Previously on Smallville: Lana stole Lex’s super suit so she could gain super powers and Tess vowed to bankrupt LuthorCorp.
The very creepy Winslow Schott has a conversation with a ventriloquist’s dummy about the joy of toys. Meanwhile, the LuthorCorp Board of Directors has a meeting to hold a vote of no confidence for Tess Mercer, but Oliver Queen (Justin Hartley) busts in to say he bought a controlling interest in LuthorCorp.
The Board isn’t too pleased, but Oliver is distracted by clicking balls which he figures out are a bomb, so he ducks while the Board gets blown up. In a brilliant bit of editing, the falling, flaming debris smashes into the comet of the opening credits.
In the Kent house, the bed is broken by the super-powered sex of Clark and Lana. Rather than go another round with Clark (Tom Welling) in the sack, Lana (Kristin Kreuk) wants to go out patrolling with him. I think I know quite a few ladies who would disagree with her decision. He puts on his clothes faster than a speeing bullet because he’s always dreamed of having a partner he could work side by side with.
Chloe (Allison Mack) arrives to spoil the mood and tell the lovers about the explosion that killed everyone except Oliver. Clark and Lana speed into the hospital to see the fallen Queen, who looks better after being in an explosion than most people do at their absolute best.
Clark and Lana suspect Lex so they go to investigate and find one of the clicking balls filled with Kryptonite. Lana removes a micrchip to diffuse the Kryptonite and is confused by the fact that the chip has a Queen Industries logo.
Winslow (aka the Toyman) is still talking to his dummy, angry that neither Tess nor Oliver were killed in his explosion. Inside the dummy, we learn that the Toyman is working for Lex and he promises to start phase two, which involves an explosion at the Daily Planet. This dude is seriously deranged, and he has a pretty great evil laugh that would rival Bad Horse’s terrible death whinny.
At the hospital, Oliver flirts with a nurse before asking Chloe for the address of a disgruntled employee named Winslow Schott with a penchant for toy bombs. Oliver suspects Winslow is working for Lex, and he wants Clark to stay out of it so he can kill Lex.
Chloe goes to Oliver’s private plane to get the address and Clark shows up wondering why she’s there. She claims it’s because even a bomb can’t stop Oliver’s work ethic, but based on the Oliver I’ve seen, his only work ethic involves working on new pick-up lines to get women to sleep with him.
Once Clark figures out the real reason, Chloe tries to defend Oliver’s desire to kill Lex since he’s pretty much turned 100 percent evil, but Clark’s goody-goody nature still thinks it’s wrong to kill him.
The Toyman visits Oliver in the hospital and handcuffs him to the bed. A half-naked Oliver Queen handcuffed to his bed? I think a few pages of fanfic accidentally slipped into this week’s shooting script. Oliver taunts the Toyman, who gets agitated and starts going crazy. OK, Chris Gauthier is doing an absolutely fantastic job playing a campy, over-the-top villain.
The Toyman has a cymbal-crashing toy monkey and after he slams his cymbals together 53 times, he’ll explode. Oliver gets the Toyman to come close enough to grab and force into releasing him and telling him where Lex is.
Thanks to a quick trip to the patent office, Clark and Lana find Winslow’s home and spot the dummy with Lex’s wireless video camera inside. They also find a model of Metropolis with the Daily Planet destroyed.
They make their way to the Daily Planet and find a massive Kryptonite bomb on the roof. Lex uses his Phantom of the Opera intercom system to tell them that Lana’s super suit has the ability to absorb all the Kryptonite’s energy and diffuse the bomb, but it will leave her lethal to the touch for Clark. After sharing one final kiss, she goes for it and does some weird flying, glowing thing that looks surprisingly good by Smallville’s crappy visual effects standards.
Clark flees to go after Lex, but Lana stands in his way because she doesn’t want Clark to kill Lex because that’s wrong. I really hate noble super heroes. If given the chance, any reasonable human being would kill Hitler, and Lex is just about on par with that kind of pure evil.
Lucky for Clark, he doesn’t have to make a choice because Lex’s hideout truck explodes. Later Chloe does research and learns that the dead body in the truck was identified as Lex’s. The cops think the Toyman did it after turning on his boss, but Chloe knows the that Oliver was really responsible, and he has no remorse about what he did.
Then we get an absurdly long montage of characters looking sad that’s boring and an obvious indication that this episode’s final version was about one minute too short, so they had to pad it. Lana visits Clark one last time in the barn to say the Kryptonite absorption is irreversible so she has to leave, but Clark still struggles to reach her for one final makeout session, even though it saps him of all his energy and nearly kills him. No chick is worth that. She says she loves him one last time, then leaves his life forever. Now can Lois and Clark hook up?
(Image courtesy of the CW)