It's right there in the headline, so I shouldn't have to say this, but I will anyway, because, if nothing else, it's fun to type in all-caps: SPOILER ALERT.
Look at this official ABC photo of Emily Maynard as the Bachelorette.
Look how easy, breezy, beautiful (TM Covergirl) she is! That ring doesn't quite work with the pastel tie-dye top and black pants, but whatevs. Her hair is like pure, silken gold, and her face, well ... it's a good thing that the technology from the movie Face/Off
doesn't actually exist, or else Emily might need to sleep with one eye open, lest one of the less facially fortunate of us try to break into her luxury hotel suite and force a face-trade. Not that I've looked into it or anything. SHE'S EXTREMELY PRETTY, IS WHAT I AM SAYING.Last we checked in
with sweet Emily on our creepy quest to find out the secrets of her Bachelorette
quest for love before they air, we learned that in her first two weeks in North Carolina with her 25 to 17 original suitors, she slow-danced twice, scaled a building and performed with the Muppets. You know, typical "first date stuff." Then Emily and her remaining man-brood jetted off to Bermuda, where spoilers have proven only slightly harder to come by. But they're still coming! So here's what's new:
First off, more details from Emily's dates in North Carolina:About the Premiere: Whatever this means
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.More Date #1 Details:
Apparently Emily decided to put the whole "single mom" thing front and center on her first one-on-one date with personal trainer Ryan, kicking it off by attending her daughter Ricki's soccer game
. "The game was at Ricki's elementary school, and they filmed the girls
practicing," a so-called friend of Emily's (who also called Maynard a "wannabe trophy wife") said. "Emily and Ryan stood on the
sidelines with the other parents." Two Types of Play: Reality Steve revealed
that Emily's first group date went to SkyHigh Sports before
they performed in the Muppet charity show. That's a lot of play time (with a lot of guys!) for one day. And here's Chris Harrison with the audience
at the Muppets show. (No sign of Statler and Waldorf, though.)May the Odds Be Ever in Your Favor: Bachelor
producer Robert Mills tweeted
that Emily's second group date in NC was "Hunger Games
inspired" -- which sounded like a joke (at least to me) at first, but some of the spoiler sites are speculating that one of Emily's guys won that private fireworks show
as a result of being the last man standing in the "game."One word
Let me repeat that word again: DOLLYWOOD!
Mike Fleiss kinda-sorta confirms
. The question is: Will the real live Dolly Parton appear on this mystery date? And the follow-up question is: WILL I DIE of ecstasy when that happens?Now, on to Bermuda (Bahama, come on pretty mama...):
The cast (or is it the crew?) is doublin' down on the aphrodisiacs
. And this guy
got sent home, apparently. (Happens a lot on this show...)Another Mystery Date:
A couple days ago, the Bermuda Sun spotted
Emily with this mystery guy at right, "walking from King's Square to St Peter's Church where they sat on the steps and had a meal."The Dreaded Two-on-One Date: Took place yesterday
, and Reality Steve reports
that it happened on a yacht called The Venetian in the Hamilton Harbor. The yacht later docked at the Fairmont Hamilton Princess Resort
. Hopefully with one less passenger, who, ideally, was sent away weeping on a tiny dinghy.And finally, some important newflashes from the creator of The Bachelor: Drama is inevitable
. And roses will be handed out
.(Images courtesy of ABC; Bermuda Sun)