Watching Big Brother 13 on TV is officially a new experience starting with the second episode because the live feeds are on and we already know the outcomes. Tonight’s episode features Rachel’s nominations, which we already know, but on the bright side, we also get to see what went down in the house before the live feeds went on.
As expected, Big Brother 13 immediately turns into veterans vs. newbies. Rachel and Brendon are as loud and annoying as ever, thinking that they’re the best players ever despite the fact that they were both evicted before the final five. Dick and Daniele still have a complicated real-life relationship and don’t talk, but they work perfectly together in the house. They’re silent but deadly. Speaking of farts, Jeff and Jordan are still delightfully silly and fun, farting in bed and laughing about it like kindergarteners.
Their plan is obviously to stick together and pick off the newbies one-by-one. It’s the best strategy for them, but I know as soon as a newbie wins and nominates Rachel and Brendon, Rachel is gonna whine about how unfair it is, so I’m preemptively hating her for that.
Keith vs. Porsche
For the newbies, Dominic, Keith, Lawon, and Cassi start by forming an alliance they call the Regulators, which is a total rip-off of the Brigade, only a lot lamer if that’s possible. Dominic is cocky, but Lawon annoys me more than anyone in the history of Big Brother because he YELLS EVERYTHING! Dude, stop trying so hard.
Meanwhile, Keith’s partner Porsche strikes up a deal with Evel Dick to join the veterans. It’s only good if Porsche is just stringing the veterans along because they won the first week, because if any one of the newbies wins HoH next week, not nominating a veteran couple would officially become the worst move in Big Brother history, beating Marcellas not using the PoV on himself.
Haves vs. Have-Nots
The challenge combines cows and space, so it’s set on the “moooo-n” and the HGs take a “cowsmic journey.” The puns are terrible, but luckily Jordan points out that space cows aren’t real and they don’t live on the moon. Thank God she clarified that because otherwise I would’ve been confused.
Cassi, Shelly, Kalia, and Lawon are the losers, which makes them Have-Nots, leaving them with cold showers, slop, and a padded room where the lights never turn off. That last one is a nice twist that could easily make people go a little nuts.
As the game begins, we see two completely different strategies for the veterans bonding with the newbies. Evel Dick tries to manipulate and force Adam and Porsche to follow him by using the fact that they idolize him. Meanwhile, Jeff and Jordan have a pleasant chat with Shelly about her husband. Maybe you really do catch more flies with honey.
In the end, it comes down to Rachel views Keith as a huge threat and Porsche as a potential ally, so she nominates them.
(Image courtesy of CBS)