Jeff Probst, my cardiologist will be sending you a bill for the heart attack I had watching tonight's Tribal Council!
Was your mouth slightly agape? Was your breath caught in your throat? Was the tip of your tongue stuck out the corner of your mouth in concentration?
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I'll make no bones about it: I'm a Tom fan. Tom is the bomb, and Colby is his right hand man. This season is called Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains because it's Tom and Colby vs. the world. They're like Butch and Sundance, Don Quixote and Sancho Panza, Michael Jackson and Bubbles. If they make it to the end it will be more impressive than Uma Thurman taking out that room full of assasins in Kill Bill.
The only thing is, Cirie Fields is no club-footed henchman. For my money she's one of the two shrudest female Survivor competitors of all time. They say The Force can have a strong influence on the weak-minded, and it's true. When Cirie talks Amanda nods. It was a brutal vote because no matter who went home it was going to be a shame.
That's what's so great about this season: More so than any in Survivor history it feels like a tournament of champions. Tom found the Hidden Immunity Idol, but Amanda was perceptive enough to catch on. Tom was then wise enough to try to get rid of it, and JT was in turn wise enough not to take it. The tribe organized effectively to split their votes, but Tom and Colby were persuasive enough to flip JT.
In other words, everyone made the best move possible, like a Garry Kasparov-Deep Blue chess match.
Over on the Villains tribe less strategy is necessary, but Sandra is still working her magic. She made one comment at Tribal Council and it shook Coach so badly that he almost quit. She reduced him to a wimpering child. I'd hate to see what she could do to an intern.
That conversation between Coach and Tyson was amazing. I love Coach this season, but the man has mood swings like Sybil.
Tyson was in fine form, too. People always say "If I have parsley stuck in my teeth I want them to tell me." Maybe that's not so bad. But Tyson took it to another level.
He told Coach, "Don't wear feathers when we go to Tribal. Don't tell your stories. People don't believe your stories. They mock you. Do your tai chi in private where nobody can see you."
I'd say Tyson was trying to make Coach paranoid, but it's not paranoia if people actually are out to get you. Tyson is just one of those people who, for whatever reason, pride themselves on being 'brutally honest.' And by brutally honest, I mean a sadistic jerk.
If there's one guy who's more out of control than poor Coach, though, it's Russell. "The Best Player in Survivor History" is simply in over his head.
It's the same thing I've always said about Richard Hatch. I love Rich. But if you cast him with people who weren't shaky on the very concept of an alliance he would not be in the mix for the best player of all time. I could tackle a bunch of Pee Wee League football kids. That doesn't mean I ought to be starting in the Super Bowl. And pantsing Shambo and Mick doesn't necessarily mean that Russell is The King of Samoa.
If Russell wants to prove he's the best, he's going to have to outwit the likes of Boston Rob, Parvati, Tom and Colby.
But hey, if he can't, at least he can take some consolation in one thing. He may be the best darn Slip n' Slider I've ever seen!
-Henry Jenkins, BuddyTV Columnist
(Image courtesy of CBS)