does, the producers should be giving those credentials a lot more airtime. Right now, Cara's connection between boxing and The Biggest Loser seems to rest on that tired metaphor, and it's growing thin. And not in the good way.

And then we have Brett. Brett, Brett. What are we going to do with you? Right off the bat, I have a problem with Brett. He crows to the camera about how he "was pre-med. And training is science. Which is why it's good that I have a science background!" etc. Color me unimpressed, but being pre-med doesn't really mean anything. Anyone can be pre-med. My dog could be pre-med, as long as she signed up for the right classes. Being "pre-med" does not mean you are a doctor. It doesn't mean that you went to medical school. Heck, being "pre-med" doesn't even necessarily mean that you passed said pre-med classes. Pre-med is just a description of the coursework you take. I'm not saying that Brett didn't pass his courses or that he's bad because he isn't a doctor. Maybe he changed his mind and decided medicine wasn't the right field for him, despite his ream of A-pluses. That would be fine. But don't, for the love of low-fat Greek yogurt, strut around bragging about being pre-med as if it qualifies you to do anything. Because really? It doesn't.

Personally, I think the show would have benefitted from picking two new solid, all-around trainers. Granted, they would be a rehashing of Bob and Jillian, and maybe that would make the show a little boring. However, I would rather see results than Brett sitting on top of contestants in the name of science. Time will tell, however. Maybe the end of the season will reveal that boxing and those weird, heavy jump ropes everyone seems to beating against the ground really get the results. Then Brett and Cara will be laughing, and I'll eat my words. But we have to wait until the end to see that.

What do you guys think? Are the new trainers going to get results, or were they merely picked to be exciting and get ratings?

(Image courtesy of NBC)