Ready to get back to your regularly scheduled Glee programming after the over-the-topness that was the post-Super Bowl episode? Yeah, me too. 

So let's get to Glee-capping!

Not that you don't already do this while watching Glee, but suspend disbelief for a moment if you will: Puck is in love with Lauren Zizes. Even more unbelievable, I'm actually starting to dig her myself -- though, definitely not as much as Puck is. Apparently, it's not a hot gal he needs -- what he needs is a strong woman -- literally -- and Lauren's his girl.


Finn's feeling pretty high on life himself with ladies lining up to be his valentine -- but after their kiss at the end of the post-Super Bowl episode, he only has eyes for Quinn. And he thinks he can pry her away from Sam if he can get her to kiss him again (if that's the case, why didn't the last kiss do it?). 

Elsewhere, we find out that Valentine's Day is Blaine's favorite holiday, as he confides in Kurt that there's a guy he likes and he wants to sing to him on Valentine's Day. Kurt, of course, thinks Blaine is talking about him.


We, the informed viewers who know how this sort of situation always plays out on TV and in movies, know that he's not talking about Kurt. And unfortch, Kurt's delusion is only backed up by the fact that Blaine knows his coffee order (in which case, if this is love, then the gal at my local coffee shop totally loves me -- and the $4.65 I fork over every morning). 

Back at glee club HQ, Mr. Schue doles out this week's assignment: Pick a partner and sing them the world's greatest love song. Also, Finn pops up with his brilliant (to him) idea to get Quinn to kiss him: He's setting up a kissing booth to raise money for the club (but didn't they just get Sue's entire Cheerio budget in the post-Super Bowl episode?).  

Not in a loving mood is Santana, who attacks Lauren for getting with her man (which hasn't actually happened yet). In turn, the entire glee club turns on Santana over their own individual beefs with her, who dissolves into a blubbering mess in the hallway. 

Even a little help from Brittany can't soothe her: "Have you tried rocking back and forth? People do that in movies." 

Puck finally asks Lauren out, but unlike the other gals in school, she's not so easily attained. She needs to be wooed.

Fall into the Gap

Over at Dalton Academy, Blaine asks his fellow Warblers for some help in telling his crush how he feels by serenading the dude off campus. We still know he's not talking about Kurt. Kurt still thinks he is talking about Kurt -- that is, until Blaine tells them where the serenade will take place: the Gap. His fellow is a junior manager there.  

Poor Kurt. But it's nothing a little girl time can't cure. While posse-ing up with Mercedes and Rachel, he realizes he made the whole relationship up in his head -- the duets, the smiles -- it was just Blaine being friendly. Then the amazingly non-boy-crazy Mercedes points out that all three of them are divas like the singers they look up to -- Whitney, Barbara, Patti LuPone -- all of whom were single when they became stars. Harnessing their pain and loneliness is how they became legends. Mercedes then suggests that all three of them need to fly solo for awhile -- not so sure Rachel and Kurt can manage.  

Back in the choir room, Puck decides to woo his potential lady love with a song. Not just any song, though. One of the worst songs you could choose to woo a gal: Queen's "Fat Bottomed Girls."

Puck's support: "That's kind of my love song to you because, you know, you're a little on the heavier side."  

Lauren's rebuttal: "That was the first time anybody ever sang me a love song -- and it made me feel like crap."

Over at Finn's kissing booth, Becky demands tongue (but gets cheek), Quinn tells Finn she's not kissing him again but Sam (oblivious to Finn and Quinn's kiss in Sunday's ep) tells her he wants her to in order to somehow prove that they're not into each other (poor Sam), and Rachel hands over a buck for Finn to kiss her and reignite his feelings for her. After only getting a cheek peck from Finn, Rachel divulges that she's still in love with Finn, and he reminds her that she cheated on him. But he gives her the Christmas present he didn't give her after they broke up -- a gold star necklace: "You're a real star; you need to shine. Just because I can't be with you doesn't mean I don't believe in you." Which sounds more like something your dead grandmother's ghost would tell you rather than your ex-boyfriend.

Santana meanwhile bought her own necklace -- a V-Day gift that's supposed to be from Puck -- and tells Puck that he can take her to dinner for Valentine's Day. However, Puck's not having it because he's into Lauren now, who for some reason Santana thinks she can take in a fight. Which is awesome. 


After slamming Santana into a locker a few times, Lauren sends Satana to the nurse.

Meanwhile, Sam chaperones the kiss between Quinn and Finn. Dios mio.   


They see fireworks, and Quinn tells Finn to meet him in the auditorium later.

Over at the Gap, Kurt encourages a nervous Blaine to go through with singing to his crush, leading to one of the most uncomfortable scenes in the history of ever, as Blaine and the Warblers chase this poor guy around the Gap singing "When I Get You Alone." Excellent song choice for maximum discomfort. Or for shopping for a sensible pair of chinos. 

Afterward, Kurt and Blaine wait outside the store for Gap junior manager Jeremiah (who sort of resembles a semi-hot version of Carrot Top) to emerge, which he does after being fired for creating a scene (though, he wasn't actually the one making the scene).


He essentially pats Blaine on the head, and is like, Sorry, buddy, we're not dating and you're underage. Blaine realizes he made up the whole "relationship" in his head.

Mono y Mono

Back at McKinley, a devious yet perceptive Santana recognizes the look of cheating between Finn and Quinn.


To stir the pot, Santana sticks her tongue down the throat of some poor kid with mono -- apparently she's immune from having it so many times -- and then kisses Finn ...

Who later meets up with Quinn in the auditorium to commence (continue?) cheating. But first, the two have a little chat about cheating, which makes it feel even worse. You still have time to back out! But no. Lips meet. They're cheaters. And now, we know Santana's little plan will most likely come to fruition, infecting both Finn and Quinn with mono, hence proving their cheating. 

In the library, Puck finally gets a clue about how to woo Lauren and proposes a date with a ring pop. So why is Puck making out with some random waitress during his date?? Because Lauren stood him up. He later confesses to Lauren that what he likes most about her is that she's a girl who's an even bigger badass than him. She's the lady Puck. Sort of. So the two agree to take it slow and be V-Day dates as friends.

Over coffee once again, Blaine and Kurt chat about the Gap Attack debacle. So Kurt gets bold and tells Blaine that when he was talking about singing to his crush, Kurt thought he was talking about him. Blaine in turn gives himself a virtual face-palm and confesses that he's never had a boyfriend and has no idea what he's doing, but he really cares about Kurt and doesn't want to screw this up. So they vow to embark on a sort of When Harry Met Sally sitch. Here's hoping it takes less time for them to get together than Harry and Sally, though.

Meanwhile, as predicted, Finn and Quinn both get mono, but Sam is only kinda, sorta suspicious in a not really at all way. And Quinn realizes that cheating may not be all it's cracked up to be, since the first time she did it she got knocked up and the second time she got mono. She tells Finn nothing can happen between them until she figures out what's up with her and Sam and he figures out what's up with him and Rachel.

When Finn awakes from his mono-induced slumber, Rachel's there to take care of him. She asks him if he kissed Quinn. He tells her he saw fireworks, leading her to ask the question she's not supposed to -- if he saw fireworks when the two of them kissed. He says nothing.  Poor Rachel. 

Later the gang's all at Breadsticks to celebrate Valentine's Day at Kurt's Lonely Hearts Club Dinner, where the Warblers are the evening's entertainment. Lauren and Puck actually look really sweet together, and is that a look I see being exchanged between Santana and Sam?

"To all the singles out there, this is our year," says Kurt. Does that mean it's their year to hook up with someone or their year to stand on their own? For teen self-esteem everywhere, here's hoping it's the latter. 

Queen's "Fat Bottomed Girls" sung by Puck and the glee boys

Sure, it sucks as a love song, but the energy and vocals are awesome. And I'm a sucker for Puck with a guitar.

Michael Jackson's "P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing)" sung by Artie with Mike Chang on dance backup

I think I just love this song regardless of who's singing it. Plus, Mike Chang's dance solo was amazing -- but does anyone else find it super-bizarre that Mike is only good for dancing in the glee club?

Robin Thicke's "When I Get You Alone" sung by Blaine and the Warblers

I was so distracted by the extreme discomfort of this scene that I don't know if I can actually judge the performance. But it did have a nice flash-mob feel, and it's nice to see the Warblers performing off campus. 

"My Funny Valentine" from Babes in Arms sung by Tina

Did I miss some major plotline that involves Tina being extremely emotional about Mike and/or Valentine's Day? What was with the sudden sobbing?

Katy Perry's "Fireworks" sung by Rachel and the glee girls

Rachel did a rad job, per usual, though I wasn't digging the Auto-Tune-y techno voice backing thingie on her voice at the beginning. But did anyone else miss getting to hear Brittany sing a love song in this episode?

Paul McCartney's "Silly Love Songs" sung by the Warblers

I kind of hate this song. And it's not Glee's fault. It's Paul McCartney's fault. But these guys did a bang-up job with it.