OK, how did America’s Got Talent get Gabby Douglas? And if Nick Cannon tries to draw a correlation between her Olympic Gold Medal and the YouTube Acts on AGT, I will crap a brick. Right out. Nick also promises us Karmin, “one of the funniest guys on the internet,” and a Howard Stern-centric clip package. This is not how I wanted my Olympic Summer to end.

The first acts up on stage are Cast in Bronze, Reverse Order, and Academy of Villains. This one will go to Academy of Villains, I’d bet. It certainly will not go to Cast in Bronze, although I would definitely hire it/them for my Labyrinth-themed party. Alright, everyone tried their best, but who tried their bestest? Academy of Villains. I live for any slow-panning shots of that Cast in Bronze guy, though.

Gabby Douglas is back! She still has to fulfill her contract. I can not freaking believe they made her introduce the Orville Lounge segment. Then they made her introduce Karmin. I know you can’t really get much higher than Olympic Gold, but must we fall so low?

The last time I saw Karmin was on SNL, and I think she is dancing more now, so I would say things have gotten worse. I despise that they are making Gabby Douglas do this.

7 in Unison, Bria Kelly, and Rudy Coby
are up next. It will probably be Bria Kelly. I wish it was that weird magician, though. Bria Kelly moves forward.

The Magic of Puck, Eric , and Melinda Hill are up next. I want it to be Eric Buss, but it will be The Magic of Puck. I want to see some more weird acts! And I do NOT want to see any jokey clip packages about the judges.

“And of course I still have Gabby Douglas with me,” Nick Cannon reminds us. She is his prisoner. At least Randall is here! Yay Randall! Gabby Douglas has not heard of Randall. She’s been too busy training for THE OLYMPICS. Randall gives his take, with an awkward intro to the video. This is something that doesn’t translate live. Stay on YouTube, Randall, it’s where you are the most magical.

Then we have to watch “a typical day in the life of Howard Stern” and it’s not even voiced by Randall. This is a long hour in my life.

The final three contestants remaining are Clint and His Extreme Parrots, Romeo Dance Cheetah, and Drew Erwin. The act going home is Romeo Dance Cheetah. This disappoints me GREATLY. I love this gimmick, I want a show in Vegas of just him, Cast in Bronze, Eric Buss, and Rudy Coby. Clint Carvalho tells the judges “this is pretty much it, we can’t do any better.” I don’t think that came out right.

Howard votes for Clint and his parrot, so does Sharon, and on he goes. Bye, Drew. The less we hear from Howie the better. Big thanks to Gabby Douglas!

(images courtesy of NBC)

Carla Patton

Writer, BuddyTV

Originally from Seattle, Carla recently took a husband and moved to Austin, Texas, where she is finally using her television “problem” to her advantage. It’s sort of like Dexter, but boring and less murdering. Carla’s favorite shows include 30 RockThe Amazing RaceProject RunwayModern Family, anything with murder, and pretty much anything gross and weird (CSIThe BachelorToddlers & Tiaras, etc.). Favorite canceled shows include: Arrested DevelopmentVeronica Mars and Average Joe. In her spare time, Carla leads tours of downtown Austin on a Segway (don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it!), blogs about Netflix Instant, and visits elementary schools telling children they don’t need math to succeed (just kidding, stay in school, kids).