Joe Has a ‘Mission Impossible’ Moment
Right away, Joe was in an accident and yes, Jacqueline, it did look bad. The car was upside down! But I guess Joe is okay, and “wasn’t drinking.” But that’s not how Danny’s going to tell it! According to Danny, he was arrested for a DWI. According to Joe, it was a big yawn (huh?) and he’s “lucky the car didn’t catch on fire” because Joe’s life is an action movie.
Danielle cites Karma as, still, the biggest bitch in town. Then she says, “I’m just gonna continue living in the love and light that they make fun of, while their darkness rains upon them.” YES. But that rain cloud of darkness will have to move and hang over Italy for a while, because Caroline, Jacqueline, and Teresa are planning on going.
Let’s Go to Italy!
To convince their husbands to go to Italy, Caroline tries the “it was a joke originally” tactic and Jacqueline throws an Italy-themed proposal of the idea. Albert (Caroline’s husband) wants it to be couples only. When Teresa and Joe tell their kids that it will be couples only, they all throw fits (how old are they again? Can they even find Italy on a map?) and it was the most disgusting and horrifying thing I’ve ever seen. Teresa recovers with “just kidding!” All of a sudden the trip turns from couples-only to “let’s bring everyone.”
I like Albert (“I don’t pack.”) He is my new favorite Real Househusband. After Jacqueline’s mom breaks Teresa’s expensive vase, they’re off to Italy! This part reminded me of Home Alone, except no one told Jacqueline’s mom that she was “such a disease.” They arrive in Venice and Jacqueline is immediately surprised and disappointed that their “gondola guy” doesn’t sing. I am disappointed that Teresa has dressed her kids identically. Then Teresa goes on a mission to find Chanel, and manages to spend money even though Chanel was closed for lunch.
Cruisin’ for a Boozin’
Next, the gang is off on a cruise (I feel seasick just watching). Joe and Chris meet at a bar to discuss how happy they are to “get away from all the bulls**t.” Then Chris says, “I’ll tell you what, Danielle? She is out of control.” Bulls**t avoidance fail.
While Teresa and Joe go off to have sex (ew), Caroline and Albert are left to try to unravel years of Teresa and Joe’s bad parenting. Their efforts are unsuccessful. Then Jacqueline and Teresa get too drunk and bother some people at the piano bar. Later, all the drinking catches up with Jacqueline and she is sick in bed all night. Oh no, she’ll miss Milania’s birthday party! Oh well. Milania fell asleep before the cake came out and awoke only to scream/cry, “I don’t want it!” Lovely child.
Caroline, Chris, and Teresa discuss how happy they are to have “The Real Jacqueline” (of New Jersey) back with them on this trip. I am happy to have so little of Danielle in this episode. OR AM I? What do you think, did the show suffer for lack of Danielle?
(image courtesy of Bravo)