Oh my gosh, you guys. The moment is finally here. It's the Ellen episode of Last Comic Standing, and they've been promoting this episode for what feels like 5 months.
When we last left our comics, they were recuperating from their first challenge -- sketch comedy. Only eight comedians are left: Rod Man, Rocky LaPorte, Karlous Miller, Lachlan Patterson, Nikki Carr, DC Benny, Monroe Martin, and Joe Machi. The finalists will be mentored by Wanda Sykes this episode, and judged by Ellen --as well as Ellen's audience. And you know the audience over at The Ellen DeGeneres Show is just vicious.
The second challenge will be called "Who's Ready For The Big Time?" and JB Smoove breaks the news that the comedians will be working with Ellen. "For those of you who don't know, a pre-interview is a process you have to go through with one of the producers of the show," Wanda explains. "They love stories."
"Remember, it's daytime. So stay away from toilet jokes... let's stay away from all things... bodily fluids," Wanda explains. It's like she's talking to a group of kindergarten kids. Karlous tries really hard to persuade Wanda that Ellen would appreciate a gift while on set, but Wanda thinks he's thinking 90 steps ahead.
Lachlan is up first, and he seems a bit nervous. He talks on a landline phone, and mentions to the producer that he wants to make a joke about animal poo. Obviously he wasn't listening when Wanda told him about appropriate jokes. Monroe is all smiles during his pre-interview, saying that he moved around so much that he was the only kid who went to school with luggage. DC Benny mentions in his interview that he loves to play characters, and then experiments with a few. They're not very good.
The very sweet Nikki Carr is next, and starts out by asking the representative from the show how they're doing. Wanda pushes her to actually express her jokes over the phone, which Nikki has some trouble understanding. Karlous takes a casual approach, mentioning how he hates flip flops. And then asks the Ellen executive for a job. Rocky LaPorte talks about his failure with flirting, and Rod Man complains about the "leave a penny, take a penny" jar. He managed to get one of the first legitimate laughs out of Wanda, who is sitting right next to him.
Joe Machi is beaming during his interview, and discusses his inventions. Like a swiss army shirt. Which is just a regular shirt, with a corkscrew attached. Joe mentions that his awkward energy is based on the fact that he's tired, and Wanda advises him to take a nap.
Three contestants will make it onto Ellen, but JB refuses to tell the comics who'll be moving forward. Instead, he decides to taunt them, by maniacally laughing next to a decorative show curtain.
The Winners Are Announced
JB decides to surprise the contestants by knocking on their hotel doors and pretending to be the housekeeper. He walks in on Karlous wearing a ridiculous hat, and Nikki is still in her pajamas. Eventually, the contestants get dressed and gather downstairs as JB announces who'll be meeting up with Ellen.
First comic invited is Monroe Martin, who celebrates with high fives. He'll (supposedly) be debuting a dance while on the show. Second up is Rod Man, and third is Nikki. I'm kind of bummed that we won't find out what Karlous would have given as a gift. Probably the aforementioned hat.
Monroe looks dashing in a blue suit, even though he complains that he's uncomfortable in the limo based on his "Mrs. Butterworth" body. Wanda meets up with the three, and explains that Ellen will be working the information from the pre-interview into the show, so the comedians need to truly pay attention.
Cut to Ellen: Everyone's dancing! JB sashays on stage, and the audience seems somewhat into it. As a sidenote, I truly feel bad for Ellen. She danced once, and now everyone expects it on a daily basis. While JB is busting a move, the contestants try hard not to freak out backstage. After Ellen interviews all three comics, the audience will decide on the winner.
The Judgment of Ellen
First up is Monroe Martin, who dances as promised. "I'm excited, I get to see all these faces right here! I know they don't know who I am," he says after Ellen asks how he's feeling about his first interview. Monroe mentions his foster care upbringing, and recycles a few jokes from the past. Monroe said that his comic hero later became a garbageman in his neighborhood, and he's happy that he already surpassed his career.
Nikki Carr is up next, and her happiness is showing. "Look at me!" she says, right after she sits down. She's obviously a massive Ellen fan, and is adorable. She mentions how she'll never have another job but stand up, and notes that she's been doing stand up for 17 years. She has four grand-kids (even though she seriously doesn't look older than 35). "I ignore my grandchildren in public, until someone notices I'm being called Grandma," she says.
Rod Man is last, and tries so, so hard to dance. It looks more like odd arm swinging. But since this isn't So You Think You Can Dance, it's the comedy that matters most here. "My wife loves your show," Rod Man says. "She's been bothering me for years, trying to get tickets from you, like I know you personally. I don't know you at all." His wife even sent a video of the two of them on a boat in Long Beach, in hopes of tickets. Rod Man hopes the video has since been destroyed. He ends his segment by talking about the creepy children's toy called Baby Alive.
Now it's up to the audience. Who will they choose?
Who'll Get Immunity?
Before JB announces the winner, they make sure that Rod Man's terrible boat video is shown to the public. Readers, if you've ever applied to a reality show through video submission, be very afraid. Your embarrassing moments are somewhere in a vault, and ready to emerge the second you make a name for yourself. And speaking of Rod Man? He won the challenge. He has immunity in the next vote!
The Elimination Vote
With that being said, the show jumps immediately into the elimination vote. This one will be especially hard, considering that only three of the comedians were truly profiled during this episode. The person with the most votes will have to perform tonight, in front of the panel of judges.
DC Benny wants to vote for Monroe, solely because he complained too much about his tight jeans. Lachlan tries to make a dramatic entry into the voting booth. Monroe decides to vote by picking a name out of a hat. We're getting absolutely no reveals right now about who'll be on the chopping block.
Rod Man votes for Lachlan, solely since Lachlan voted for him last week. Nikki thinks she's funnier than Rocky LaPorte. Joe Machi and Monroe also vote for Lachlan. Lachlan votes against Karlous, which makes Karlous crack up. "That's hilarious! You know you're not funnier than me, get out of here!" he claims. Karlous votes against Rocky, while the remaining two also choose Lachlan. Lachlan confidently chooses DC to compete against in the head to head.
The Final Showdown
Keenen Ivory Wayans gives a pep talk to the two, and says that they should just be natural and not focus on the actual competition. DC appreciates the advice, and the two are both excited to be talking to Keenen despite the fact that he's been present since day one.
We see Keenen next when he's being introduced with his fellow judges, Roseanne and Russell Peters. This showdown is on, you guys.
DC is up first. He talks about his sex life with his wife, claiming that he used a National Geographic for reference. He went to a sushi corner and asked for unagi, which is supposed to -- ahem -- improve things for men. In short, he'll never eat sushi ever again. After his wife breaks her neck, the two go back into the sushi place, and of course, the employee there thinks it was based on a sex accident.
Keenen thinks the set was a bit rushed, but he did a good job overall. Russell thinks his impressions were solid, and appreciated the jokes about male genitalia. Roseanne, however, wasn't too impressed with his material.
Let's see what Lachlan has to offer. Personally, I'm hoping he wins tonight -- and not just because I know I'd have a crush on him if I were watching this as a teenager. "Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I don't trust the Internet, man. It's too big. Even if you make a spelling mistake, you'll be lead to another website, bro." He jokes that just the other day, he was trying to visit Wikipedia but ended up on UltimateBreastBonanza after a finger slip. "I was up for several hours trying to find Wikipedia with my pants off," he said. Back in the day, passwords were easy to remember, but now the Internet calls you out on being weak if it doesn't include random numbers you'll forget about the next morning.
"You can buy a live animal online now, that's how big the Internet is" he says, talking about pet adoption sites. "My name's Mr. Bubbles. I'm a fourteen year old tabby, and I don't like kids. Kids make me skittish," he says.
Roseanne thinks he has a lot of confidence, but wants Lachlan's perspective on it. Lachlan said it was important for him to leave on a big laugh, which gains Roseanne's approval. Russell also thought he had a great set, and Keenen loved his take on mundane things.
The judges have made their decision. Roseanne mentions that it was a tough decision tonight, and that they had to go line by line to make their choice. The winner tonight? Lachlan Patterson! Despite his win, he recognizes the fact that he still has a lot of work to do. DC admits that he went farther than he thought he'd go, but it was a great experience. He still has a chance to come back for the finale, based on online fan votes. If you love DC, consider checking the Last Comic Standing website
Next Week: Seven finalists focus on improvising, with the super funny Howie Mandel. And supposedly the most epic showdown ever will happen.