'American Idol' Results: Another Shocking Week of Results Without Redemption
'American Idol' Results: Another Shocking Week of Results Without Redemption
Rock and Roll Hall of Fame week went well, didn't it? I think we saw marked improvement in almost all of the contestants, so tonight could really be anyone's time to go home. I predicted that we'll see Stefano go home tonight, but as far as who else will round out the bottom three, I'm not entirely sure. A lot of people seem to think Jacob might be in there, especially after his haughty comment about how America needs to look at ITSELF in the mirror and if he's in the bottom it's only because America refused to do that, not because he might not have done a good job. What a thing to say, really. I saw a promo for tonight's episode that said, "if your favorite goes home, blame yourself." So, you have two reasons to hate yourself tonight.

For fun, I gave all the Idol contestants awards for their own, yearbook-style Hall of Fame, and John compared them to characters on Glee. Shouldn't American Idol do a "songs from Glee" night already? It would be such good cross-branding. They could sing that awful original song for the group number. Will.I.Am and Wax Steven Tyler were also along for the ride this week.

The dramatics of tonight began by putting the contestants into squares on the screen like The Brady Bunch, only more dramatic. Judging by placement alone, Scotty is Alice. Newsflash: there can only be one American Idol. NOT TWO, NOT FOUR, ONE. So don't get your hopes up this season.

I usually love what Jennifer Lopez adorns her body with, but tonight the high-waisted hammer pants and blousy cranberry top were not happening. Ryan promises us that the results "could be very shocking." More shocking than the outfits in tonight's group number? Doubt it.

I like how Paul gently pointed a confused Scotty in the proper direction for this rock medley, and how it all makes so very little sense. Haley is dressed like a '90s call girl, Lauren is dressed like Bea Arthur on The Golden Girls (RIP) and Jacob Lusk looks Carlton Banks got bit by a radioactive Saved By the Bell opening credits sequence. I hope, for their sake, none of them are eliminated in those outfits. It's cruel and unusual.

Jacob90sdream.jpg"It's kind of your fault, as I say every week," Ryan tells us. Who do you hate more now, Ryan or yourself? Pia and Paul were paired up again in this week's Ford Music Video because, let's be honest, they're probably the most attractive contestants. I didn't like this one as much as last week's because Scotty's part was very minor and he didn't save the day without realizing it or anything.

Russell Brand is here to talk to the contestants (about Hop and Arthur). I like Russell Brand still, but he's quickly becoming to TV what Will.I.Am is to American Idol. The contestants had some laughs, but received no practical feedback or comments whatsoever.
"He had so much good advice to give us," Pia lied.

RussellBrandugh.jpgDIM THE LIGHTS! (And lock them doors while you're at it). Lauren, Casey, and Stefano are up first. Kelly Clarkson tweeted that she has a crush on Casey Abrams but I hear he only dates "ethnic" girls. Or Haley.

One of them is in the bottom three, and after the nationwide vote, Lauren is safe, Casey is safe, and Stefano is in the bottom three.

Ewww, Constantine Maroulis. Well, that's my opinion, you are welcome to have your own. This song ("Unchained Melody") makes me sad, because it reminds me that I'd rather be watching Ghost. He knew he was going to be on TV, he could have at least washed his hair.

And now a clip package in which Gwen Stefani styles the three remaining girls and is like, "wear this! But I don't know what I'm doing!" No one wanted to wear those black puffy diaper pants.

Paul, Scotty and Pia are next to face Ryan and his shock-filled envelope. I really hope that Pia is not in the bottom, because she will think that only ballads work for her. The story about Scotty singing on the bus was very cute. Scotty is safe, leaving our two Ford Music Video beauties. AUDIBLE GASP! Paul is safe, and Pia is in the bottom three. WHAT! She'll think that up-tempo songs are bad! I don't understand what is happening!

Other stuff I don't understand: the contestants receiving "training" from TMZ. I guess it was pretty funny, though. James received some criticism and blew up and I think it was only partly in jest. I've been waiting for that to happen on stage all season. They told Scotty that he makes weird faces, Stefano that he's boring, and Pia that she's pretty. Then Ryan made a backhanded comment toward Harvey Levin, that was also mostly not a joke.

James, Haley, and Jacob are last to receive the results. Only one of them is in the bottom three, who will it be? James is safe, and he will live to flat-iron MOST of his mohawk but not all of it another day. Haley is safe, and Jacob is in the bottom three. Randy looked perplexed, which I can't say I didn't enjoy. I guess America wasn't ready to look at itself in the mirror!

Randyshockedbyresults.jpgIggy Pop performed shirtless and I guess the only word I have for it is "gross." It was a good companion performance to Constantine's. He danced real hard at the safe contestants, and they pretended to be really into it for his sake.

IggyPopoof.jpgIt's time for an elimination. It has to be Stefano, right?

I like that Ryan reminds Jacob of what he said the night before to America before he faked him out and sent him to the couches. Jacob is safe. Then my jaw drops as Stefano is safe and Pia is eliminated! The audience booes, and the judges may regret using The Save. But ... but ... Pia!

A teary-eyed Jennifer Lopez says, "I'm shocked. I'm angry." Randy says he's mad, but I don't really buy it. Steven says something that doesn't really apply to the situation at hand.

Wow. I just didn't see this coming. After her farewell clip package, in which David Cook admonishes us for forgetting about him, or whoever else, Ryan gives Pia a chance to sing her swan song. They have the extra time, so why not?

I can't believe this! Another girl going home and it's Pia?! I thought she'd be in the top 3 or 4 at least! GoodNIGHT!

(Images courtesy of FOX)