'The Real Housewives fo new Jersey' Recap: Heard it Through the Grapevine
'The Real Housewives fo new Jersey' Recap: Heard it Through the Grapevine
Teresa has been re-building bridges here and there with her family and gal pals, and Juicy Joe has been taking scandalous phone calls. But Caroline is "done and done" with Teresa, and will stand up for cousin Kathy in the face of a mean-spirited toast. And this is all happening in Napa. So that's where we are.

After many glasses of wine, Joe Gorga proposes that "we all" get in the hot tub and the pool. What a great idea for people who have been drinking! But New Jersey people love their hot tubs, so in they all go. Tensions are high, Caroline is asking when the night will end. Kathy prepares to get into the hot tub and mentions getting left out of the toast.

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Teresa claims the snub was unintentional. Can't everyone just be happy for Teresa that she and her brother are finally working things out? Can't they just focus on her and the things that matter to her at the moment, all the time? In the hot tub they reflect on how it's "just like old times" but Kathy knows better. Everyone is extremely cautious, and leaves Teresa and Kathy to work it out in the hot tub, as Greg watches dubiously from a lounge chair.

Kathy and Teresa are talking and Kathy mentions that Teresa has left Caroline on the outs and what she wrote hurt her, in the cookbook presumably. Everyone else is still sitting outside and asks, "do they not realize they're talking loud?" Caroline holds her hand up in a wine-drunk brick wall.

This conversation should not be happening. Not here, not ever. But it is, and everyone in the outdoor lounge area is able to listen and analyze the conversation. Teresa claims that "every time I speak [Caroline] looks down, which causes Caroline to sit up. Teresa goes to get a new robe, and Caroline tells Kathy she didn't have to do that "for" her.

Jacqueline wants nothing to do with any of it. Carolien speculates on which face Teresa will have on when she comes back out. Teresa comes out and sits, ready to face these people she doesn't care about anymore. Caroline tells Teresa "I can't even look at you," and we're off.

Caroline's position seems to be that Teresa needs to be more genuine and tell the truth, and Teresa's position just seems to be a defensive one. Caroline will not hear Teresa tell her she loves her. She is ready to throw Teresa out with the garbage. And those InTouch magazines.

From the table with the cigars, the men agree that "those magazines is bullshit." Juicy says the only magazine they deal with is InTouch, and the rest are bullshit. But InTouch said Teresa is having a baby boy, and that is also bullshit. Joe claims he can't help it if his wife sells more magazines than any other star out there. Then it comes out that Jacqueline was offered $50,000 to write a story about Teresa and she wouldn't do it.

Caroline and Teresa continue to argue, Caroline ropes a blanket-covered Jacqueline into it, and Jacqueline pretends to be asleep. Then Caroline makes a move to turn Teresa's family against her again.

They call each other a disgrace, and Teresa tries to rope Kathy back in. Caroline tells Kathy not to respond, then admits that she doesn't want to be involved at all. Oops, Kathy thought.

Back at the cigar table, Chris confronts Joe about talking sh*t. Juicy doesn't take ownership for what he said, but does kiss Chris on the cheek. Then they all start kissing and making up. At the cigar table, that is.

Teresa and Caroline agree to keep things the way they are, not talking, and tell each other they suck. But the voices keep raising. Teresa tries to eject, Caroline notes that she's running away, and draws her back in. Juicy, shirtless, yells at Caroline, and Albert is quietly ready to put a hit on him.

Then everyone started fighting with everyone. I have no other way to describe it. Lauren stepped to Teresa because no one else was defending Caroline.  I think Caroline's doing fine on her own though. Teresa offers to swear on her kids that she is telling the truth, then she pops Kathy's chin up a little fast. Yikes! In my favorite moment of the episode, Richie looks up from the table in the back and goes, "f**k!"

"Don't put your hands on me," Kathy says. It was messed up. Richie focuses on his wine. Are we going to get back to that shady phone call?

I'm tired of this conversation. Why isn't anyone diffusing!? Finally, Juicy Joe pulls a hysterical Teresa out of the conversation, and tells her they're leaving the next morning. She squeals about missing her girls and how she "can't wait to get the f*** out of here."

But then Teresa comes back out, crying, and tells Caroline she "never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, wrote one bad thing about you in a magazine EVER!" Then Caroline tells Teresa it's over, and Teresa says Caroline can go eff herself.

Caroline tells Kathy that "you hang around garbage you start to stink, and I'm starting to stink," because she doesn't want to have Teresa in her life anymore. Then Caroline poisons Teresa's family's minds against her, to use her phrasing.

In the Giudice room, Teresa and Joe enjoy saying negative things about Caroline. Joe Gorga invites Melissa to bed, which was a wise choice. They go to back Teresa and Joe up, offering to leave with them. Everyone is exhausted. Albert is asleep in his chair. The sun needs to set on this anger.

Kathy goes in and tries to resolve things, which was un-wise. The Gorgas and Giudices are leaving immediately, and Kathy is getting brushed off in the middle of the storm.

Caroline walks off and weeps privately. It took a lot out of her to argue so hard with a crazy person.

(images courtesy of Bravo)