Once thought the only haven from the ravages of
Jersey Shore, America's bookshelves are no longer safe: Snooki will drop her new book,
A Shore Thing, this week. (Just in time for
Jersey Shore season 3 to premiere this Thursday. WHAT A COINCIDENCE!)
Today, as a warning, New York Post published a few choice excerpts from Snooki's foray into the world of guido-fic. Read 'em and weep (for humanity) below.
For those still somehow skeptical when Snooki said the only books she'd ever read were Twilight and Dear John, these words ought to serve as proof that she was, indeed, lying: It is now clear she has never read a book. Or a cereal box.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go hug my knees, rock back and forth and weep in my special self-pitying-writer-shower.
"He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face."
"Yum. Johnny Hulk tasted like fresh gorilla."
"Any juicehead will get some nut shrinkage. And bacne. They fly into a 'roid rage, it is a 'road' 'roid rage."
"Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky."
"Gia had never before been in jail. It wasn't nearly as gritty and disgusting as she'd seen on TV prison shows. The Seaside Heights drunk tank -- on a weekday afternoon -- was as clean and quiet as a church."
"I love food. I love drinking, boys, dancing until my feet swell. I love my family, my friends, my job, my boss. And I love my body, especially the badonk."
(Image courtesy of WENN)