It's the season highlights clip show! That's all there is to it. The Final Three and the rest of us just look back on the whole crazy season, but since I've been poring over the live feeds these past months there's hardly anything new. Well, not really.
Tonight on Big Brother are jaws dropping to the floor and echoes of "What? What?!" since we get a flashback of Kevin, Jordan and Natalie being informed of the twist. All three of them will be around until finale night, which is as surprising as Jordan's very coherent DR interview.
Zoomed shots of food for a final feast, so Kevin pours out the champagne and it's a toast to the "Fabulous Final Three." As they wine and dine (whine for Natalie), the obvious scripted-ness of the whole episode becomes even more apparent. You can tell production staged it and told these guys that they had to act "natural." They're failing at it, and once again I'm reminded that this is reality TV.
So we're unfreezing time and going back on the eleventh season of Big Brother
. Here we go, Memory Lane.The 13th Houseguest:
What a way to start things off. Ugh. We see footage of Jessie being a meathead (in Kevin's words) as he enters the house again. If that isn't torture enough, we have to endure the Abominable Hulk singing his own praises. Literally too, as if he believes he's a one-man choir of angels. Then he reverts to being ape-like, which is much more appropriate.The Man in a Banana Suit:
Since Jessie's montage took up more time than we expected, the banana jokes have been cut out. What a tragedy.Showmances
:Jeff and Jordan
: Squirrel! That's about it, because I care more about talking dogs in Pixar films than Jordan's low aspirations. But hey, she's in the final three so props to her. Apparently Jeff and Jordan are engaged. Surely they'll have more guests than Natalie at her wedding.Lydia and Jessie:
The Tattooed Lady watches you dream of baby unicorns. Hm, maybe M. Night Shyamalan could work on this sometime.Coup d'etat:
The game-changing move that was so epic, causing Chima to explode on the Wizard Jeff. I even like Jessie a little bit for admitting that using the power was a good idea.
Let's take a break for the America's Vote ad. It always makes me laugh when the narrator speeds up his vocal chords without breathing. It's like some surreal superpower!
And we're back. Production must have a thing for Jessie since we see yet another tribute to him. Maybe that's why he got to be the 13th HG. Is CBS really trying to lose its audience or something?A Toast to Mr. Pectacular:
Natalie, Chima, and Lydia shed tears for the evicted Jessie. I'd pay good money just to see Kevin making faces throughout the incident. To sum it up in his words, it was all so "redonkulous."Garden Boy:
So maybe production's compensating for all the Jessie-ness of the episode by giving us shots of a shirtless Jeff water the garden. As usual, Kevin's reaction is priceless.Natalie's Bug-ophobia:
LOL.Chima's Diva Time:
There goes $4000 down the Jacuzzi and this girl goes down in Big Brother
history. It was probably worth it.Pillow Talk
: Michele is renowned for talking in her sleep, from those moans to nightmarish No's! she emits. "Burst? Who burst?" The HGs did, in laughter.Jordeff:
This starts off with talk of booger for the Hawaii trip, before we get to see the couple do an interview as though they were already married. It wouldn't be so bad, but this makes me worry about their future kids. Jeff wishing everyone was more like Jordan? The peaches and nectarines of the world would protest.Lydia's Freakout
: Slurslurslurangerslurslur. Lydia could be Batman. The Chest Bump:
Jordan unleashes her rage at Russell and he calls her a fat lapdog. That was crass, but it was simply the Shotgun's game. It was his last move too.
Back to the present, and Kevin's speaking of the end already. He calls all of them fabulous and the very cheesy clip show ends with a group hug. They're as shocked as we are at seeing them as the Fab Three, but oh well. One of them's got to win that half a million bucks, and it's too late to ask for another twist now. Unless someone gets to bring back Dae Yum Yum the unicorn.
-Maria Gonzalez, BuddyTV Staff Columnist (Image Courtesy of CBS)