Last week was pretty intense (need I remind you that Teresa Giudice got all King Kong and PUSHED Andy Cohen?) but apparently there’s another hour and fifteen minutes’ worth of clips for Andy to introduce and the Housewives to ignore.

Things pick right back up with Danielle’s Brownstone-crashing incident, and the “f word.” Danielle says she refuses to speak to Danny after the incident (that doesn’t seem true at all) and apologizes to Andy if he was offended, but won’t take responsibility for what Danny said. But this is nothing new, as Danielle doesn’t really take responsibility for anything. Quickly, things digress into catty accusations and insults coming out of left field and Danielle walks out again.

In an interesting side moment, Danielle says, “Lori can tell you I sure don’t sleep with men,” while sulking backstage. Back on stage, Jacqueline says exactly what I’m thinking: “what’s the point of this whole thing?” Probably just to rile Teresa up in hopes that she’ll throw a punch. Except Andy is determined to regulate this second half (but no one can regulate Danielle’s outfit, or the direction her boobs are poking out of that wife beater).

Next we revisit how Dina (aww I miss Dina) cut Danielle out of her life. Then we confront Jacqueline about what an awful girl Ashley is turning out to be. We saw the Facebook incident revisited, or as I like to call it, When Two Pathological Liars Collide. One of the wise viewers wrote in, “Danielle, ‘BYE’ is not a death threat. Please explain how you came to that conclusion.” I love the viewers . . . so much smarter and more rational than the Housewives.

We learned this, though: Danielle responds to every tweet she gets provided that it’s positive. But she doesn’t actually read the tweets. Anyway, the Housewives got all up in arms about some incendiary tweets. Seriously.

But it’s about time the reunion discussed the big country club fashion show rumble. Teresa denies starting the fight, and of course Danielle would deny it. In a ridiculous and awesomely crazy move, Danielle gives us a lesson in extensions using a wig head. Then Danielle has Andy, who is arguably not the strongest one in the room, try to pull the extensions off the wig head. 

In a rare moment of clarity, after all this “she said, she said” business, Danielle openly regrets calling Ashley a coke whore. But there’s no time to dwell on that, because Kim G. is around, as usual. I’m sure the reunion show was on her jogging route. And Kim G has had some WORK done. For some reason, I’ve changed my mind about this woman and I would love to see Kim G. as the next New Jersey Housewife. She’s just ridiculous enough.

After reviewing the final showdown, the Housewives agree to go their separate ways (or at least to leave Danielle alone and vice versa). It ends with an awkward too-long hug in apology between Danielle and Jacqueline, and Caroline negating the whole thing. And so it is!

(image courtesy of Bravo)

Carla Patton

Writer, BuddyTV

Originally from Seattle, Carla recently took a husband and moved to Austin, Texas, where she is finally using her television “problem” to her advantage. It’s sort of like Dexter, but boring and less murdering. Carla’s favorite shows include 30 RockThe Amazing RaceProject RunwayModern Family, anything with murder, and pretty much anything gross and weird (CSIThe BachelorToddlers & Tiaras, etc.). Favorite canceled shows include: Arrested DevelopmentVeronica Mars and Average Joe. In her spare time, Carla leads tours of downtown Austin on a Segway (don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it!), blogs about Netflix Instant, and visits elementary schools telling children they don’t need math to succeed (just kidding, stay in school, kids).