'The Bachelorette': Applying Ali's 'Pearl Metaphor' Logic to Everything Else in Tahiti
'The Bachelorette': Applying Ali's 'Pearl Metaphor' Logic to Everything Else in Tahiti
Meghan Carlson
Meghan Carlson
Senior Writer, BuddyTV
Last night on The Bachelorette, Ali and Chris went hunting for pearls on the coast of Tahiti, which then prompted the Bachelorette to weave the following analogy:

"Being here with Chris looking for pearls, sort of reminds me of our relationship: It was slow to develop, but you just wait and give it some time and you wind up with something beautiful."

Ali, you are so profound. Your words are like a tapestry of wisdom woven from the fabric of the sun.

Why don't The Bachelorette story editors let Ali wax poetic more often? Probably because then she would come off as TOO smart, and then the boys wouldn't like her anymore. But, luckily, we know what Ali the poet would say about all the other fun activities she did in Tahiti this week:

ali-whaleflip.jpg"My dramatic Baywatch/Little Mermaid/Free Willy out-of-the-water hair flip reminds me of my relationships on The Bachelorette: Pretty sexy, but obviously contrived and kind of embarrassing."

roberto-straddle-tahiti.jpg"Roberto straddling the railing of his deck in Tahiti reminds me of all the rejections I've handed out this season on The Bachelorette: It's uncomfortable to watch and probably hurts, but he got himself into this situation, and it's not my problem."

ali-roberto-water-tahiti.jpg"Getting my weave wet while swimming in the ocean with Roberto reminds me of leaving my job at Facebook: I know it was a bad idea, but I know someone will just hand me another one later."

ali-roberto-machete.jpg"Smashing the crap out of this mango with a machete reminds me of my interactions with the men on The Bachelorette: They start out fruity and tough to crack, but I eventually break them."

chris-ali-jumpcatamaran.jpg"Jumping off the catamaran with Chris reminds me of kissing the weatherman: If you close your eyes and hold your breath, it's not that bad."

ali-chris-fantasysuite.jpg"These romantic huts with curtains for doors remind me of the Fantasy Suite dates that I have inside of them: Privacy is not the top priority."

frank-ali-talk-tahiti.jpg"This flower in my hair that I just dramatically threw to the ground reminds me of Frank: At first it seemed like a good idea, but now it just seems stupid, and I want to smash it with my foot."

chrisharrison-ali-beach.jpg"This beach reminds me of my talks with Chris Harrison: Endless. And kind of itchy."

NEXT WEEK: It's the "Men Tell All," and that means two things for us Bachelorette fan-bashers: The weatherman and Kasey. Can't. WAIT!

Speaking of metaphors ... this one looks just right.

(Images courtesy of ABC)