'Glee' Recap: Secrets Come Out in Movie Week
'Glee' Recap: Secrets Come Out in Movie Week
John Kubicek
John Kubicek
Senior Writer, BuddyTV
Everybody loves the movies. That's Will's flimsy excuse to have the kids perform film songs this week on Glee. Based on their choices, it seems like kids today are obsessed with the '80s. I dare you to find me one current high school student who has actually watched Animal House, Top Gun, Risky Business, Footloose and Say Anything.

While "Girls (and Boys) on Film" reveals several big secrets, nothing really gets resolved or addressed. It's pure filler. We learn nothing more about Rachel's pregnancy, except that Santana knows. And while Jake and Will both learn that their best friends kissed their girls, all of the fallout is saved for next week. In movie terms, this episode lacks a third act.

Will Gets the Girl and Some Bad News

The episode opens with Will's Fred Astaire-inspired dream sequence, because kids today LOVE black-and-white '50s musicals. He's still in the dark about why Emma left so he tells the kids to do songs from the movies as a distraction.

Finn, feeling guilty about kissing Emma, decides to help Will find her. His plan (or rather, Artie's plan, because Finn is too stupid to do even the simplest task on his own) involves the two of them putting on red wigs and pretending to be gingers in order to trick Emma's parents into telling them where she is. Defying logic, reason and everything else, this works.

It also gives us one great moment where Emma's dad points out that kids at McKinley don't seem to think about where they want to go to college until a week before graduating whereas most do it their junior year. This is funny, but I'm getting a little bit annoyed that Glee thinks it can just have a character point out how incredibly stupid a specific plot development or part of the show is, and that somehow makes it OK. Being self-aware of your flaws only helps if you then do something to fix them.

Finn goes to see Will (who is clearly as good at teaching History as he was at teaching Spanish since his idea of a lesson plan is to show the kids Steven Spielberg's Lincoln) and drags him along to confront Emma.

Will pulls a Say Anything by singing "In Your Eyes" outside of Emma's window, accompanied by New Directions. He also holds up a boombox, raising the obvious question, where the hell do you get a boombox these days? Once Emma agrees to talk, Will realizes having a bunch of teenagers around during his big romantic gesture is kind of creepy and tells them to leave.

Emma explains that she felt like she didn't know Will after he came back from Washington, so he suggests having a date to try and get to know each other again. And just like that, everything is resolved and they're back together. Whatever.

Now that Will is happy, it's the perfect time for Finn to come clean about kissing Emma, because he's really bad at timing. Finn profusely apologizes and promises he's not into Emma at all, but Will just gives him a disapproving look and walks away.

Santana vs. The Drug Dealer

First, I feel the need to point out that all of the action in Lima took place one week after the wedding, but since Rachel is pregnant and we saw her calendar, the New York storyline presumably takes place a month or so later. Except Santana begins by saying it's her first real week in New York, so even assuming that she moved to New York and stayed for less than a week before going back for Will's wedding, either she stayed in Lima for another three weeks before heading back or the writers are completely  ignoring this glaring void in the space-time continuum of Glee.

Anyway, Santana is making her presence known by going on several massive, epic tirades about Brody the living mannequin and his plastic body and possible landing strip. She invaded Kurt and Rachel's privacy by looking through all of their things, finding that Brody has a wad of $1,200 and a pager. The only reasonable conclusion is that he's a drug dealer, something Kurt actually agrees with.

That storyline goes nowhere, but Santana does reveal to Rachel that she found the pregnancy test. Rachel just cries on her shoulder. It's nice to see a slightly sympathetic Santana, but I really wish we didn't waste a whole episode setting things up, because obviously next week is the episode where things actually happen.

Santana vs. Kurt's New Romance

Santana doesn't limit her meanness to Brody, she also targets Kurt's new British boyfriend by repeatedly bringing up how cozy Kurt and Blaine were at the wedding. It doesn't help that they're all snowed in and decide to watch Moulin Rouge. Kurt fantasizes about singing "Come What May" with Blaine because singing that song is more intimate than sex.

The Brit realizes he's basically Kurt's rebound, but Kurt denies it and assures him that he desperately wants to get over Blaine. To quote a movie, "Do or do not. There is no try." The Brit (whose name I refuse to write since he's obviously gonna be gone soon enough anyway) thinks this is enough and still wants to date Kurt. Dude, if you knew the first thing about Kurt Hummel, you'd know that he will NEVER get over his first love, Blaine, and you're not even in the game. Cut your losses and go steal some more indie artist's covers of rap songs.

Boys vs. Girls

It's girls vs. guys for Movie Week, but Blaine warms everyone up with "Shout" from Animal House. It's the show's highly-promoted 500th musical number, and it's pretty awesome as Blaine runs around the school collecting the kids of New Directions to dance on the lunch tables. I know there's no realism on this show, but shouldn't they get detention for just running out of a classroom while a teacher is in the middle of a lesson?

The guys go first, and it's a mash-up of "Danger Zone" from Top Gun and "Old Time Rock 'n' Roll" from Risky Business. The two songs don't really go together (other than both starring Tom Cruise), but I support any excuse for Sam, Ryder and Jake to slide around in their tighty whities.

The girls do "Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend" and "Material Girl," because Ryan Murphy really, REALLY loves Moulin Rouge. It's just OK. In the end, everyone is declared a winner (which the kids hate as much as I do), and their prize is that they all get to star in a movie Artie is making for class or something. That plot point came out of nowhere, and I'm 50/50 on whether we'll ever see them actually make this alleged movie.

The episode ends with the kids singing "Footloose" for no particular reason other than to boost iTunes downloads.

Boy vs. Boy

Amid this frivolity, Marley is confused because she loves Jake, but she also enjoyed Ryder's kiss. She confides in Kitty (because Marley is the world's worst judge of character) and then Jake confesses that Ryder planned all the romantic Valentine's Day stuff, but he has something all his own, by which I mean he steals the pottery scene from Ghost. Unfortunately Marley spends the whole time also fantasizing about Ryder so she finally tells Jake the truth. That kind of defeats the possibility of Kitty doing some damage with that info, so that scene makes even less sense now.

Jake is angry and disappointed, I think. He doesn't say anything, because apparently nothing is actually allowed to happen in this episode. People are allowed to find out information, but they must save their reactions for next week.

Next week on Glee: It's time to play the feud! The main event is Will vs. Finn, but the undercard features Sue vs. Blaine, Santana vs. Brody and, apparently, Ryder vs. Unique.

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(Image courtesy of FOX)