Those of us who love competitive reality shows that involve women singing, dancing, and bickering with one another have reason to rejoice:  Pussycat Dolls Present: Girlicious is finally here.  In preparation for tonight's episode, creator Robin Antin auditioned hundreds of girls across the country, eventually narrowing the group down to 15 hopefuls.  These 15 will show off their talents, as well as their other assets, before three of them are sent to the chopping block.  The remaining 12 finalists will then move into a loft together and compete to be one of the three members of Girlicious.  The new girl group will have the chance to release an album, create a music video, go on tour, and hopefully conquer the music scene.

Put on your Pussycat Dolls album and your most tasteful hooker costume, and let's get ready to indulge in Girlicious.

As the episode begins, host Mark McGrath introduces us to the 15 girls who will be trying to impress Pussycat Dolls mastermind Robin Antin.  Antin promises that Girlicious will be hip, urban, and a totally different vibe from PCD.  She then sends the girls to their hotel rooms so they can introduce themselves to one another.

25-year-old Carrie loves to party despite her small town roots.  Keisha is the resident lesbian, adding some interesting spice to the proceedings.  Charlye gives the first sob story of the night, talking about how her dad passed away from cancer.  She wants a spot in Girlicious to honor him.  Charlotte introduces herself by saying she has a tattoo of cherries on her crotch.  Classy!  Ilisa has a heart condition that has killed most girls before they make it to her age, which makes her the easiest one to root for.  Jenna is one of the "bigger" girls in the competition, which means that she's about a size two.  Life must be hard for her.  The rest of the girls don't get much introductory screen time, which means they're either not that interesting or will sneak up on us later.

Robin introduces the girls to the men who will be helping to mold them into singing, dancing machines. Dave Aude will be their musical director, Kenn Hicks will be their vocal coach, and Mikey Minden will be the co-choreographer.  For the first competition, the girls will be split into five groups of three and given a famous girl group song that they'll have to rehearse and perform for the judges.  Let the bickering and infighting begin!

The group consisting of Keisha, Ilisa, and Carrie is given "My Lovin'" by En Vogue.  In rehearsal, Keisha can't get the vocals down, and Ilisa is worried it could cost them the competition.  Carrie has trouble with the dancing, and Mikey Minden calls her entire look and performance "tragic."  The fact that she's never danced before may be the problem.  Which begs the question, how did she ever make it in as one of the finalists?

Charlotte, Natalie, and Kristin have to practice "We Got the Beat" by The Go-Gos.  Charlotte can't pull off the dancing, which is a major problem.  Jamie, Charlye, and Jenna are given "Where Did Our Love Go" by The Supremes, but Jenna has to lay down due to some intense cramps.  Yes, those cramps will come back to haunt her later in the episode.

As for the other girls, Alexis, Tiffanie, and Megan are given "Tainted Love," which was originally recorded by a woman before the famous 1980s Soft Cell version topped the charts.  Chrystina, Cassandra, and Nichole are given a Pussycat Dolls song entitled "Right Now."

After they spend hours rehearsing, Robin comes in to let the girls know that they get to spend the evening partying at the exclusive Tom Tom Club.  All the girls scream with glee and run to their rooms to change, which leads to the biggest drama of the evening:  Charlotte wants to borrow Natalie's boots, but Natalie won't let her!  Of course Natalie thinks she's in the right, because they're her boots, but Charlotte thinks she's being a total bitch and uptight about it.  Seeing girls fight over something this petty is completely ridiculous, but definitely amusing.  Charlotte, of course, reiterates the tumultuous story to all the other girls during the ride to the club.

At the Tom Tom Club, Mark McGrath lets the girls know that they're going to have a little impromptu karaoke competition.  Amusingly enough, the first song they get to sing is Sugar Ray's "Fly," made famous by McGrath himself.  Carrie did an alright job with the song, but Charlotte was the most impressive.

As if the girls weren't uncomfortable enough, Nelly Furtado shows up, makes them all star struck, then makes them sing her hit single "I'm Like A Bird" right in front of her.  Am I the only one who really likes this song and was disappointed when Nelly Furtado returned to the music scene as a glossy booty ho?  Anyway, most of the girls chop the song into pieces and butcher it to death, including Ilisa and Natalie, but Nelly tries to be nice by telling them she enjoyed it.  Lies!

After getting back to the hotel, Jenna is still feeling intense pain due to her cramps.  She talks to one of the producers and the producer calls 911, sending Jenna to the hospital.  Usually we don't get tragic hospital drama until later in the season, so this is quite the event.  Jenna has a ruptured cyst and is afraid that she won't be able to stay in the competition.

The next day, Jenna comes into the studio in a wheelchair and tells Robin and Mikey about her hospital ordeal.  She has to take it easy for the day, but will dance in her wheelchair if she has to.  Jamie is totally selfish and only concerned about Jenna's ruptured cyst negatively affecting the group.  Ah, that Jamie is so sensitive.

Back to Bootgate '08:  Natalie and Charlotte are still upset with each other over the boot borrowing scandal.  The drama between them causes Kristin to break down in tears, afraid that the entire group is falling apart.  Yes Kristin, you may have to go home because two shallow princesses can't stop arguing over some patent leather shoes.  This is the type of danger you expose yourself to when you agree to be in a reality competition.

With rehearsal time coming to a close, Jenna agrees to risk a cyst explosion by getting out of her wheelchair and practicing her dance moves.  In the Bootgate group, Charlotte and Kristin work their butts off while Natalie decides to take a nap.  The trio that's attempting "My Lovin'" is still having trouble because Keisha can't sing.

Now that it's time for the actual performances, let's meet the judges.  Of course we have Robin Antin, the one responsible for all of this.  We also have Geffen Records Chairman Ron Fair, who will watch every performance with a blank look on his face and only discuss star quality.  And then there's Lil' Kim, who is more famous for her breasts and her jail time than she is her singing.  I'm not sure I trust this group to pick out three talented individuals.  However, this is what we're stuck with, so let's get on with the show.

Alexis, Tiffanie, and Megan are first up with their awkward version of "Tainted Love."  They attempt to make it all sexy and electronic, which I don't think works at all, but what do I know?  I guess it was okay for a slutted up version of a song I don't particularly enjoy in the first place.

Ilisa, Keisha, and Carrie perform En Vogue's "My Lovin'," and unfortunately Keisha still can't sing.  As much as I'd love to keep an awesome lesbian in the competition, I think Keisha needs to get the boot.

Charlye, Jamie, and Jenna come out and perform "Where Did Our Love Go."  It's not amazing, but it won't cause The Supremes to hunt them down with torches and pitchforks either.

Chrystina, Cassandra, and Nichole sing "Right Now" by the Pussycat Dolls, which I'm proud to say is a song I've never heard in my life.  Ron Fair looks completely unmoved by the performance, and I can't say I blame him since the girls come across like rejects from a high school talent show.

In contrast to the "Right Now" debacle, Charlotte, Natalie, and Kristin do a pretty great job with "We Got the Beat."  They were the best trio of the night in my opinion.  Maybe Bootgate actually helped them in some way.

With all of the performances wrapped up, it's time for the judges to dish about the girls behind their backs. Alexis has great presence, while Tiffanie has that star quality that Ron Fair is obsessed with.  Megan stood out with her performance.  Carrie has a great voice but limited dance ability, while Keisha is hot but has the voice of a wailing cat.  Ilisa and Chrystina are strong singers.  Natalie and Kristin are good dancers, while Jenna moved around on stage like a flopping fish.  Who will be in and who will be out?

The 12 finalists are:

Tiffanie
Alexis
Megan
Jamie
Jenna
Charlye
Chrystina
Nichole
Cassandra
Ilisa
Natalie
Carrie

Charlotte, Kristin, and Keisha are going home.  Robin tells Charlotte that she doesn't have the right level of talent, while Kristin was doomed for lacking Ron Fair's required star quality.  Keisha, as I've said, sounded like a duck being run over by a steamroller while she sang.  It was ugly.

The remaining girls are all given feather boas and are told they'll be moving into a loft together.  Next week, one girl will have her boa taken away as she's forever denied a spot in Girlicious.  Can anything top the drama of Bootgate '08?  I certainly hope so.


- Don Williams, BuddyTV Staff Columnist
(Image courtesy of the CW)