If you predicted that no one would leave tonight on Dancing with the Stars tonight because Misty May-Treanor dropped out, you were right. If you didn't figure it out, Tom Bergeron probably thinks you're a moron. In the final five minutes of the Dancing with the Stars results show, Bergeron casually stated that no one would be going home, making it sound as if this were something we all generally agreed upon when, in actuality, Bergeron and the show dragged it out for 55 minutes, because if they started the show with that announcement, everyone would have turned the channel.

This isn't to say the episode was a total waste. Dancing with the Stars gave us fairy farts, creepy incest dancing, and Edyta Sliwinska in an outfit that made every homosexual man and heterosexual woman momentarily question their respective sexual orientations.

Though no one was sent home, the results weren't totally meaningless. The judges and viewer scores from this week will be combined with next week's scores to determine who will go home next Tuesday. Dancing with the Stars gave us a sneak preview by announcing the couple that had the lowest score and therefore would've gone was Rocco DiSpirito and Karina Smirnoff.

As someone who hasn't watched this season, I don't find this surprising. The judges didn't like his dancing, and while Cloris Leachman is a worse dancer, she's an infinitely more entertaining human being. At least she doesn't use forced metaphors comparing cooking to dancing.

So now Rocco and Karina have to win over the judges and America next week, or they're done. The only good thing is that being in last might cause enough sympathy for them and convince their supporters to vote even more next week.

Other than the results, the episode also featured performances by Kool and the Gang and Jennifer Hudson, who sang while Julianne and Derek Hough danced together, which I find a little creepy because they're siblings.

To lighten things up, Lance Bass and Lacey Schwimmer took offense over the judges saying they didn't sparkle enough, because as they point out, they were covered in sparkles last night, and, in the words of the openly homosexual Mr. Bass, they looked like a fairy farted on them. There are plenty of jokes there, but I'm going with:

Next week Lance and Lacey will perform traditional clog dancing while she wears a tulip in her hair. The dance is inspired by Lance's favorite country, Holland. He's particularly fond of their cooking techniques because he's a huge fan of Dutch ovens.

It was a long way to go for such a lame joke, but I'm still proud of it.

Perhaps even better than fairy farts was the performance of Maksim Chmerkovskiy and Edyta Sliwinska doing the jive Maks and Misty would have done if she wasn't injured. Edyta was dressed in a ridiculous short mini skirt and a white dressed shirt tied up in a knot so that it looks more like a bra than a shirt. I'm sure Misty May-Treanor is a perfectly lovely woman, but there is not a chance in hell she could've looked hotter in that outfit than Edyta.

Next week the top 10 couples perform again, and on Tuesday one of them will be eliminated for real. Assuming Dancing with the Stars doesn't suffer another physical injury.


-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of ABC)