Lesson #1: There's no deep family secret that a cute animal can't cure.

Frank arrives at the Dunphy household in his RV bearing the gift of a dog, Scout. At first, Claire is furious that Phil knew his dad was bringing the family a pet. (Especially one that both tears up the house and seems a few IQ points smarter than young Luke.) She's not angry enough to miss the fact that Frank seems melancholy, however. She urges her husband to dig beneath Frank's cheerful exterior to find out the truth.

The dog might as well be Dr. Phil, able to reach into the secret heart of two very different people: the buttoned-up Claire and the overly jovial Frank. It turns out Frank's secret sadness comes from hiding his true feelings for Scout. He doesn't want to give the dog up after all. And uptight Claire finally admits she's fallen for the mutt, though she gives him back to Frank.

Best John Steinbeck shout-out of the week: The show's title, which recalls the book, "Travels with Charley," about a road trip the writer made with his dog as a companion.

Lesson #2: Scaring your kid half to death is not a growth experience (and won't score you points with the missus)

Jay takes Manny to a movie on a school day after running into one of Mitchell's old high school buddies--now the star of a movie. (Jay also thinks he'll score points with Gloria for the father-son outing.) Unfortunately for all concerned, it's a slasher flick. A terrified Manny becomes stricken with fear, and Gloria is furious with Jay. He insists to Gloria that a little adversity will toughen Manny up. But he finally realizes something must be done to help the boy after Manny begins camping out in Jay and Gloria's bed--not what he intended. Unfortunately for all concerned, Jay's plan to show Manny that it was "only a movie" becomes the biggest nightmare of all.

Best "Jaws" shout-out of the week: Gloria yelling, "We're going to need a bigger bed!" as Manny races up the stairs.

Cameron: "I haven't played in a while, since Lily came along, but if you're in a jam, I can jam."

Dylan: "Well I totally would, but I'm not sure we like the same sorts of music, you know?"

Cameron (huffily): "Oh what--just because I'm gay, I'm only going to want to play show tunes?"

Dylan: "No, it's because you're old."

Cameron: "That's not a judgment on other people's choices, but we happen to be very traditional family."

Mitchell: "Yes, that's what the disabled lesbian shaman who blessed Lily's room said, too."

Phil: "My dad is awesome! He's always up. He's always happy. He and I are best buds. We're like two peas in a pod. Or Siamese twins. Or a snake with two heads."

Claire: "They've actually been all those things for Halloween."

Phil "I've always felt sorry for people with emotionally distant fathers. It turns out I'm one of them. It's a miracle I didn't end up a stripper."