Everyone is getting along on this Napa trip, except for Teresa and Kathy, because someone has to be having a fight with Teresa. That’s just the way it is since Danielle Staub left. Oh, and I guess Caroline hates her, but she’s keeping her distance. And, it appears, Teresa’s husband might not be happy with her. But we’ll get to that in good time.
In the Gorga/Giudice RV, Teresa is taking pictures and trying to make Joe smile. It’s not particularly successful. Or maybe it’s brilliant editing by the Bravo team, foreshadowing this epic phone call they’ve been teasing for weeks now. Teresa says, “if my husband doesn’t get hanky panky at least once a day he gets very, very cranky.” And Juicy Joe is out of town, with limited resources.
In the RVs, people talk about the Jacqueline-Teresa fight and Melissa tries, very sanely, to explain Jacqueline’s side to Teresa. Teresa isn’t hearing it, though, so the conversation continues to be un-productive. Still, Melissa feels positive about the relationship. Teresa is ready to move forward with Jacqueline, and the Manzos try to tell Jacqueline that Teresa is still the scourge of the earth. What can ya do.
“HONEY CAN WE DO IT IN ONE OF THESE VINEYARDS? IT’S SO HOT,” Teresa demands of Joe. Ugh. They’ve arrived.
I forgot why this Napa trip is even happening. I guess it doesn’t really matter anymore. Almost immediately, the Jersey gang pulls wine off the walls, breaks glasses, and starts goofing around. Chris is all business, but the rest of the crew is all drinking. Originally it was supposed to be three people representing New Star, but that evolved into everyone, and there is no way that’s good for business.
The tourists are treating this like a tour, while the three entrepreneurs are treating it like a business opportunity. It’s not a good mix, as the family makes Chris, Albie, and Albert look bad with all their whining and swearing and commentary in front of the vineyard.
“It’s supposed to be fun, not work,” Teresa says in a confessional, not understanding the situation. Behind the company guide, the Gorgas pull grapes off the vine and feed each other. Loudly. The Manzos are embarrassed, and have had it. Then there was an argument about KFC.
On the other side of the Lancaster Estates, in the wine cave, Teresa and Melissa act like Veruca Salts on the Factory tour. “I want a cave nowww!” Classing it up in the wine cave, Joe Gorga mounts a statue and pretends it is his penis. Confused, Teresa describes the trip as “weird and judgy.” Why can’t a man pretend a statue is his penis and not be judged for it?
For Caroline’s birthday, the group surprises her with a sit-down meal at the vineyard. Everyone toasts Caroline, and Lauren complains about going last. She is such an anchor. In a bad way. Then Joe Giudice tried to make a toast and it was awkward. It was about trying to continue the friendship “and never mind the bull crap.” We’ll see.
THEN, the phone call happened. Juicy excused himself to “call his work” after getting a text. The Manzos take a family photo and Juicy still has his mic on. The conversation sounds relatively flirty, and then Joe says, “here she comes, my bitch wife. She’s such a c***. I’m gonna hang up.” That’s pretty incriminating.
Teresa asks who he’s talking to, like she might know what’s up, and Joe starts speaking in Italian. Teresa and Joe walk away, and everyone looks on suspiciously. It’s sketch. They trod into the vineyard and argue avoidantly. People think they’re making out, and Teresa is certainly trying. Juicy offers to “get it over with.” Oh my god so awkward,
The next morning, Teresa tries to kiss on Joe in the morning, and he refuses her. She says they really needed to be alone, and I won’t argue with that. Don’t do it with your brother in the room, or in front of us for that matter. Later, Teresa and Jacqueline get ready together and discuss how their men need to talk about their issues. They also talk about Kathy and how she’s making “malicious comments.” Really? Kathy? That is preposterous.
For fun, Kathy and Caroline get ready together too. Maybe they can talk about how awful Teresa and Joe are. Nothing like the power of a curling iron to bring women together. Then Jacqueline shows up to let Kathy curl HER hair. How many people does Jacqueline need to help her curl her hair? Or did Teresa not help? Mysteries of RHONJ. Caroline notes that Teresa is making “movement toward Melissa, but nothing towards [Kathy].”
At dinner, in the Lancaster Estates, Melissa notes that Kathy and Teresa look like cousins. It’s a good introduction to the mending of their relationship. Chris Laurita toasts the room, and Teresa toasts Chris and Jacqueline, then noted how happy she was to spend time with her brother and Melissa, happy 50th to Caroline, and that’s it. Caroline looks around, dismayed, refusing to “raise a glass to mean toasts.” Kathy felt “embarrassed.” Because she’s classy!
Rich doesn’t give two shits about Teresa, but feels sorry for Kathy, who keeps making efforts to be familial. Next time, everyone will get too wine-drunk, then get shirtless, and argue!
(images courtesy of Bravo)
Originally from Seattle, Carla recently took a husband and moved to Austin, Texas, where she is finally using her television “problem” to her advantage. It’s sort of like Dexter, but boring and less murdering. Carla’s favorite shows include 30 Rock, The Amazing Race, Project Runway, Modern Family, anything with murder, and pretty much anything gross and weird (CSI, The Bachelor, Toddlers & Tiaras, etc.). Favorite canceled shows include: Arrested Development, Veronica Mars and Average Joe. In her spare time, Carla leads tours of downtown Austin on a Segway (don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it!), blogs about Netflix Instant, and visits elementary schools telling children they don’t need math to succeed (just kidding, stay in school, kids).