Gordon Ramsay is such a master chef that he doesn't eat regular old food for his meals anymore. He eats airtime.
Now, the (screaming, red) face of Hell's Kitchen
, Kitchen Nightmares
has added a new show to his expanding menu of scary-named programming: Hotel Hell
(coming to FOX at some point!) in which he will fix struggling hotels, motels and bed & breakfasts
. Not just their menus, either. Every aspect of these failing hotels will be subject to Chef Ramsay's expletive-soaked expertise, which spans all areas of all subject matters and has been scientifically proven to solve all problems. He's like King Midas: Everything his scream touches turns to gold
Why stop at four shows, Gordon? You need more. You can
But Gordon is probably too busy berating America's worst hoteliers right now to come up with more ideas for more TV shows to add to his yelling/food-based empire, so we've taken the liberty to come up with a few ideas for his next projects. God willing, he'll have his own niche TV network (name idea: BOO!) within the year.
Hell or High Water:
Gordon Ramsay goes on cruise ships and improves their buffets. In his spare time he also screams at the older couples on the ship about bringing the romance back into their marriages.Hamburger HELLper:
Gordon Ramsay goes into women's homes and critiques the meals they've prepared for their families after a long day at the office.Hell Boy:
A sitcom in which Gordon Ramsay tries to raise a demonic baby with no sense of taste ... but a real taste for BLOOD! Hell-arity ensues.DONKEY!!!:
Gordon Ramsay goes to farms; yells at donkeys for looking dumb and eating all that gross hay.Hell-o Dolly:
Gordon Ramsay teams up with Hoarders
specialists to yell hoarders into recovery. Specifically doll hoarders.Hell Freezes Over:
A two-hour reality-quiz show in which Gordon Ramsay looks inside one person's freezer and painstakingly picks it apart, then uses the items he finds (year-old fish sticks; Hot Pockets; vodka) to guess what that person's worst flaws are.Hell on Earth:
Gordon Ramsay goes around the world doing "man on the street" style interviews. (Gordon Ramsay yells at random people on the street.)Hell on Wheels:
Gordon Ramsay must run a successful traveling food truck business for six months, helped by a team of 6-year-olds, only some of whom are potty trained. Cook Your Ass Off:
Gordon Ramsay teams up with Jillian Michaels to teach contestants struggling with obesity how to make delicious, healthy food. Contestans who fail to lose weight go head to head in a cook-off and risk getting yelled at by Chef Ramsay.
Special thanks to Carla,
who came up with all of the good ideas on this list. Especially that last one, which sounds so much like an actual show that I heard they've already signed on Subway Jared as host. (Image courtesy of FOX)