Izzie Stevens Must Die
Izzie Stevens Must Die
Yes, yes, yes. I know that ABC and Grey's Anatomy brass have declared unequivocally that they have no intention of killing off Izzie Stevens and that Katherine Heigl will remain firmly affixed in her role, but how I wish that were not so. Seattle Grace Hospital would be so much better off without that self-righteous, judgmental twit who hardly bothers to help her patients, despite that pesky Hippocratic Oath she took. Not that Shonda is going to let Izzie die a horrible and violent death, but one can indulge in a little daydreaming, no?

I would like to propose a bizarro world that exists solely in my head, wherein all my fantasies can come true. Some things that would make the list? Taylor Kitsch moves to Seattle and confesses his undying love for me, I suddenly inherit Rory Gilmore's entire wardrobe, Neil Peart gives me drum lessons, and I never have to read another article about the “Mommy Wars” or the obesity epidemic ever again.

But, at the risk of getting hate mail in my inbox for all of eternity from Izzie fans everywhere, what I would really want in my bizarro universe is for Izzie to die. Die! And just in case Grey's Anatomy writers need some ideas, I've come up with a list of five possible ways that this could happen.

Izzie suffers heart failure, one of her interns cuts her LVAD wire

This would be true poetic justice. She violated every code of ethics ever written when she decided to lop off Denny Duquette's (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) LVAD, leading to a chain of events that ended with Denny's death and nearly took the life of Preston Burke (Isaiah Washington) as well.

I can totally see this happening. For reasons known only to God and Shonda Rhimes, Izzie is stricken with a vague but deadly heart condition. She's put on the heart transplant list, but in the meanwhile, the good doctors at Seattle Grace attach her to a LVAD to keep her alive until she gets a new ticker. One of her interns, who had heard tell of the Izzie and Denny story, tries to pull the same stunt and cuts the wire. Only this time, Cristina (Sandra Oh) isn't there to keep her alive, and Izzie dies.

Izzie falls down an elevator shaft

This scenario would be an homage to Friends. In the sitcom, Joey's (Matt LeBlanc) character on Days of our Lives, the famous neurosurgeon Dr. Drake Ramore, was killed off after Joey inadvertently insulted the Days of our Lives writers in an interview with Soap Opera Digest.

Katherine Heigl certainly has not been discreet about her opinions in the press lately. It seems like every week, she has something or other to tell reporters about the various roles she plays. So what better way to kill her off than to have her Drake Ramore'd? Besides, it seems like all the really important, juicy stuff on Grey's Anatomy happens in the elevator, so having her die there would be a perfect way to say good-bye to her character.

Izzie suffers head trauma, has to have her head drilled open

My favorite medical condition is the subdural hematoma, which Wikipedia helpfully defines for me as “a form of traumatic brain injury in which blood gathers between the dura (the outer protective covering of the brain) and the arachnoid (the middle layer of the meninges).”

If you pay close attention, you'll notice that subdural hematomas are ubiquitous on Grey's Anatomy. There was that time when Alex (Justin Chambers) grabbed the largest-gauge syringe he could find and stuck it through a young patient's dilated pupil to draw out fluid that had accumulated in dangerous volumes under the boy's dura.

Then there was that time when Izzie herself had to drill through someone's head in the big Ferry Boat Accident of ‘Aught-Seven, with a power drill. My powers of suspension of disbelief were stretched paper thin in that episode, but it does give me an idea.

What if Izzie gets severely depressed because she and her soulmate George can't be together. She decides to mimic Meredith's (Ellen Pompeo) coping methods, indulging in too much tequila and sleeping with random guys from the bar. But this Very Special Episode happens to be penned by guest writer Brenda Hampton (the creator of 7th Heaven and The Secret Life of the American Teenager) so of course she must be punished severely for her misdeeds. One night, after much inappropriate sex, Izzie drunkenly gets up for more alcohol, then falls down the stairs, suffering severe head trauma that causes a subdural hematoma. It's so severe that there's no time to take her to the hospital. The rest of the inhabitants of the house must act quickly to save her life. Fortunately, Meredith, in a fit of inexplicable domesticity, happens to be using a hammer and nail to hang photos of herself and McDreamy (Patrick Dempsey) up in the living room. She uses them to poke a hole in Izzie's head to relieve the pressure caused by the subdural hematoma, but she goes a millimeter too far. Izzie bleeds out and dies at the bottom of the staircase, causing Meredith to have a crisis of confidence in her doctoring skills as well as in her recently reinstated relationship with McDreamy.

Izzie's biological daughter needs a transplant; George screws up the surgery

Remember way back in the first season of Grey's Anatomy when George (T.R. Knight) was “Burke's guy” and flubbed an appendectomy, earning him the nickname of 007, meaning “License to Kill”? And also, remember how Izzie had a baby when she was a teenager whom she gave up for adoption? That storyline didn't really go anywhere, except for that one episode when the daughter came back because she has leukemia and needed a bone marrow transplant from Izzie.

Why not combine these two storylines? Let's say that Izzie's daughter also has kidney failure and needs one of Izzie's kidneys. Izzie is so compassionate that she can't say no, even though it's a big risk to her own life. The Chief (James Pickens Jr.) appoints George to perform the surgery, in order to boost his flagging ego because, in a side story, George's wishy-washiness as a surgeon reminds Richard of himself when he was but a young, impressionable intern. But in the middle of surgery, George loses the little faith he has in himself and screws up. Izzie loses a lot of blood, and her heart stops. George orders a crash cart, charges up the paddles, but alas, it's too late. Izzie flatlines. Time of death, 14:27.

Mount Rainier erupts, Izzie is consumed by molten lava

The city of Seattle is a dangerous, dangerous place to live. There are ferries crashing all the time and woe unto anyone who tries to take the train to Vancouver, BC, for he is likely to be impaled by a pole. We denizens of Seattle also live in constant fear of Mount Rainier's inevitable eruption.

The way I see it, Mount Rainier's eruption symbolizes the way Izzie's life is being turned inside out. Ever since the rough years before college and medical school when she lived with her mother in the trailer park, Izzie has had to develop a tough outer shell, but lately, she feels as if her guarded inner self is being ruthlessly exposed to the outside world, just as liquid hot magma rushes to the surface of the earth. Izzie volunteers to be part of the emergency rescue team to help with triage, but because she identifies with the volcano so much, she doesn't jump out of the way when lava rushes down the mountainside toward her, and she dies a horrifying, but ultimately satisfying, death.

-Debbie Chang, BuddyTV Staff Writer
(Image courtesy of ABC)

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