The episode is off to a good start, as Sonja is wearing her giant Russian fur hat again. And Ramona brought her bedazzled bustier! They’re shopping for Sonja’s Burlesque-themed party. Is it themed that way for the movie starring Cher and Christina Aguilera? Please say yes. The Real Housewives are doing my favorite things to watch tonight: shopping and throwing parties.

Avery brings up a good point regarding the burlesque outfit theme: “you’re not twenty.” Don’t tell Ramona that, it will ruin her delusions! A woman (man?) dressed identically to Sonja helps Sonja out with her eyelashes.

In less exciting news, Jill takes the train to visit her daughter, Ali. Ali is a vegetarian except she eats chicken. She is also taking a film course, and a sex course. College girls and their sex courses. She wants to be the next Carrie Bradshaw, but she will have to fight Jacqueline Larita’s daughter Ashley for that role! At least they went shopping.

LuAnn is teaching her newly-sixteen daughter, Victoria, how to drive. Victoria likes to drive fast, which the Countess laughs off to keep from screaming.

Ramona meets Avery to talk about what hard weeks they’ve had and are going to have. Avery is upset that she is often alone in the apartment, because Ramona is off going to burlesque-themed parties. Ramona has made a folder for Avery, which would annoy the crap out of me if I was Avery. Avery wrote a paper about her role model, who is Ramona. She read it out loud at their business meeting, and Ramona cried.

Delightfully, Sonja is visiting her friend, Chris March for help with another outfit. I can’t wait for Mad Fashion on Bravo, you guys. It looks amazing. Who can be more zany: Chris or Sonja? Sonja is winning, with her upside-down corset and dancing and East and West nipples. Ramona came over, and the pinot was soon to follow.

Oh fabulous, Sonja wrote a play/poem/performance piece for herself. It rhymes and everything.

LuAnn and Kelly meet for drinks to talk about men. LuAnn reminisces about her time with The Count, and the time she met Prince William. I like Kelly and LuAnn this season, they’re much more normal.

The time has come for LuAnn to hear her new song. It is a mix of things The Countess has said, cut up and mixed around. That’s pretty much what the final product sounds like. You know your “recording career” has jumped the shark when you’re just referencing the show that made you famous at all (ie; “Ramona bring your pinot, Kelly bring your jelly beans,”). The next step is the music video, feat. Jill Zarin and Kelly Bensimon!

Finally, Sonja’s party is upon us. Sonja’s man-friend, Brian, is looking pretty good with his glitter abs. Sonja’s friend, Tina, has her boobs all hanging out. Is she drunk already, or is she always just like that? Mario is dressed as a silent movie villain (right?), and Alex and Simon are dressed as ringmasters. Jill put a boa in her hair, accompanied by a tiny hat. I’m not sure anyone understands this theme party.

Simon approaches Jill to talk to her, but Jill walks away immediately. Simon pursues her, and Jill agrees to sit down and talk. For the sake of the group! Jill’s liquid facelift and bangless brow look really good. They agreed to be civil again, and Jill felt that it was very big of her.

Sonja has very important people there. The burlesque act she hired was amazing, even though people still didn’t know how to respond to the party in general. It was cute that Brian was awkwardly holding all the clothes she kicked off.

The White Swan, is ready to perform, with Drunk Tina, the black swan. It was weird, and not completely well-received. If you didn’t get it, Sonja doesn’t care! It was her epiphane! And who cares, really, Sonja is the fun friend.

(image courtesy of Bravo)

Carla Patton

Writer, BuddyTV

Originally from Seattle, Carla recently took a husband and moved to Austin, Texas, where she is finally using her television “problem” to her advantage. It’s sort of like Dexter, but boring and less murdering. Carla’s favorite shows include 30 RockThe Amazing RaceProject RunwayModern Family, anything with murder, and pretty much anything gross and weird (CSIThe BachelorToddlers & Tiaras, etc.). Favorite canceled shows include: Arrested DevelopmentVeronica Mars and Average Joe. In her spare time, Carla leads tours of downtown Austin on a Segway (don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it!), blogs about Netflix Instant, and visits elementary schools telling children they don’t need math to succeed (just kidding, stay in school, kids).