It's the 99th episode of Supernatural
, and Sam and Dean are getting their Jay-Z swagger on. If you got girl problems I feel bad for you son, but Sam and Dean are dealing with a lot more than that, with Lucifer becoming more powerful, the Apocalypse nearing and the recent revelation that God wants nothing to do with them.
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Jay-Z sang, "I got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one." The same can not be said for Sam and Dean, because in this episode, a bitch is very much a problem. Or to be more precise, a whore. The Whore of Babylon.
"99 Problems" kicks off with Sam and Dean being saved by the Sacrament Lutheran Militia, a group of dudes who use a fire hose full of holy water and exorcism chants through a megaphone to kill demons. That's pretty bad-ass. They take the boys back to their church where the preacher's daughter, Leah, is a prophet of the Lord, or so she claims, in direct contact with the angels.
This town of Hunters causes a rift between Sam and Dean. Dean has checked out and doesn't care since in one or two months, everyone's going to be dead anyway from the Apocalypse. Sam still wants to stop it, so he calls Castiel for help, but gets his voicemail. The message Cas leaves, full of utter confusion about technology, is priceless.
Leah gets a message and sends a group to kill some demons. After the carnage, a local boy wants to get a ride back in the Impala, but he's killed in a sneak attack by a demon under the car. This murder leaves a sour note in the town, but Leah promises that they will all get paradise on Earth and see their loved ones again if they follow a bunch of rules, including no sex or booze.
The townspeople take this very seriously and abandon the local bar. But because the bartender is still drinking, they go to his place and try to run him out of town. When that fails, they kill him.
Cas finally shows up, drunk as a skunk. "I found a liquor store," he says, "And I drank it." Drunk Cas is the best. He informs the boys that Leah is not a prophet because he knows all the prophets. Instead, she's the Whore of Babylon, a minion of Lucifer whose job is to corrupt humans and condemn their souls to Hell.
This doesn't sit well with Dean, who wants to pimp slap the Whore. The only way to kill her is with a special stake, but only a servant of God can do it, which rules out Cas, Dean and especially Sam, because he's an abomination.
Meanwhile the Whore of Babylon convinces the townspeople to round up all sinners and burn them alive, which has her dad, the preacher (a true servant of God) a little upset. Cas confronts the preacher and explains the situation, getting him to agree to stake his daughter.
They find her, but she fights back. She's about to kill Dean when he grabs the stake and kills her. But how did he do it, since he's not really a servant of God? By now, Sam is suspicious, but viewers know where it's going.
Indeed, Dean hops into the Impala and leaves Sam behind, a reversal from when Sam ran away to deal with Lilith on his own at the end of season 4. Where does Dean go?
To Lisa Braeden's house. You remember Lisa, Dean's old girlfriend who has an awesome Dean-like son named Ben. It makes sense, since I did put her as the top woman on my list of Dean Winchester's Greatest Loves
. Dean confesses that he really loves her and when he pictures his perfect life, she's there. This is true, since we saw Dean's dream back in season 3 with Lisa.
But Dean can't be with her, though he promises she will be safe because he's going to make a deal and part of the terms will be that she and Ben are safe. Then he leaves her to do what he has to do: say "Yes" to Michael.
Next week on Supernatural
: It's the 100th episode, and with Dean ready to make a deal, you can bet there are going to be some major twists and turns.(Image courtesy of the CW)