While the show was titled Rock of Love Charm School Reunion, they really should have titled it: The Battle of Sharon versus Megan. Because let's face it, everyone was tuning in for the big fight, and the battle of Sharon and Megan did not disappoint.
Let me set the scene: six months after the finishing the filming of Charm School, tempers still seem to be running hot between the former contestants and the head-mistress of the show, Sharon Osbourne. Even before the full-on fight broke out on stage, you could tell the tensions were high and that very little of the 'charm' and manners that the ladies had learned, had stuck. The Vh1 censors were kept busy with expletive filled name calling, and interviews with past-Charm School contestants that were more bleep-outs than words.
Before the battle of good (Sharon) vs. evil (Megan), Sharon talked to a few of the former Charm School contestants. The most enjoyable of these was with Angelique (nickname: Frenchie, French Porn Barbie). Angelique, as half-naked and sequined as ever, carried on jovially with Sharon. As with her previous appearances on Rock of Love and Charm School, Angelique's speaking parts come with their very own misspelled, phonetic sub-titles. For example, here's what Angelique had to say about herself: "Ahm very ahmbitiouz, ahnd zere is a lot of zing ah want to do. Ah want to be T.V. ohst, and rahdio ohst." Good luck with that Frenchie, sadly we have to agree with Sharon's advice for your future, "go full on porn."
After interviewing Angelique, Sharon has a few dull conversations with resident Charm School alcoholic Courtney and "changed woman" Kristi Jo, before getting to the juicy stuff with everyone's favorite future-trophy-wife, Megan. It seems like Megan, who is donning a rhinestoned white string bikini and high heels, has a had a few drinks before the taping of the reunion, as she is slurring her words and screaming like a drunken cheerleader. Megan's hooting and hollering and generally making an ass out of herself, while Sharon's trying her best to keep her cool and use some of the manners and class she'd hoped to impart on the girls. However, when Megan interrupts Rodeo, with a story of how her retarded dog (Lily) couldn't come to the reunion because she's "having her lady parts removed, so she can't procreate;" Sharon has clearly had enough. Without missing a beat, in her cool and collected English accent, Sharon tells Megan that she should have the same surgery as Lily. Sharon says to Megan matter-of-factly, "you shouldn't be allowed to breed."
While everyone else was in sound agreement with Sharon, it would seem that Megan took offense. Because, the next thing out of Megan's well-glossed lips is an ill-advised insult about Sharon and her husband, Ozzy Osbourne. Between the multitude of bleeps, we gathered that Megan said that Sharon shouldn't be so quick to judge, since all she was famous for is 'wiping her husband's butt.' The audience and former Charm Schoolers gasp at Megan's comment and Sharon, who's obviously already decided what's coming next for Megan, begins her attack. Sharon politely shakes her head and says quietly, that she feels sorry for Megan. Then, in a slice of reality TV genius, Sharon fakes a cough and says she needs a drink of juice before she can properly respond to Megan.
Megan, must not be playing dumb for TV, because she should have seen that cranberry juice that was about to be hurled at her from a mile away. Instead, she sits there cluelessly plastered on the couch, as Sharon grabs her glass of juice and dumps it all over Megan's over-processed locks and white bikini. Megan barely has a moment to gasp in the shock of what just happened, before Sharon lunges at her like a woman possessed. While you see very little of the actual melee, there is a lot of screaming, security, and even more expletives. Megan is dragged off by security, covered in red-juice and her extensions a-mess, while Sharon straightens her leather jacket and looks no worse for the wear.
When Sharon emerges unscathed and triumphant, the crowd and former contestants go nuts for her. The scene is straight out of a Jerry Springer episode, the crowd is chanting "Sharon! Sharon!", while the remaining contestants surround Sharon with hugs. In the midst of the chaos and congratulations, someone says to Sharon: "that was the coolest thing I've ever seen." And we have to agree. Megan has had it coming to her for a long long time, and that Sharon Osbourne, a lady 40 years her senior gave it to her, after supposedly being her teaching her about charm and class, was reality TV perfection.
Sharon and Megan Battle Royale:
--Abbey Simmons, BuddyTV Staff Writer
(Image Courtesy of Vh1)