We're on to the second week of Dancing with the Stars now, and it's still anybody's game. Until tomorrow's Results Show, that is. But what can we expect in the meantime?
We can expect dancing: Each couple will perform either the jive or the quickstep this week. The vastly different styles could shake up the competition, for better or for worse. Will Ralph and Kirstie manage to stay on top? Could the new styles prove positive for the underdogs?
But else can we expect? Sequins, enthusiastic cover songs, and...Chelsea Kane and Mark Ballas (Jive)
Chelsea (and Mark) will look cute and bubbly. Then she will dance fairly well. And the audience still won't have much idea of who she is.Wendy Williams and Tony Dovolani (Quickstep)
After last week's boiling-biscuit success, we can expect to see Wendy in another ill-fitting and unflattering dress. And she'll cry.Romeo and Chelsie Hightower (Quickstep)
Still worried about his manhood, Romeo will move his butt just enough to prove he's better than dad. But no more, even with cute cajoling from Chelsie.Hines Ward and Kym Johnson (Quickstep)
Capitalizing on his I'm-a-football-player-who-could-break-you-in-half-so-I-don't-need-to-prove-my-manhood talents, Hines will jump and shimmy as much as he wants. Take that Romeo!Petra Nemcova and Dmitry Chaplin (Jive)
Petra will make another reference to tsunamis, Japan or both. We'll try to hate her for this (or her success or her beauty), but we will fail. You just cannot dislike this woman! Also, Dmitry, having shown great restraint last week, will take off his shirt.Sugar Ray Leonard and Anna Trebunskaya (Jive)
Sugar Ray will continue to look extremely suave while dancing at a thoroughly mediocre level. Anna will challenge him to a mock boxing match. Possibly repeatedly.Kendra Wilkinson and Louis Van Amstel (Quickstep)
Kendra will say something vaguely inappropriate about herself and then laugh hysterically. Louis will look vaguely confused. Booty will shake.Ralph Macchio and Karina Smirnoff (Jive)
Ralph will point out that he's old, and we will try to believe him. Rehearsal footage will show a deer-in-headlights Ralph moving stiffly. Then he will undergo a magical transformation in the presence of sequins and will give a great performance. Karina will make Karate Kid
references.Chris Jericho and Cheryl Burke (Quickstep)
Chris will yell and give us some fist-pumping action. Wrestling and dancing will be compared. Cheryl will look very nice in her costume.Mike Catherwood and Lacey Schwimmer (Jive)
Mike will make several jokes that sadly fail to connect with many Dancing with the Stars
viewers. He will insult his own dancing skills. He will prove the insults to be correct. Lacey will take comfort in laughter.Kirstie Alley and Maksim Chmerkovskiy (Quickstep)
Kirstie will make fat jokes at the expense of herself and possibly George Lopez
. She and Maks will flap their hands at the camera (it's a Twitter thing
, I guess). Maks will seem to enjoy any abuse thrown his way.
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What are you expecting from Dancing with the Stars
in week 2? Leave us a comment with your theories!(Image courtesy of ABC)