90210 returns tonight at 8pm on the CW with a very special episode: Spring Break! The kids of West Bev are headed to Cabo for a week they'll never forget, mostly because it provides huge, life-changing revelations for most of them.

More importantly, it's a time for fun. There's plenty of eye candy, casual hookups, poolside catfights, illegal drugs, foam parties, Mariachi bands and a monkey wearing people clothes.
If you want to enjoy your next Spring Break like these kids do, here are seven easy tips I learned from watching this episode on how to have the perfect Spring Break adventure.

Embrace the Cliches

Annie develops a serious case of Graduation Goggles, wanting to revel in their last Spring Break as high school students. Unfortunately, her excitement takes the form of embracing every Mexican cliché known to man, wanting to wear a sombrero, eat some enchiladas and listen to a Mariachi band. I think everything she knows about Mexico she learned from Speedy Gonzalez cartoons.

Take a Picture with a Monkey in People Clothes

Liam isn't as gung-ho about Mexico, especially when Annie takes him on a walk and they find a monkey wearing people clothes. Annie thinks it's adorable and wants to take a picture with it while Liam is freaked out and terrified that the monkey is up to something. As usual, one of them is right and the other is named "Annie."

Buy Some Illegal Drugs

Ivy's descent into drug addiction continues on Spring Break. First she tries to bring a baggie of weed onto the private jet, but after learning about a little thing called Customs, she drops it in the garbage at the airport, forcing her to go up to a Mexican guy and ask for some "drogas illegales." If you think that's a little bit racist, it's not, because the Mexican man in questions knows exactly where to get some pot.

Have a Catfight by the Pool

The escalating feud between Adrianna and Silver reaches a boiling point as they come to blows over Navid. However, like all good catfights, their big confrontation happens right next to a pool, which is the next best thing to a tub of Jell-O. But as bad as Adrianna was when she sent the entire school a topless photo of Silver, that was nothing compared to what she does in this episode. Adrianna officially goes from cruel to monstrous.

Bring a Tutor

Naomi is having a good time sexing up her new nerdy boyfriend Max, so she decides to bring him along on Spring Break, covering their relationship by telling everyone she needs to bring a tutor to help her study. The fact that all of her friends completely believe this tells me that none of them deserve to go to college.

Enjoy a Random Hookup

Now that Teddy is out of the closet, he's embracing his homosexuality, by which I mean he has a mission to have as many gay casual hookups as he did straight ones. The problem is that Marco (the hot soccer player he hit in the head with a tennis ball) wants a real relationship. What happens next is the kind of story that I'm sure has happened to everyone reading this: In Mexico, Teddy bumps into his old private school roommate who he had a huge crush on, they go out for beers, Teddy confesses that he's gay, and a night-long tongue wrestling match between the two begins.

NOTE: If, like the awful Victoria Jackson, you were offended and disgusted by the Kurt-Blaine kiss on Glee, you should avoid this episode of 90210, because it makes the Glee kiss look like a peck on the cheek.

Wear as Little as Possible

The best part of Spring Break is the outfits, or the lack thereof. On the 90210 vacation, the girls all enjoy their bathing suits (particularly Jessica Lowndes as Adrianna, looking especially good). Meanwhile, if you're into the guys of 90210, every single one of them appears shirtless in the episode (Liam, Teddy, Navid, Dixon and even Naomi's new nerd, Max). So enjoy the view.



If you follow those seven simple rules, perhaps you can have as much fun on your Spring Break as the kids from 90210 have on theirs.


(Image courtesy of the CW)