On tonight's Reign:
a surprise marriage, two switched engagements, some brother bonding, and a little reliable poison.
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Henry, The Mad King
Do you know who the real monster is in this episode? It's our boy King Henry the Mad. Remember his worsening sexual appetite? Remember his ridiculousness over his sons? It's a miracle the writers didn't pull out this crazy behavior sooner.
Henry is in one of his moods again, teaching a nobleman a lesson with candle wax. That's the least kinky thing that happens this episode. And Catherine condones him!
This is the backbone of the episode of the week: "a queen for the day" contest. Any servant can become queen for a day by finding the magic bean. It's called Queen of the Bean. WHAT? The servant gets to wear royal clothes, order servants for a day, and gets presents. Also, if she is pretty, she must sleep with Henry. After this glorious day of royalty, the candidate goes back to being a servant. Penelope, the kitchen girl, wins. I feel sad for her because she is probably going to die and she just looked so happy winning.
Nostradamus and Catherine conspire to make Henry sane, and enlist Penelope to drug him with a coma poison, which they call an aphrodisiac. Again, kinky. Also, were comas a thing in the 16th century? Was that a word used?
The turning point of Henry's brand of crazy is when he suggests Mary should have sex with the servant girl in front of him. For his pleasure. Ladies and gentleman, avert your eyes: Henry is a madman. But luckily, the Queen for a Bean is also crazy. Penelope decides to bondage up Henry. This is officially weird because Penelope looks 12 and a half, but this just adds a new layer of evil to Henry. Penelope is taking to power way too well because she has manipulated the mad Henry into believing she is a queen and she drugged Catherine.
By the way, I'm pretty sure Henry has the asshole brain cancer, but there are some theories that it is the "darkness" that has killed his brain. We'll see in coming weeks!
In The Shadows
Greer's man is Lord Julian, a Hungry man, who walks in on her and Leith (which I have been pronouncing wrong). I know it is forbidden, but that isn't even why they have the best chemistry on the show. This is the couple I root for. Julian's sort of a nice guy and he breaks up with her, leaving Greer the laughing stock of the castle. This all happens in about four minutes.
So, that escalated quickly.
Greer consults the other ladies in waiting when Mary shows up, being a perfect queen and understanding friend. Sometimes, I think Mary is most likable with these girls, especially as of late. Mary plots to use Lord Julian to marry Lola (even though a pregnancy is more scandalous than an affair with a servant).
Elsewhere, Lord Castleroy gets Leith out of jail and into the army. But he cares about Greer too much to leave her in the cold. Castleroy appears to be one of the good guys! He even hugs Greer after she accepts his marriage proposal! He's not Leith, but he deserves his own level of swoon.
The Second Oddest Couple
Olivia dreams of her time as a happy meal for the lurking beast, but her wounds are not healing. Nostradamus performs "surgery" in the dirtiest OR room, ever. He also finds something in there. Ew.
The Olivia and Nostradamus romance has reached new heights. But Nostradamus refuses because the last person he danced with was his wife. He was married with children, but they died from from the plague. Do they mean the plague, which decimated Europe in the 14th century, not the 16th? Or just your general run-of-the-mill plague? Regardless, now we understand why Nostradamus is a magic seer person who has a very, very raspy voice.
The Triangle Is Back, Sort Of
Suddenly, our boy Bash shows up, surrendering to his King as he warns him of the danger. Of course, Henry is crazy and Francis is not having it because "Bash is a liar and a murderer." I can't really remember why Bash and Francis hate each other again. I know it involves Mary, but I don't understand the vitriol. It looks like they will reconcile soon?
Bash tells Francis that his precious Olivia was in danger. Olivia's French accent really contrasts against everyone's fake English ones. Everyone is here, rallying to find this so-called monster. I think the real monsters though, are the little ones: The jealousy between Bash and Francis, the brain cancer Henry probably has. Yeah.
Anyway, Nostradamus arrives to chaperone this pow wow, and to confirm that the dark monster is actually a man (even though he holds a giant fang to confirm this).
Bash and Francis, in ridiculous attire (and rubber boots!), search the woods for people. Francis and Bash fight over their forced 'issues' as they find 'fresh' tracks. And then some fresh flesh. Francis falls through the ice. Bash cuts through the ice with a sword, saving him. It looks hilarious, honestly. Poor little Francis is a popsicle. But one who is alive (because we know he dies in someone's arms).
Later, the two reconcile (sort of) until Henry shows up to admit that he ordered to have Bash killed. Henry is a wack job. Francis even defends him, putting his tiny little body in front of Bash's. Aww.
But Henry is hell bent on being a scary and a Mad King. So what does he do? He forces Bash to marry Kenna, who is crying through her veil and wedding dress. WHAT? Poor Kenna. I never saw that coming! It's just the cherry on top of all of Henry's abuses to Kenna. I never realized I cared about her until I saw her cry. You could argue that this is a consequence of making a deal with the devil, but Kings have power that not even the devil has. Poor, exploited Kenna.
And now, the inter-web of relationships is even more complicated.
- Bash is still in love with Mary. The writers are still in love with this idea, for some reason.
- I hope Leith and Greer are "end game."
What did you think of tonight's Reign? Were you surprised at Henry's punishment for Kenna and Bash? Do you love Leith and Greer as much as I do? How are you liking Henry the Mad? Sound off below.
Catch an all new Reign April 10th at 9pm on CW!
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(Image courtesy of CW)