Big Brother 8: Totally Superficial Predictions, Part 1
Big Brother 8: Totally Superficial Predictions, Part 1
Prior to Big Brother 7's season premiere, there was ample time to evaluate and examine the houseguests and speculate as to what may or may not happen.  Why?  Because we knew everyone on the show.  That's the beauty of an all-star season.  It may take away from the sense of discovery, but there's always something to be said for familiarity.  Big Brother 8, now two days away from its premiere, does not afford us the same sort of cast knowledge.  All we know about these people is what CBS has told us: we have a small picture and short bio. 

Given these tight parameters, I will do my best to infer information about these Big Brother 8 house guests.  I will look deep into their souls, via the small picture CBS has released of each.  I will make fearless predictions based only upon hunches and star signs and my tarot cards and this shrunken gypsy head I keep at my desk.  These houseguest predictions are ordered backwards, from who I think will be voted out first to who I believe will be cashing a $500,000 check next month.  Onwards!

14th Place: Zach

Cheesy smile, spiked hair...Zach simply looks like he's trying to hard.  He's a graphic designer, so it's safe to say he may have some nerd tendencies.  I see Zach pouring on the charm a little too thick to the younger ladies, creeping out everyone in the process, and getting the unanimous boot. 

13th Place: Dustin

As you can see from Dustin's picture (full picture on his profile page, that is), the man does not know how to use buttons.  This does not bode well for his in-house strategic ability.  He's a shoe salesman, which could mean a number of things (he's gay, he just really loves shoes, his family owns a shoe store, he's an Al Bundy enthusiast, etc.), but, as of now, I cannot in good conscious hold Dustin's intellect in high regard. 

12th Place:  Kail

At this point, Kail is fed up with all the girls in their early twenties getting drunk, frolicking naked and hooking up with dudes.  Kail, although from Oregon and almost certainly a hippie, will have bitched out at least two girls (maybe three) by the third week.  Unfortunately, she doesn't have any really strong allies and must be eliminated. 

11th Place: Amber

This 27-year-old Vegas cocktail waitress will become the first victim of the “Sorority Triumvirate” (which we'll get to tomorrow).  Amber wants to hang out with the young girls, but they think she's old, so she just gets drunk a lot.  Amber will not be shy about removing her clothes (she's from Vegas, folks).  This will be a welcome sight for many of the male housemates at first, but it will eventually get old.

10th Place: Eric

This New Yorker will have been dubbed a “floater” up until this point, when all the warring factions agree that Eric and his thick New York accent need to booted out.  Oh, how everyone hates a floater.  After Eric's elimination there will be an interesting atmosphere in the house, with four separate alliances alive and well.  It's very difficult to predict past this point, but I'll do my best. 

9th Place: Nick

The former professional football player will foolishly be betrayed by his "showmance" Jen for no other reason than greed and stupidity.  Nick will have dominated almost every competition that involves any sort of physicality, and so when he's open to take down, the housemates jump at the occasion.  You can't blame them, really.  Nick was an early favorite.

8th Place:  Jen

Jen really should have kept her boy-toy Nick around.  She was also totally unaware of the other alliances in the house, which is a death wish in and of itself.  Being a Beverly Hills nanny brought with Jen low expectations from the viewing public, but she will be far more down-to-earth and respectable than one would expect.  Not one to get drunk and take off her clothes like the other girls, Jen will be applauded time and time again by the female viewership for giving young females a good name.

Part 1   |   Part 2

-Oscar Dahl, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Images Courtesy of CBS)