Grab someone who cares about football because this week is NFL week on The Biggest Loser! Alison meets the contestants on a football field, where they see lifesize cardboard cutouts of themselves with holes cut in the center of their stomachs. It's a little morbid, actually. I was disappointed to hear that they'd be throwing footballs, not pies, into the center of the targets to take each other out of the competition. But wait, there's more!
Clay Mathews comes out of the Biggest Loser breakaway banner, followed
by Tony Gonzalez, and Drew Brees. The contestants will be playing
against these pros, who will be shooting from the 5, 10, and 15 yard
lines respectively. The player with the highest percentage of weight
loss this week is going to the Superbowl! Antone is glad he'll at least
have one opportunity to go, which reminds me that former professional football player Antone could probably
win this football thing.
For whatever reason, Drew Brees takes Johnny out, and Mike, who is a football coach, takes Drew out. Good job, Mike! Jessica takes Tony Gonzalez out, and Clay Matthews takes Becky out because she happened to be wearing a Bears jersey. Then Clay goes after Jessica, who takes him out. Well, it was fun, pros!
So Antone is not doing well at this football challenge at all, but Mike (the coach) is totally killing it. Then it's just down to the red team, the young people. The youngsters are forced to turn against each other on the 3 yard line. Jessica and Ramon are out, then Courtney takes Patrick out, leaving just Vinny. Vinny doesn't really seem like he's trying that hard, and Courtney wins the whole thing. $5,000!
The professional football players leave the stadium, and pick up their huge checks on the way out.
Bob checks in on Antone, back at the ranch, to make sure he doesn't feel like a loser in front of the modern NFL players. It's been a real emotional rollercoaster for Antone, and it doesn't show any sign of letting up this week.
"What happened?" Bob asks Antone, followed by, "what made you feel like you had to eat double what everyone else was eating?" Apparently it was fighting for food when he was younger, and that primitive instinct stayed with him long after he made enough money to buy five pizzas for every meal. It's a good thing my dog doesn't make money or drive, because he'd have the same problem. Bob has chosen Antone as his "pet project" this season, probably because the ex-football players usually do really well in the finale.
Jennifer's knee is all busted up, and she's getting ready to see Dr. Huizenga, who will undoubtedly ruin her life. He tells her she can put her full weight on it and walk again, which isn't a total Huizenga.
Team locker rooms in the gym! It's time for another challenge. It's football-related again, and it will be split up into four quarters. The team has to burn as many calories as possible, just like real football players! They're playing for a spa day, which might get the women more interested in this whole football theme. (Hey, that's a stereotype! Women can like football and men can like the spa. For the record.)
Dolvett places everyone in his team on their best machines, and I sort of forgot Anna was here? Bob focused on Jennifer, to prove everyone wrong. There are no time-outs in this quarter, and at the end of the first, the black and red teams are neck and neck as usual. The teams dig deeper and push harder for the second quarter. Anna says the contestants need to push through the pain and realize what they're capable of, which might mean she's fed up with losing everything all the time.
For half-time in the locker rooms, the teams sit down and learn their calorie burn. It's clearly still a contest between the black team and the red team. The black team has the lead, so it's time for Bob to give them a pep talk in the locker room. Get out there and burn those calories! Break!
"Just go out there and ... ah, who cares," Anna keeps herself from saying to the blue team. It's okay, there's usually only two teams in real football, too. The black team keeps their lead after the third quarter. Mean Dolvett could rip the red team's heads off one by one if he wanted to, so maybe that's motivation to keep it going in the fourth quarter. How are they calculating the calories burned? Ah well, we can worry about that never.
After the final quarter, the black team still beat the red team, so they're going to the spa and Joe gets to feel even better about himself. Oh, scratch that, they are NOT going to the spa! Bob "respectfully declines" the prize on their behalf. This is football week, not mud wrap week!
The red team gets along really well at this point. They are laughing it up and talking about how they don't want to vote anyone off, which means they might lose this week. That's just how cruel and unrelenting NFL Week is.
For the Last Chance Workout, Bob takes the black team to meet Shawne Merriman, who was just poundin' the ol' tire with a hammer for fun when they met up with him. Shawne has Antone push the sled, which is that thing you see football guys run into when they're training in movies and stuff. Antone is having a really important week. As a thank you, Shawne did the "lights out" dance for two seconds.
Anna brought in Eric Dickerson, who is an older football player (50). Anna says she has added new circuit exercises designed to shock their bodies. I don't know what any of that means, but it sounds dangerous. Eric and Anna challenge the blue team to "get pissed off," which they should be. Becky explains the whole circuit thing, and it seems like the red team might be in trouble this week.
But the red team gets young and vibrant Tim Tebow. I hope he knows how to work them out for weight loss, otherwise their loss is on his shoulders. Entirely. Patrick sounds optimistic, and Vinny wants to drop below the 400 pound mark and win the Superbowl tickets. Hopefully Tim Tebow was inspiring enough!
This is a big week for Vinny, too, because he's opening up to Dolvett about getting whipped with an extension cord when he was younger. Vinny! I hope the red team wins this weigh-in and Vinny gets those Superbowl tickets. Dolvett does, too.
Everyone is going into the NFL Week weigh-in feeling very confident. Will the Superbowl tickets go to Antone, Mike, or Vinny? It seems like they're the main contenders.
The red team is up first, and Courtney lost 7 pounds. Vinny is up next, and he dropped below 400 pounds, losing 10. Courtney's weight loss percentage is higher, though, so I don't think he's getting those tickets. Ramon lost 7, Patrick lost 11. Finally, Jessica lost 11 pounds, besting Patrick for the Superbowl tickets.
The black team weighs in next, starting with Antone. He lost 16 pounds, getting the black team off to a great start. Sunny lost 10 pounds, Joe lost 17, putting him ahead of Jessica for the tickets. Aw man, I don't like Joe! I want Mike to win the tickets. Jennifer lost 16 pounds, and the black team is just crushing it this week. Joe and Jennifer tied for the highest percentage of weight loss, but Joe beat her out by a one-thousandth of a percent. Rrrrrgh. John lost 18, so they're safe again.
The blue team weighs in last, starting with Bonnie, who can barely go up the stairs. She lost 7 pounds, though, reinforcing my worry for the red team.
"Get off the couch and start doing something, no matter how old you are!" Bonnie tells us. Oh man, I feel convicted. Maybe I can make myself feel better by making fun of Anna's blue eyeshadow? No, it just doesn't feel the same.
Becky lost 9 pounds, and the last person to weigh in is Mike. Come on, Mike, beat Joe out for those tickets! He needs to have lost more than 6 pounds to save what's left of the blue team. Of course, Mike crushes it, losing 17 pounds. Anna bursts into tears and Eric Dickerson earned his wings. The red team is in trouble, and Mike's going to the Superbowl.
The only person safe on the red team is Jessica. So it will probably be Courtney, winner of the $5,000 this week? They all sit in the deliberation room and cry. I like it when everyone gets along, and I hate when nice people get voted out. It will be between Patrick and Courtney. Patrick should stay because he's going to be really good looking later on in the game!
"Put my name down tonight," Patrick tells his team.
"No! NO!" Ramon cries, burying his face in his hands. Why couldn't it be the black team? Ramon and Vinny don't want to write anyone's name down, so are they just going to rebel and put Ali in a fat suit and ship her away? What's going to happen?!
Courtney votes for Patrick, Patrick votes for Courtney, Jessica voted for Patrick. Going against Patrick's pleas, Vinny voted for Courtney, who looked completely betrayed. Ramon has the final vote, and he voted for Patrick out of respect. NOOOOOOO!! I hope Patrick comes back to win that marathon.
So far, Patrick has lost 91 pounds and has grown closer to his wife. He's taking the agility test to become a police officer again and ... he did it! I hope he's training for the marathon, too.
(images courtesy of NBC)