Ready for round three of invitationals? I sure am. Friends, we know how it goes -- the winner of L
will win $250,000, a sweet NBC development deal, and the amazing chance to say that they won season 9 of
. I'm sure it's an amazing way to pick up someone at a bar. "You might remember me from the television..."
"Being from Jamaica, there's a lot of pressure from your parents to
get married," Drew says. (Thus, yes -- it's part of his act.) He
doesn't like the dating scene, based on the people he might meet there.
"I don't know if you make enough money for me, Mr. Comedian" he laments.
But meanwhile, the woman typically isn't a prize either. "You only came
to this bar since it's on a hill, so you can roll start your car."
Nightclubs produce liars, and you can tell the women who are lying about
their age based on vaccine marks. "When women talk about marriage, it's
a happy occasion... But it's not the same for men. When men talk about
marriage with their friends, it sounds like something they got diagnosed
Last Comic Standing Recap: The Girl Who Irritated Roseanne >>>
Calling Out The Ungrateful Bastards
Our next comic is Mike Siegel, from Chicago. "I got friends who are broke snobs, you know those people? They have no money but they turn their nose up at free stuff all the time?" When friends get free tickets, they have the gall to ask where the seats are. "Apparently they're in the ungrateful bastard section," Mike jokes. Mike laughs about being his own employer, and firing himself and stealing things from his own office.
He then talks about a date where he had to wait for her to get ready, and ended up watching TV with her elderly parents "like on prom night." After seeing two men kissing on screen, Mike mentions how he felt the tension in the room and felt the need to joke. "That takes me back," he states, getting a good amount of laughs.
Roseanne, Norm, and Keenen seem to like him -- Keenen even refers to him as a seasoned comic, which is quite the compliment.
Mom's Least Favorite Comedian
Our next comic on deck is Andi Smith, whose been doing comedy for fifteen years. She used to be cool until she had her daughter. Now she's rocking the mom-hair and goes to bed at like, 8:30 pm. Also, she lives with her parents again, which she says is "a bit of a challenge." Her Mom doesn't find her humorous, even though she still supports her by offering her liverwurst sandwiches at impromptu times.
"I saw a story the other day about a lady who was keeping kids in cages. Before I had a child, I would have reacted completely differently to the story. It's like a Pack and Play with a lid on it, it's genius!"
Andi has a friend who is a "hippie lady," who was pregnant around the same time as she was. The hippie asked Andi what her birth plan was and Andi's response was "I don't know -- out?" Her friend was going to have a water birth, which Andi found to be gross. "Don't you want the first time your child meets you to be free of drugs and chemicals?" her friend asks. "No! No. The first time you meet your Mother, do you want her to be sweaty and crying in an inflatable pool -- or heavily medicated and in a good mood?" (I like this girl. I don't know what her Mom is talking about.)
Norm thinks she has a lot of strengths, and Keenen liked her sense of style. "The anti-Mom was very funny," he comments. Roseanne liked that she was so audacious, and mentioned how great her writing was. "You could win," Roseanne comments. Yeah, I have a feeling that Andi's going to make it to the next round.
Throwing Some Yellow
Anthony introduces Joe List next, and his first joke regards a conversation he had with a friend. "I'm really self conscious about my teeth," he states. His friend responded with "Dude, all you need is Crest Whitening Strips." "I'm self conscious that they're crooked, but what the hell, let's throw yellow in there too!" Joe remarks.
Next, he discusses his panic disorder. "A panic attack is fight or flight phenomenon... The thing is, I get panic attacks when I'm talking to girls, so that's a weird situation."
Roseanne liked both his writing and his delivery. "Thank you, this is me! I'm terrified," Joe responds. Norm agrees that his writing packed a lot of jokes, and Keenen mentioned that his imagery was on point. Joe ends by plugging his album, which is a little awkward. At least Joe admits that he made a misstep there.
Meeting "Jerry" Wang
Sheng Wang is next, and you might remember him from last year. He parties by eating carrots and he used to hate his name back in school, where he preferred the name "Jerry" -- until he met a legit "Jerry Wang" and realized that his reign was over.
"Once I was walking home, and I heard somebody yell Ching Chong. And I saw him. It was a grown man, he yelled out loud, 'Ching... Chong...' I took it well, because my name is Sheng Wang. Think you're going to have to hit me a little harder. I regret to inform you, but your hate is weak. I'm sorry my Momma beat you to the punch."
Sheng used to live in California and have a marijuana prescription, and mentioned how nice it was to pay for pot with a credit card, especially since he got credit card points.
He made a credit card contribution to the Red Cross, and his card was declined for suspicious activity, which made him think that his company thought he was hacked by a philanthropist based on prior purchases.
"That was great material," Roseanne claims, liking the philanthropist line the most. "I think you're going to be around till the end for sure," Norm notes. Keenen says how he was a fan of Sheng last year, but he truly brought his A-game tonight.
The Comedy Montage
Kevin Lee starts juggling knives, stating he's a skilled professional. "Juggling and looking away!" he claims. Shelagh Ratner mentions being weighed at LAX. "They put you in a room with Triscuits and grapes, until you get into fighting shape, it is intense!" Brad Loekl mentions his Mom's reaction to him being gay and wondering why he was suddenly the expert on figuring out if the neighborhood dogs were gay, and Amir Gollan jokes about how he was an extra in his home movies. Martin Morrow thinks that R&B has developed oddly, and offers a song as an example. To Martin, 90's R&B was pretty much "Baby, I wanna put a baby inside of you!"
Next up we have Priya Prasad, who is from Washington. She grew up in a traditional Indian household, and she even plays a citar. "I consider my parents to be traditional, but with a non-traditional heart," she claims. Insert a video clip of her and her parents awkwardly playing Rock Band here. (Eh, her parents are proud of her. I can't snark on that.)
Priya introduces herself as "The Shaquille O'Neil of Indian women" and starts out with a bad date story. "I don't know if my standards are really high or what... everything was going great, until I asked him what he did for a living. And that's when he said 'I'm an Amb-a-lamps driver'. And I said to him, irregardless, I'm going to go over here and have some shrimp cocktail."
Keenen notes that she's only done stand up for five years, and thinks she has five years ahead of her to improve. "It's time to be bold," he claims. "Those jokes will come." Norm thinks she's funny, but thinks she's better suited as a comic actress.
Wild 'N' Out personality Shakir Standley is up next, and his men friends call him "Shak". (By the way, I only know it's "Shak" for Shakir, based on his twitter handle of "@ShakNotShaq" -- smart move, Mr. Standley.)
Nick Cannon himself vouches for Shakir, saying he's just a funny guy. "I want stand up to be the only thing I do for a living," he says.
"A lot of comedians have told you a lot of soft-ass jokes. Not this guy," he says. "I LIKE SOUP!" he yells. "Letil! Black bean! Clam chowder!" He compares someone in the audience to clam chowder, since she looks both rich and creamy. Then, he talks about how he's done comedy on a train before, based on a friend's recommendation. After someone claimed "No!" and got angry, claiming "Fudge you!" a middle aged black woman stuck up for him, telling him there were children on the train. "That woman is now my manager," Shak says.
Keenen said that Shakir made him laugh from the moment he came on stage, and Norm says he likes his innocence but claimed he "didn't know what he was talking about most of the time." Roseanne also agrees that he might have been "too hip for the room," but admits he did a great job.
Who'll Make It To The Semi Finals?
Guys, we're only moments away from learning who'll make it to the semi-finals. Sheng Wang is the first to move on, followed by Joe List, Mike Siegel, Drew Thomas, Andi Smith (woo!), Amir Gollan, Brad Loekl, and Shakir Standley. Good choices. It'll be a pretty funny season.
The next installment is the fourth and final Invitationals round. It's the last chance to qualify, thus things are bound to get real.