It's the day we've been waiting for, Bachelor fans, foes and frenemies: the much anticipated (and possibly ill-fated) Bachelor: On the Wings of Love finale, in which Jake will introduce his final two ladies to his family, choose his bride-to-be in a romantic rose ceremony and ride off into the sunset on a flying carpet, because that is the only aircraft left for him to pilot on TV.
Ready to wade through three Bachel-hours of romantic cliches and waterfall swimming sessions to see who will become Mrs. Pavelka (maybe), and who will leave St. Lucia alone and painfully humiliated (definitely)?
Of course you are. Who wouldn't be?
But first, a quick note:
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don't forget that during the commercial breaks, ABC will also announce the newest celebrities to compete on Dancing with the Stars,
and after the 2-hour Bachelor
finale, the After the Final Rose special
will catch up with Jake, Vienna and Tenley, and introduce next season's Bachelorette.
I'll report on all these announcements as they happen, but just to make sure you don't miss a thing, I recommend that you stay put in front of the TV, and save any bathroom breaks for whenever you see Chris Harrison pop up on screen, because that is ABC's secret signal that nothing important will happen for at least 15 minutes.
Onward to the Bachelor
finale! Let's all fly high On the Wings of Love
(and play the On the Wings of Fun Drinking Game
!) for one last time. Together. And then never say "on the wings of anything
" ever again! Jake's Journey
We open on Mr. Bachelor, who is having a hard time deciding between Tenley and Vienna, because he is "so in love" with both "perfect" women.
On the one hand, Tenley seems "too good to be true," while Vienna "makes me feel like I'm the only guy in the room." (Maybe because you are.)
This week is about Jake deciding which woman he'd be willing to "lay down his life for." (Not literally. Some of you might say, "...unfortunately.") Family Matters
And he'll have the help of his family. Jake greets his two brothers, their wives, and his parents.
Jake tells the fam that Tenley and Vienna are like "night and day," and he needs their help figuring out who fits him well. They'll meet sweetie-pie Tenley today, and he says they have a great emotional connection...while Vienna is passionate and competitive and didn't make any friends in the process. His mom interrupts: "Is she the girl that everybody hated? Because sometimes there's something to that!"
Jake realizes he
wasn't smart to cast Vienna as the villain before they even met her. He claims he wants them to like her, but his word vomit indicates he wants them to save him from himself. Look, I'm getting all Freudian on The Bachelor
. Oops for both of us!Tenley Meets the Family
Tenley arrives with flowers, and meets the gang. She's a bit stressed to meet everyone, but luckily she's Tenley, and she's just as naturally rosy as her cute little sundress. She gives a speech to the group about why she is falling in love with Jake, managing to applaud his parents in the process. Daddy Pavelka shows where Jake got his waterworks from... and starts to cry!
In her one-on-one with Jake's mom, Tenley brings up her divorce as evidence of her being able to handle conflict. She says the loss of her husband was hard on her family, but she never gives up and she wants to be a part of a whole family and help hold it together. Jake's mom is smitten with Tenley, and lets out a couple tears. One down, one to go.
In her talk with Jake's dad, Tenley makes a lot of points for her family values and sunny personality. Jim LOVES Tenley's passion about a close-knit family for her grandchildren, and says he thinks he just met his future daughter-in-law. Two for two!
Meanwhile, Jake tells his brothers and sisters-in-law that he plans to ask one of them to marry him... but he doesn't know which. And his mother tells Jake that he needs to bring out his goofy side with Tenley to see if she can be spontaneous, like he claims Vienna is.The Swimming Test
Which is what he does. He jumps in the pool with all his clothes on, and Tenley follows. "That's what life's about, seizing the little bitty moments." The brothers jump in, too, and Sallie (Jake's mom) calls her "perfect."
As far as the Pavelkas are concerned, it's case closed. Tenley Pavelka just sounds right to them. Vienna is going to have to woo their freaking pants off... but her track record of friend-making this season isn't too promising. Vienna's Turn
Vienna greets Jake with a "Hi baby" and a fruit basket, and Jake again regrets telling his family she was the girl everyone despised this season. She's worried she won't live up to their standards, but Jake thinks she just needs to be herself.
Vienna tells them about herself, and lets it slip with a laugh that, "the girls hated me from the beginning." The sisters-in-law aren't impressed, and one of them says she lacked class in talking about other people, while the other is concerned about her "confrontational" attitude. At lunch, they continue to ask about her conflicts, and Vienna says she was "brutally honest," which is why she didn't make friends.
Sallie isn't having it with Vienna, who keeps deflecting serious questions with sarcasm, and says she likes Jake because he "can be sweet." What is that?
Mom and Jake: Let's Get Real
Mom is concerned about... pretty much everything about Vienna, and Jake admits that she "pokes" at people. Mom says that means, down the road, she'll be "poking" at her sisters-in-law and Jake.
Jake feels defensive of Vienna, and he blames his initial statement about Mom's bad opinion. But it's not like Vienna did anything to prove him wrong, either. Interview 101 indicates that you don't answer questions with, "Um, I don't know," and "Everybody hated me!" And let's get real: this IS an interview.Brothers and Sisters
Jake's brothers tell him that Vienna's "brutal honesty" seems more like an immature defensive mechanism. (Ding ding ding!)
Meanwhile, Vienna tells the sisters that Tenley is sweet but bland, whereas she is fun and challenging for Jake. They question her confidence, but she claims it's because Jake makes her feel like she's the only girl for him. She finally
says the right thing when she says that Jake brings out the best in her, and she can't see her life without him.Mom-DOOM
Mom gives Vienna her concerns right off the bat: she wants Vienna to get along with her daughter-in-laws, and she wants to know that Vienna can get along with people... and she doesn't see that yet. Vienna defends herself, saying she stood up against girls who ganged up on her, and Mom comes around a little bit. Later, Mom even starts to smile as Vienna tears up over how much she cares about Jake. "You've changed my mind," Sallie says.
The sisters go back to Jake and delicately approve of Vienna, saying she is abrasive, but they feel guilty for initially judging her, because they see how much she cares about him, and they don't think she's a bad person.Overall conclusion:
Vienna shouldn't look into a public speaking career, but that doesn't make her a bad match for Jake. Mom declares Vienna would make a "very good" wife. NEXT>> The Last Chance Dates