It all comes down to this. 10 weeks, 12 celebrity(-ish) competitors and some of the best DWTS performances ever have narrowed down to three finalists for the Dancing with the Stars season 14 Mirror Ball trophy.
And there is no way to know in advance the identity of that Mirror Ball champion. Pretty cool, huh?
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Alas for the other two, someone must win. Katherine Jenkins might ride her front-runner status to the end. William Levy might be able to turn ridiculous sex appeal into a win. Donald Driver could use his late surge to take it all.
Can we even guess who it will be? In a (probably useless) attempt to do so, BuddyTV readers picked their favorites to win
. 51 percent went with Katherine Jenkins and Mark Ballas as the Dancing with the Stars
season 14 winners. William Levy and Cheryl Burke followed with 29 percent of the vote, and Donald Driver and Peta Murgatroyd collected a respectable 20 percent.
So let's find out if we were right in the very last Dancing with the Stars
season 14 recap ever!!!
Should I be that happy about a finale? This is
a lot of work, after all.
Anyway, it's not like we're going to get much in the way of meaningful results for awhile. Fortunately, we have many distractions to pass your time.
Want to remember how everyone did last night but don't want to bother reading? Check out our Dancing with the Stars
Season 14 Finale Performance Rankings!
If you're a fashionista (or someone like me who pretends to be so you can randomly insult clothing choices), we have a list of the best and worst costumes of season 14 as well.
If that's not enough judgment for you, how about the 14 worst (relatively speaking, considering this remarkable season) dances of Dancing with the Stars
Or maybe you just like to laugh at the judges.
Enough of that now. To the show!
This is the most dramatic beginning of any TV show. Ever. It's like I never realized before how truly epic Dancing with the Stars
The drama diminishes somewhat -- only to be replaced by rhythm and sequins -- when the professionals take to the stage to show us what real dancing looks like.
Oh, hey! Celebrities too! They're coming out in the order of their eliminations (meaning, figure it out for yourself), looking incredibly excited. The finalists are there too, of course. Only nobody told those three to practice this one. Usually they dance better.
After many, many retrospectives, it's time for the encore dance. It's Donald and Peta. Not that this is much of a surprise. I personally liked Katherine and Mark's better, but I can see that this one is far more sensational. We don't get much country on this show.
The judges are very happy about the finalists this season. They would have talked about them anyway, of course. But they're like super-excited!
OMG! OMG!!! Emily and the host guy of The Bachelorette
are in the audience. Wait, have I given away the fact that I don't watch that show? Oh well.
Sherri Shepherd is the first eliminated contestant to give us a repeat performance. She gets to bump and grind with a whole bunch of hot male pros. Sherri seems to enjoy this about as much as Carson Kressley did last season. "It's Raining Men" is probably an appropriate song for this one.
We're going back to the beginning of the season now. Anything to fill time, I guess. Recapping the entire season from the first episode onward should do it.
At least it gives me a chance to hear one of my favorite exchanges in DWTS
: "Steve Urkel and Stefan Urkell are my Mickey Mouse." [begins to cry
: "And that's emotional for you."
I'm not sure what these 24-hour dances are, but they do seem to involve neon costumes.
The parade of also-rans continues: Martina Navratilova (in a much better dress than anything they gave her back at the beginning of the season) and Tony Dovolani do a classy ballroom dance. They're followed by Jack Wagner and Anna Trebunskaya doing a Latin number that's anything but classy.
A quote montage follows. I feel sorry for the poor producer who had to put all that together.
Gavin follows this in his boat. Yep, they're doing that really, really bad (but amusing) dance that led to elimination. It's not much better this time, despite the addition of more girls.
J.R. Martinez liked that. A lot. I'm not sure how the flying shark felt.
Weeks 4-6 retrospective now...
Followed by the return of Gladys Knight and (pretty, pretty) Tristan MacManus. She's still smiling. She will sing later.
Jaleel White is next. He gets a whole '70s-style, kung fu montage to introduce the dance. OK then... I guess, since he's dancing to the theme from Shaft
, that makes a small amount of sense.
Melissa Gilbert and the Chmerkovskiy brothers have returned for their sandwich-style trio dance. This really was one of her best dances, so that's cool.
Roshon Fegan and Chelsie Hightower have the next slot. They're doing a freestyle dance because, as they both mention about five times, they didn't get the chance to do it in competition. It's... interesting. Not bad. Just very modern and different. This is where dance training shows.
Leaving dancing for awhile, Kelly Clarkson is going to sing. Because that's what she does.
Maria and Derek are the only ones left -- which is a good way to save the best for last. They're repeating that tango they did in the semi-finals. You know, the one that started as just legs behind a curtain. That was an awesome dance. Still is.
Oh, and if you missed it, they're doing a Dancing with the Stars: All Stars
thing for season 15.Dancing! Actual dancing! New dancing!!! Woo!!!!!!
First up:William Levy and Cheryl BurkeDancing the salsa My Comments
: William does love his salsa. They don't seem exactly in sync at times in this. But the energy is sure there. Plus, your standard salsa fun. If you wanted one more chance to see the vertical sex in the ballroom, this one's for you. And for all those audience screamers.Judges' CommentsLen
: "If salsa and rhythm were in the Olympics, you'd get a gold medal."Bruno
: "Sexy, spicy salsa! Hips gone wild! Nobody does it better than William!"Carrie Ann
: "They don't call you guys Team Fuego for no reason."Scores
: 10+10+10 = 30
Um, if they're going to give everybody 30 points, why bother dancing at all? Guess we'll see if that's the plan...Katherine Jenkins and Mark BallasDancing the jive
: It's always good when they start with a flying leap over someone's head. This is followed by lots of fast dancing of the jive type. It all looks very '50s (or maybe '60s -- that's before my time) and about as perfect as you'd expect from Katherine and Mark. Nice dance!
: "You are the complete package."
: "The girl that has it all: versatility, great technique, performance range..."
: "I don't know what else to say to you -- you are such a brilliant artist."
: 10+10+10 = 30
See? One more 30 to go...
Also, Benedict Cumberbatch! Sherlock Holmes!!! Katherine has awesome friends.Donald Driver and Peta MurgatroydDancing the cha-cha
: And the shirt comes off. Oh Donald... Carrine Ann would have given you a 10 without that! Although, in Carrie Ann's defense, I have to admit that this is a pretty good dance. There is some choreography reminiscent of last night's freestyle, but the steps are all cha-cha. Also, William may have just lost his sexiness throne...
: "All three of you are absolute winners." "We've had some great footballers on the show over the years. My feeling is you're the best we've ever had."
: "Another massive hit for Donald the Magnificent!"
: "You! You are such a fierce competitor!" "You are the one to beat!"
: 10+10+10 = 30
Wow. I'm so glad we bothered with these competitive dances. They mattered so much.
How long does it take to count the votes and scores that are exactly the same as they were before the show began? Apparently it takes the length of a performance by Gladys Knight. She is singing "The Way We Were" as videos of the finalists play dramatically on the screens behind everyone.
On the other hand, Gladys Knight is a phenomenal singer, so it's awesome even if it's cheesy.
But the time is almost up, so it's time for the RESULTS
So...William Levy and Cheryl Burke are in 3rd place!!!
That out of the way, it's time for the championship announcement.Katherine Jenkins and Mark Ballas are in 2nd place!!!
Which means...Donald Driver and Peta Murgatroyd are the Dancing with the Stars season 14 champions!!!!!
Want to read more of my ramblings about TV and stuff? Follow me (@really_mzungu) on Twitter!
So that's it for another season of Dancing with the Stars
! Did you enjoy it? Was Donald's victory a surprise for you? Which couple would you have chosen to win? And, most importantly, were the recaps OK? I hope so! See you next season! (Or, you know, in the recaps for another show...)(Images courtesy of ABC)