'One Tree Hill' Season 8 Premiere Recap: Life is a Nightmare
'One Tree Hill' Season 8 Premiere Recap: Life is a Nightmare
John Kubicek
John Kubicek
Senior Writer, BuddyTV
It turns out happy endings don't last very long on One Tree Hill. While season 7 ended with Haley's pregnancy and Brooke's engagement, season 8 kicks off with a dream that turns into a nightmare.

At first Clay wakes up and realizes that getting shot by Psycho Katie was a dream. He and Quinn then spend a perfect day on the beach. But given Clay's history of delusions (talking to his dead wife for most of last season) and the fact that no one else is on the beach, it was fairly obvious where this was going.

Thinking it was a dream was the dream, because Clay and Quinn are still shot, lying bloody in his apartment. I wonder how long you can survive after being shot, because it's been at least a day, and even at the end of the episode they aren't found.

But Clay isn't the only one whose dream becomes a nightmare. There's a bad case of awful news sweeping Tree Hill.

Haley and Nathan

The Dream: They're having a baby and he's going back to the pros, so it seems like they're finally past Haley's depression. Or are they?

The Nightmare: News of the pregnancy leaves Jamie curious about sex, and after getting pretty lame answers from his parents he turns to his obnoxious friend Chuck, who suggests Googling it. So Jamie looks up "lady rabbit sex" for the answers. In case you didn't immediately search for it (you know you did), the first result is for Amazon.com's Lady Rabbit, a multi-attachment vibrator.

Also potentially nightmarish is the fact that both Nathan and Haley go to see their doctors, who want to run some tests. They both claim everything is fine, but I'm guessing it's not. If Nathan can't play basketball again and Haley loses the baby, it might be too much for my little heart to take.

Brooke and Julian

The Dream: The two spend the first hours of their engagement in bed with plenty of sex, some Grease 2 role playing and some wedding planning. And even though he doesn't have another movie, she can support him with her Clothes Over Bros money, right? Wrong.

The Nightmare: Brooke gets arrested for accounting fraud. It seems Victoria has been doing some creative bookkeeping, which results in the company getting shut down. Even though this is very bad, we do get to watch Brooke rip her mom and Millie two new ones, calling out her mom catting around with a younger man and Millie's cocaine days.


The Dream: He's dating Alex, a hot movie star who agrees to be Tric's new bartender and who can tie a cherry stem into a knot with her tongue. It doesn't get much better than that.

The Nightmare: Mia is also back in Tree Hill to take care of the record label, and she's not very happy that Alex stole her man. I smell a serious cat fight in One Tree Hill's future.

In other words, happiness lasts for about a microsecond in Tree Hill before your baby boy is looking at porn on the Internet, your company gets shut down for fraud and two bodies lay shot in a condo. Welcome back One Tree Hill. If misery loves company, then anyone who watches this show is in good hands.

(Image courtesy of the CW)