The 5 Funniest 'Jersey Shore' Stories of the Week: Season 5 Sneak Peek and Snooki in a Swimsuit
The 5 Funniest 'Jersey Shore' Stories of the Week: Season 5 Sneak Peek and Snooki in a Swimsuit
We are inching closer to the greatness that is known as the Jersey Shore. Our favorite juiced-up, over-tanned, pickled-livered group is gearing up for another season of hijinks, but that doesn't mean that they haven't been in the news lately.

Check out the trailer for Jersey Shore season 5, and then let's see what the gang has been up to.

Burned-off faces, hooker dresses and a blender full of Ron-Ron juice, a.k.a. the usual. Now, to the news:

5. G(uido)-Unit
In a last chance bid to make himself relevant again, rapper 50 Cent has signed Pauly D to a record deal. I thought that Pauly was only a DJ, but soon he'll be spitting raps about his favorite hair gel. The most amazing part of this story was this little tidbit: "The 31- year-old deejay, who found fame from the hit MTV reality show, has managed to parlay his TV success into a promising music career." Did you know Pauly D is old enough to be a grandfather on 16 and Pregnant? Talk about holding on to youth with a clenched fist.

4. Maxim-um Exposure

I remember when Maxim magazine first came out. I was 15 years old, and to me, Maxim was the greatest thing ever. Nearly-nude photography mixed with horribly written articles that were no longer than 500 words was exactly what I needed back then. Part of the appeal was seeing movie and music stars in a way that you couldn't do so in everyday life. Well, Maxim has decided to put J-Woww on the cover. And since I'm sure that these pictures are far more conservative than what she normally wears out to the club, it probably defeats the purpose of a Maxim pictorial.

3. Going Green

They say that imitation is the greatest form of flattery, so Jersey Shore should feel pretty good about itself. Our friends in Ireland have made their own version of the show called Tallafornia. It has already been called a Jersey Shore rip-off, but this version may actually be better than the original. Think about it. Normal Irish folks already drink more than the cast of Jersey Shore as it is, so their Shore kids must be swimming in booze. Still, I think the producers of Tallafornia would have been better off simply following Colin Ferrell around for a few weeks instead.

2. Fat-Free Meatball
Last year in Italy, Snooki talked about how she had become addicted to exercising. Well it looks like all those leg lifts have paid off. Snooki recently released a photo of her at her "goal weight," and she is turning into a Mini-Me version of J-Woww. I wonder if this means that her self-applied moniker of "Meatball" is over with. I hope she keeps the nickname, but replaces herself with ground turkey meat, which is a lot healthier.

1. Hit Me Pauly One More Time
Pauly D has been doing more than rubbing elbows with his new BFF and boss, 50 Cent. He has also been rubbing more than elbows with former pop sensation and current trainwreck Britney Spears. Mr. D has been touring as an opening act, and lap-dance recipient, on Britney's Femme Fatale Tour. I wonder if he did in fact "hold it against her." And if so, did it make him say "oops, I did it again"? I apologize for those terrible Britney puns.

We are getting closer to the beginning of season 5, and it couldn't come soon enough. With the weather getting cold, snow starting to fall, and the smell of hot chocolate in the air, the one thing that will top off the season is group of semi-literate, beach-bound alcoholics who are solely responsible for keeping the Ed Hardy brand alive. 'Tis the Season!

Chase Gamradt
Contributing Writer

(Image courtesy of MTV)