Tiger Woods’ number one mistress, Rachel Uchitel, is a wanted woman. As we told you on Friday, Donald Trump reportedly asked Uchitel to be on the next season of The Celebrity Apprentice, and this morning news broke that Woods’ former paramour will be appearing on the new season of Celebrity Rehab, according to TMZ, after a personal visit from show host Dr. Drew Pinsky. (UPDATE: Also according to TMZ, Trump’s now gone cold on Uchitel since she decided to go to Rehab: “It’s a terrible decision. We have zero interest in her now.”)
One might assume it’s to kick her addiction to being a whor–um, I mean, horrible person, especially after Tiger Woods’ own stint in rehab for sex addiction. But not so much. Uchitel is reportedly looking to kick an addiction to pills, according to a VH1 rep. But her appearance on Dr. Drew’s rehabilitation show comes with a hefty price tag: $500,000 (that would be $460,000 more than her costar Jeremy London will be receiving).
Here’s a full list of the confirmed “celebrity” (a loosely used term, obvs) cast, along with what we think they should actually be seeking rehabilitation for:
– Jeremy London, for his inability to come up with a less-lame excuse for falling off the wagon than “someone kidnapped me and forced me to smoke crack.” Yeah, you were obviously smoking crack when you came up with that story.
– Janice Dickinson, for agreeing to be on both the British and American versions of I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here! and for inappropriate use of plastic surgery.
– Leif Garrett, for not having another designation other than “former teen idol…from 40 years ago.”
– Jason Wahler, for general douchebaggery and appearing on The Hills.
– Frankie Lons, for no one knowing who she is. (Rumor has it that being Keyshia Cole‘s mother is enough to qualify as “celebrity.”)
– Jason “Gummi Bear” Davis, for being the greasy, overweight, male version of Paris Hilton.
Who are you excited to watch? Anyone you wish was appearing on the show? What do you think they should seek rehab for? Sound off in the comments below!
(Image courtesy of JDH/JCP/WENN)