American Idol

The Dallas auditions of American Idol brought a very strange phenomenon, and I'm not talking about “We're Brothers Forever.” No, it was the total ambivalence and lack of passion from the judges that caught my eye. Though 24 people made it through to Hollywood, we only saw performances from 10 of them. Of those 10, half only made it by a vote of 2 to 1. Though Simon Cowell was often the lone holdout, both Randy Jackson and Paula Abdul also cast negative votes for successful contestants, disproving any theories of collusion against Simon.  Even for the singers who got three votes for Hollywood, the American Idol judges had some reservations.

Weird dudes are certainly a trend, as fingernail collector Brandon Green and future Governor of Oklahoma Kyle Ensley made it to Hollywood despite overwhelming odds against them. Did the judges simply feel bad for them? In Brandon's case, Simon was smart enough to say no, but the cold-hearted curmudgeon was somehow won over by the geeky Kyle, who Randy nixed. I suspect Paula slipped some of her “special happy pills” into their brand-name soda containers when they weren't looking.

Simon also said no to farmer Drew Poppelreiter, who appears to be running on the same platform as Mike Huckabee: I love God and my family, so vote for me. Sadly, I think it could work.

For the ladies, Paula had a problem is Kayla Hatfield's gravelly voice, as did I, but the men were somehow won over. In Dallas, there must have been a whole lot of terrible auditions we didn't see, because nothing else can account for the tepid mediocrity that made it through. Nina Shaw, of Kelly Clarkson's hometown, was perfectly average, “old fashioned” as Simon said, but for the other judges, perfectly average worked.

Even the singers with three votes received their fair share of critique. Former meth addict Jessica Brown was called pitchy (and so the Randy Jackson Drinking Game begins anew: take a shot whenever he says “pitchy” or “dawg”). Simon couldn't care less about country rocker Colton Swon, and Carrie Underwood wannabe Alaina Whitaker was asked to watch her breathiness.

Of the 10 we saw, only two received universal praise. Pia Easley, who looks like she belongs on America's Next Top Model, is yet another back-up singer trying to make it on her own (it looks like plucky little Melinda Doolittle inspired quite a few people this season). The other is Kady Malloy, who Simon claimed the best so far, though even Randy was wary of doling out that kind of acclaim. Also, her voice was just OK, but her Britney Spears impression was actually much better.

The point is that after spending two hours watching the Dallas auditions, I'm fairly confident that none of these people will be the next American Idol. The talent we saw was average at best. Heck, I'll go along with what Simon said: the majesty of Renaldo Lapuz and his soon-to-be hit song will be the most successful thing to come out of these auditions.

Who Will Make the Top 24?

As I said, none of these people are likely to make it very far, but maybe one or two can survive long enough to be voted out by America. My first pick goes to Pia Easley. The model/backup singer has a unique look that makes her stand out, and a solid voice, and that combo should be enough to be remembered by the judges. My second pick goes to country rocker Colton Swon. Looking like a One Tree Hill reject, his voice lends itself to both country and rock songs, a useful arsenal on this show. However, he's more likely to be signed by Peyton's new record label than to win this thing.

For more on American Idol, please read:
Dallas Auditions: Live Thoughts
Dallas Auditions: The Good, he Bad and the Baffling



-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of FOX)