Last week on Crowned: The Mother of All Pageants, Shanna Moakler welcomed 11 mother-daughter pairs to the Barbie doll mansion. And at the first de-sashing ceremony, we were introduced to the bejeweled scissors that were responsible for de-sashing the Reigning A's.

Tonight's Crowned begins after the first de-sashing ceremony. Tenia and Angela (Team Skin Deep) express their concern over the gigantic bejeweled scissors. Some other teams who came up with less than desirable team names get to work on making up new ones. Alana and Annette, formerly Silent But Deadly, decide they want to be called The Realists instead. Way to undersell yourself, ladies. Annette wants to make sure that "realist" is a real word and doesn't have any other connotations. Patty and Laura are now the Sincere, Sexy Redheads; Jill and Nicole are now the Goal Getters; Mindy and Rachelle are now the Gifted Dolls; and Heather and Brenda are now the Goal Driven Gals.

Linnea, the pageant director, requests the teams to assemble downstairs wearing swimsuits, heels and sashes. Tenia knows her full-figured mom will work that swimsuit. After they gather outside in their swimsuits, the women are introduced to Keylee Sanders, who was Miss Teen USA in 1995. One by one, she gives each team criticism about their choice of swimwear. For example, she thinks that Pamela's boyshort bottoms are the absolute wrong cut for her. Patty and Laura laugh and laugh mean-spiritedly to the confessional camera about Gina's mommy figure.

The first challenge this week is to take Keylee's critiques and pick out new swimsuits, only the daughters get to make all the decisions. All the teams make a mad dash to the rose courtyard. Mindy is frightened of wearing a two-piece. Once they are done, they subject themselves to Keylee's expert eye again. She's generally pleased with all of the daughters' choices. But she chooses Jill and Nicole to be the winners of the challenge. They get new sashes that read "Best Swimsuits," and they get to choose one gift from a platter of prizes presented to them by a cabana. They don't know what's in any of the boxes; some have valuable items and some don't. They get corsages. Oh well.

After the challenge, it's clear that the house has split into two big alliances. In the kitchen, some of the the other teams, notably Angela and Tenia and Patty and Laura, talk smack about the bumps on Jill's and Nicole's noses. Nicole and Jill hang out in the dining room with their clique, talking about how the other people are big meanies.

For the elimination challenge, the daughters must choreograph one-minute fitness routines, which must include at least three elements from a list written on a chalkboard. They must perform these routine in front of the panel. The daughters have complete control over every aspect of this challenge, and some mothers are having a hard time taking direction.

It is time for the teams to file into the Madrid Theater where Shanna Moakler, Carson Kressley and Cynthia Garrett sit on their usual perches of purple and gold. They will be judging the routines based on three criteria: originality of routine, overall physical fitness of the teams, and how well the daughters showcased their teams

Patty and Laura go first. They do a really good job, and incorporate four elements. The judges are impressed.

Christan and Ada do a techno-themed routine. The judges are not impressed that they didn't change their team name, which is still Hot & Not. Ada makes up an excuse that they'll change it once she stops feeling not hot.

The Tomboy Queens Felicia and Pamela go. Pamela gets tangled up in her jump rope. The judges think that Felicia made the routine too difficult for her mother and are let down by their performance. Backstage, Pamela thinks it's all her fault.

Jenileigh and Moya do an awesome routine that involves tumbling and splits that blow the judges away.

Annette and Alana do a routine that Carson calls a Rocky II marathon because there was too much boxing.

Tenia and Angela go next. Their routine has a lot of dance moves in it, which kind of perplex me. Shanna thinks it was a sloppy routine.

Mindy and Rachelle do a fairly boring routine, and all Cynthia has to say about it is she likes Rachelle's lace-trimmed capri pants.

Gina and Hollis do a fun routine that really ups the performance factor. Shanna and Carson think it was too musical theater and not enough pageant.

Jill and Nicole also didn't impress the judges because they weren't working together enough as a team.

Brenda and Heather begin, armed with a whole bunch of props, but are too nervous to wow the judges. Backstage, Heather tells her mother that she let her down.

All ten teams have gathered back on the stage for the second de-sashing ceremony. Cue frightening shots of the bejeweled Crowned scissors on its velvet pillow. The teams who are safe are Daredevil Divas, Goal Getters, Dream Gals, Gifted Dolls, Sincere Sexy Redheads, Hot & Not, and Goal Driven Gals.

The Tomboy Queens and Beauty is Skin Deep and the Realists must step to the front of the stage. They are all at the bottom of the pack. The Tomboy Queens must pick up the bejeweled scissors, and they must de-sash the Realists. The Realists have ended their journey on Crowned.


-Debbie Chang, BuddyTV Staff Writer
(Image courtesy of The CW)