I've always imagined the way Chris Harrison would say those parting words to me when I did not receive the final rose. And now the time has come, iBuddies. After almost four years, more than 2,500 blog posts and approximately a thousand hours spent recapping The Bachelor
, it's time for me to take a moment and say my goodbyes.
Today is my last day at BuddyTV, which makes this my last article on BuddyTV for the foreseeable future. I've accepted a new position at a different company here in Seattle that, while it won't quite afford me the unique creative freedom to photoshop Snooki inside of things
or devote an entire day to cataloging the contortions of Tyra Banks' endlessly terrifying face
, I am very excited about. I'll still be writing, just not in the form to which you've become accustomed (8,000 word Bachelor recaps
). I know. Shhh. I know
. It's hard, but we're gonna be OK.
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Still -- if you'll forgive me getting all sincere up in here for
a second -- it's bittersweet to leave a website I've put so much work
and love and myself into, and difficult to leave a company that has
helped me grow and introduced me to some of my closest friends in the
world, and sad to leave this weird community, and you lovable weirdos
who inhabit it, that I've grown to care about so much.
When I began at BuddyTV in 2008, I had no idea what I was getting into -- and, truth be told, I wasn't sure I'd be able to sustain an interest in writing about television (especially reality television) for very long. Then, as so many, many, many
times before and since, I was dead wrong. Now I know that, as with so many, many, many
things in life, writing about reality television is what you make of it.
Except Bachelor Pad
. I will go to my grave knowing for a fact that there are no redeeming or salvageable qualities about that soulless theater of ham-fisted, half-brained, Axe-scented rubes. Oh, which reminds me, can you BELIEEEEVE the way Chris Bukowski is treating those girls? It's like, just because
they're all professional spokemodels who continually apply to be treated like disposable sex objects on television doesn't mean they don't have FEELINGS. Ugh, that guy.
(Subtext alert! About to link you to some of my personal favorite posts from throughout the years...)
But The Bachelor
, America's Next Top Model, Gossip Girl, even Jersey Shore at times
-- I've learned some genuine life lessons from analyzing these wonderful nightmares for so long! Seriously! Yes, I've written about other, more "quality" and less "brain-damaging"
shows, but never as enjoyably or successfully.
What can I say? Maybe garbage is my muse.
For example, I have learned that, whatever it is that you're doing, you might find that most people aren't "in it for the right reasons." Do your best to ignore those people. Find your kindred spirits, and say to them, "I AM here to make friends." Friendship is the best
I've also learned to never attack someone for something they can't change, like their looks or their mom. That's mean and pointless. And internet commenters don't like it, and will be mean about your looks and/or mom right back. Plus, it's actually WAY more fun, and effective, to make fun of people for things they can
change, like the stupid things they say and do
One thing I've definitely learned is something I don't think most people on reality television know (which is maybe a good thing since, if they did
know, there would shortly be no more reality television to watch) and that is that confidence is good, but blind ambition stuffed inside willful ignorance and deep-fried in a thick layer of self-importance is bad
. The only thing worse than a cocky bastard
is a cocky bastard who thinks he's a humble martyr
Deep down, we're all just well-meaning fools
trying (and often failing) not to mess it all up. Like, ALL THE TIME. Don't try to hide who you are
. Embrace your flaws. Some of your ideas
might be terrible. Some of the things
you think are witty and charming and inventive may not be, at all. But that's OK! You're trying. That will make it all the more exciting and rewarding when things do go your way
Last but not least, anything can be turned into a drinking game
and somehow it doesn't get old.
Thanks to those of you who spent your time reading my silly jokes about these silly shows we love. And special thanks to those of you who have taken the time to write thoughtful, nice and constructive comments throughout the years. You have kept me honest, made me laugh and made me a better writer. I'm very grateful to have been a part of your lives, however remotely.
You can still find me on Twitter
, where I'll post any future blogging/writing stuff as it happens, along with other updates about my mental lapses and those asinine Bachelor
theories (yes, I expect I'll still be watching and commenting) that now have nowhere else to go. Without this wonderful open forum at my disposal, maybe I'll actually use it more often.
Genuine love and meaningless roses,