Kris Jenner becomes obsessed with death in this episode. Specifically, the death of her entire family. Okay, that comes off as a little dramatic. Really, all she wants to do is help her loved ones plan their funerals so there’s less stress when that tragic time comes. They shop for coffins, almost impulse buy a mausoleum and consider floral arrangements. Reasonable enough.
However, the rest of the Kardashian/Jenner collective balks because death is, like, icky and, like, they don’t want to, like, think about that. Eventually, Khloe and Rob sternly tell Kris all her funeral talk is killing them. Since the Kardashians apparently can’t handle this, I’ve put together a handy list of suggestions for what this famous family’s final arrangements could be. They’ll thank me later.
Her lifelong drinking habit helps money on embalming expenses, as her body is mostly pickled by excessive alcohol consumption. In her will, Kris stipulates that her remains be sold off to the highest bidder. Dina Eastwood of Mrs. Eastwood and Company purchases them and displays Kris proudly in her living room.
Sleeping in different beds in life prepared Bruce for not sharing a plot with Kris in death. However, his casket is fitted with a looped recording of Kris complaining about him so she can be there in spirit.
Funeral arrangements for Kim are unnecessary as she long ago gained eternal youth by trading away her soul to evil, dark gods, i.e. the E! network executives.
Kourtney decides she would rather not deal with funeral arrangements and lets Scott handle those matters, as he has a wonderful track record with responsibility.
In a moment of pure whimsy, Scott decides he’ll be put to rest in a fifty-foot tall statue of his own face made out of money. However, he forgets to plan for Kourtney, and her body is donated to science.
Khloe & Lamar
At first, the couple decide on being cremated and their remains scattered. However, after eventually being pulled in too many different directions from Khloe’s television demands, Lamar’s NBA career and maintaining a happy marriage, it all becomes too much for them. Their obligations literally pull them apart and the two are scattered without cremation.
His sock line a colossal failure, Rob eventually is buried in a pauper’s grave. Just like on Keeping Up with the Kardashians, no one really pays attention to him.
Seriously, Kris, I know you’ll be grateful for these ideas, but keep your enthusiasm in check. I’ll just want moderate monetary compensation for helping you with this.
Do you have any ideas for helping the Kardashians plan their final arrangements? Comment below and let us know!
(Image courtesy of E!)
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