As we saw this week on Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains, Russell and Parvati, Coach and Jerri, and Colby and Candace all have their own ways of showing affection.
As my girl Courtney explained, Parvati will flirt with anything that moves. She's like a motion detector. Stand still and you're invisible to her. But one little sneeze and she'll start flirting with you. This likely explains tabloid stories linking her to unlikely love interests like Conan O'Brien, Anna Pacquin, Spuds McKenzie and a Teddy Ruxpin toy.
Jerri reminds me more and more of Six Feet Under's dark and angsty psychology bug Brenda Chenowith (Rachel Griffiths.) Jerri is constantly soul searching, yet she always seems to do the wrong thing. She showed up for the original All Stars promising to be a hero and ended up getting booed out of Madison Square Garden.
This time she promised to be a villain, but it feels like grasping at straws. I think that deep down all she has ever wanted was to feel loved, which would be sweet if it weren't also hard to watch.
Boston Rob would have taken her to the finale, but she screwed him over. Coach seems like he'd walk 500 miles for her (and given his love of outdoor adventures, maybe 5,000 more.) But she made new plans that put him in a very uncomfortable position, and that made him feel (sniff) unloved.
I never, ever saw it coming but Coach and Jerri are the same. Coach has this unbearably romantic spirit when it comes to honor. He's a villain who's just as desperate to be accepted as she is.
Boston Rob makes being a good guy look easy. They may it look like the opera of Faust. They can't trust people and they doubt themselves, so they can't communicate clearly the way that succesful heroes do. In other words, as Parvati would say, they're a couple of Crazy Pants McGees.
Colby, on the other hand, takes a much more direct approach to love. Did you see how he celebrated his win in the Reward Challenge? He gave Candace's butt the Snuggle Bear squeeze test.
No, on second thought, that would imply he squeezed gently. I'm surprised Candace didn't yelp. Then again, in fairness I've seen Ken Griffey Jr. congratulate teammates on a home run in the same way.
Meanwhile, Courtney, who we've heard far too little from, horrified me got hung up on that Immunity Challenge net. It's a trampoline, Courtney. Even Rupert bounced and I thought the net was going to split under him. Let's show some more hustle out there next week, Marcel Marceau! And don't tell me you're still more coordinated than Sandra (who took one of the worst face plants into the dirt I've ever seen.) That's not an excuse!
On a final note, Russell is getting on my nerves, and longtime readers of mine know I have championed his accomplishments in the past. Other villains may talk a lot of smack, but they usually do it with scathing humor. Russell's problem is that he isn't funny. He's just crude. No matter how awesome his strategy is to watch, his confessionals are bad television.
-Henry Jenkins, BuddyTV Columnist