Oh no, the boring has returned...with a vengeance! Just as I feared, now that the blondtourage is gone and only the brunettes remain, there will be no drink throwing, choking, or over-the-top insanity. Nope, we'll be coasting down the road to Dullsville right up to the Rock of Love Bus
finale. Will there be pseudo cat fights? Yes. Will friendships be tested? Certainly. Will any of it be the drama or ridiculousness match what we've come to expect or hope from Brett Michaels and the Rock of Love
franchise? Sadly, no.
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While last week was all about the exes (and not-entirely-exes), this week was all about communicating feelings, with a dash of humiliation added into the delivery. This week, Bret wanted to see if he and the remaining four women could "make sweet music together." And for once, Bret meant this literally and not in a cheesy kind of pick-up line way. So as their challenge Beverly, Jamie, Mindy, and Taya each had to write a title, chorus and verse for a Bret Michaels' song and then sing and record the song with Bret. The girls had one hour to write their lyrics, and quite reasonably, some of the girls (see: Mindy) we're freaking out about it.
In fact this week, Miss Mindy, our absolute favorite, kind of went from sweet and reliable to soap opera diva. Now, I don't blame Mindy for freaking out about the song-writing and singing challenge. Some of us, Mindy and myself included, couldn't sing if our lives or reality relationship dreams depended on it. And writing lyrics to a song, that fit within the structure of the melody of the song, seems a really difficult task, especially in an hour. However, Mindy's other melt-downs were uncharacteristic of the girl we've come to really adore. We hope it was a momentary blip of stress, because we're not loving the internal Mindy soap opera.
While Mindy is freaking out about the song-writing challenge, both Beverly and Taya seem to be loving the it. The lyrics just spilled out for Beverly; and after an hour she already had her song stuck in her head, which made her "feel like a total rock star." Taya, on the other hand, is excited because she knows she has a secret weapon up her sleeve: she can sing. Turns out when Taya's not posing for Penthouse
or being a "featured burlesque dancer," she's quite musical and has spent a lot of time around recording studios and musicians.
Bret is really looking forward to this challenge, and I'm not sure if that's because he's looking forward to the humiliation aspect or to getting his ego stroked in song. Beverly is up first singing her mini-song: "Love, War, & Rock'n'Roll" and damn, she's actually a decent singer. Beverly looks like a total natural singing with Bret and her song is actually really decent, she was right--it's pretty darn catchy. If romance with Bret doesn't work out for Beverly, maybe she could be a co-song writer with him. Despite her heavy drinking, attitude, and kissing the drummer thing, I still really like Beverly and unlike most of the ladies, Beverly really is there for Bret.
Up next is Jamie, performing her track "Text Message My Heart." Really, Jamie..."Text Message My Heart?" That sounds like a Miley Cyrus song title. But I digress. Jamie can't sing, but she looks awfully cute shaking about in her bootie shorts, which Bret seems to be enjoying. After her performance, Bret assures Jamie it's not about the voice, it's about spirit--which Jamie had in buckets. Taya, the ringer, is up next singing her track "Once Upon a Time." Like all things Taya, the song is uber-cheesy, but done with surgical proficiency. Jamie, Mindy, and Beverly's jaws are on the table when Taya starts singing, with the general consensus being a frustrated, "Of course Taya can sing." Mindy leans over mid-song and says to the other stunned girls, "Maybe Penthouse
wasn't the only thing Taya was trying to promote. Wouldn't it be funny this entire time if she really wanted to start a music career?" Interesting thought Mindy, very interesting.
Speaking of Mindy, she's up next with "On My Way to Loving You" and there was good reason for her to be nervous. Mindy lacks total confidence on stage and as promised, she really can't sing. In fact, Mindy kind of talks through the whole thing and still can't stay on with the music. On the other hand, her lyrics were sweet and seemed heartfelt. Bret thought all the girls lyrics were "surprisingly awesome," and he kicks the girls out of the studio to deliberate with his guitarist Pete about whose song and performance was the best.
Obviously this race is between Beverly or Taya, who both shocked me with their singing and song-writing. Pete was impressed that Beverly realized a song needed a chorus and verse, which none of the other girls did. Pete said that Taya was "obviously the singer of the bunch," but that it "wasn't her first rodeo." While Bret and Pete are conferencing, Mindy is telling her friend Taya about her "music career comment," and Taya is not pleased at all. Is this the beginning of the end of reality TVs dullest friendship? It just may be. Bret calls the girls back in and declares the semi-obvious: Taya is the winner of the challenge. Taya smiles her smug little smile, right up until the point Bret says, that two girls did so well on the challenge that he's decided to make tonight's planned solo date into a double date. Taya looks like she's about to crumble into a million pieces, while Beverly gets a smile of a knowing winner.
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--Abbey Simmons, BuddyTV Staff Writer
(Image Courtesy of Vh1)